Love is clumsy

I suffer from an overactive imagination.  I use the word "suffer" because while I love that about me, it can also be a curse.  I love how with little effort I can picture beautiful places in detail, entertain myself throughout the day with my own little stories I make up, and can get completely lost in a book or movie.  It's fun, I love that.  But it's a curse, because the world we live in now, is nothing like my imagination.

I know I'm not alone.  We all picture things a certain way, and then are so surprised when that picture wasn't even close to reality.  Will Smith sums it up perfectly in one line, in this scene from the movie Hitch.


Sometimes we imagine too much, don't we?  I do it almost everyday!!  Here's a common example maybe some of you know.  I prepare a picnic for the kids and I to eat at the park, and as I load up the stroller, imagine butterflies, happy giggles, and rainbows.  I can see it all!  My sweet children are so happy to be there, love me for taking them, are refreshed by the outdoors and healthy playtime, and I get to lay back on the picnic blanket, basking in the "motherhood is wonderful" sunshine.  Of course, as you can guess, I'm shocked when in real life, the kids don't want any of the food I prepared, get cranky and argue with each other, sunburn despite my careful, tedious sunscreen efforts before we left, find more ways to get dirty than I thought possible, each take turns crying on the way home, and when we still have a mile left to walk, are stuck in an unexpected downpour of rain.  Like Will Smith said, "I imagined that going differently in my mind."

Maybe it's because I not only have a vast imagination (I get that from my Dad) but I'm also easy to feel and express emotion (I get that from my mom).  So a beautiful scene from a book or movie, or even something I think or dream about, not only is wonderful, but tends to have an emotional effect on me too.  I love what I hear/see/feel, and I want it to be real!  I know you're probably thinking you're much too mature to get lost in such silliness- but think for a moment, my friends.  Remember that one movie, where you were grateful for the dark theater so no one could see you quickly swipe away a tear?  I realize I suffer from a worse case than most of the imagination-turned-emotional disorder, but don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about.  I know you do.

My most recent guilty moment of getting too caught up in the world of daydreams, was when I heard Blake Shelton's song, Home, play on the radio.  Go on, listen to it.  Let yourself feel the love!



I felt the love a little too much when I heard this song.  Big crocodile tears rolled down my cheeks, I thought of deployments and sometimes how lonely I can feel, and pathetically said to myself, "I so badly want my husband to say those words to me!"

Then I took it a step further, and pictured what it'd be like if he did say those things to me. I even went so far as to imagine him secretly taking guitar lessons, learning the words to the song, and then serenading me after a quiet romantic dinner at home.  It was beautiful!

It was also ridiculous.  Life is not a music video.  How we feel about the people we love is so difficult to put into words, not to mention having them on hand at the exact moment when they need to be heard.  Some people spend their whole lives working on turning that very problem into an art.  Poets, authors, musicians, and artists of all kinds find ways to put emotion onto the page.  But it takes tedious hours, rewrites, drafts, patience, and practice.  Behind those dream worthy moments are mistakes, clumsiness, and great effort.

The more I thought about my silly daydream of my husband singing to me, the more I realized it wasn't really what I want.  I have what I want.  I have someone who does work tedious long hours for me.  He's patient with me, and we both patiently wait for those days when we can be together.  We forgive mistakes, we practice being thoughtful, considerate, and sympathetic to each other.  Those long days of effort and work are what make something beautiful, something sweet, even something dream worthy.

Will Smith also suavely says in Hitch that "Life is about the moments, that take your breath away".

It's a romantic thought, but I don't agree.  Life isn't about those short lived moments.  It's about the clumsy ones that got you there.  It's about saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.  It's about feeling bad because you forgot something important, or feeling embarrassed because you didn't handle a situation right.  Life is waiting when you don't want to, enduring when you're tired, listening even when you're feeling distracted.  It's about patience with misscommunication, and forgiveness of imperfection.  It's about sleepy, late nights, small acts of kindness that sometimes inevitably go unappreciated, and showing devotion even when you're feeling lonely.  It's about experiencing all those things, and loving anyway.  Perhaps those short moments of breathless excitement are fun, and memorable.  But they are empty without the clumsy ones that come before and afterwords.

If you added up all the thousands of tiny sighs where I felt special because of the things my husband has done for me, (and that's not even counting the little things I forgot to notice!) I'd be more than out of breath.  I'd probably even romantically swoon from all that sweet, wonderful, clumsy love.  But because this is real life, he'd probably be too surprised to catch me, and we'd smile and comment about how we'd laugh about it someday.  We'd say that confidently, knowing for sure, despite all those imperfect, awkward moments, that the someday will be there, and in that someday we'll still be together, still making dreams.    
  

Raising Daughters

I have two beautiful, sweet, unique, little girls.

While my parenting experience has only begun, in celebration of Mother's Day this Sunday, I thought I'd make a list of 20 things I've found, both as a mother, daughter, and sister, are important to know when raising girls.  They are in no particular order, and of course, there are many many things I could add.  But I thought an "off the top of my head" list would be a little more authentic, since typically what is most important to us, is most immediately on our minds.

1. Read to her the good books, and she will discover a world even bigger than the one around her

2. When she's old enough to read to herself, teach her how to find the best books, and she will learn to be careful what she lets enter her mind

2. Let her play with your makeup brushes in the mirror while you get ready in the bathroom, and she will see her mother appreciates what she sees in the mirror

3. Take a break to snuggle, and she will feel safe in your arms

4. Teach her how to speak to her parents with respect, and she'll learn to be careful with her words

5. Go for walks, and let her stop to look at a butterfly, smell the flowers, or look for 4 leaf clovers, and you'll inspire her to explore and learn about her world 

6. Keep as many of the pictures she makes for you as you can, and she'll know you think about her

7. Say sorry to her if you've made a mistake, and she'll find value in humility

8. Teach her to sincerely apologize, and she'll learn not to suppress feelings of remorse

9. Teach her that good friends make you feel beautiful, and she'll know how to be a good friend herself

10. Read the scriptures with her every single day, and she'll learn there is a right way to live and be happy

11. Take her to church every Sunday, and she'll learn the best community she is a part of, is one that is Christ centered

12. Help her feel what reverence means, and she'll learn how to listen for Heavenly Father, and know He talks to her in many ways 

13. Teach her that happiness is a choice to make good choices, and she'll know how to find it

14. Dress modestly yourself, and she'll see that modesty means respecting what is beautiful

15. Speak carefully and thoughtfully, and she will see that words can be powerful

16. Give her opportunities to work hard, and she will know what it means to feel successful

17. Sing with her, and she'll learn music is a way to share what is in her heart

18. Keep high expectations for her, and she'll learn you know she is capable of great things

19. Insist she treat her siblings with kindness, and she'll learn the most important relationships are those within the walls of her own home

20.  Marry the right man.  Choose someone to be her father who will honor all things previously listed, and have a list of his own.  Marry a man who puts on the top of his list, loving you.  Because the best way for a daughter to learn to value herself, is by watching how her father honors her mother.  Words cannot fully express my gratitude in finding a man who does this so well.  

     

but I know, one thing, that I love you.

During this last deployment, we spent a lot of time planning the perfect trip.  It turns out the perfect trip, is a 7 day cruise on the Royal Caribbean ship Freedom of the Seas, visiting select beautiful Caribbean Islands.  We swam with tropical fish (and a shark!), we jet skied in turquoise water, we laid on the beach and watched airplanes fly so close we could almost touch them, we danced to 80's ballads played by an incredible Filipino cover band, and fell asleep to the music of the waves coming from our private balcony.  It came and went like a dream.  I need to look at the pictures to believe it really happened.  I missed my babies like crazy, and am happy to be home and snuggle them, but we had an amazing time.  Maybe some day we'll take the kids with us on a similar trip.  When they're much older, perhaps in 12 years or so.  Maybe.

Nobody Gets Me Like You . . .

I have a pet-peeve.  Well, actually, I have many (don't we all) but one of them, is this phrase.  In case you haven't read my title, I'm referring to the uneducated, stupid, empty yet well embraced phrase in modern culture, "Nobody gets me like you."

Can we possibly find a more vague, adolescent description of romantic feelings towards one another?  I expect if one responded to this lovely term of endearment with, "well, what do you get about me?" one would find his or her date stuttering and lost with no idea what to say next, because that all-encompassing nothingness of a phrase was the best he or she had.  He/she doesn't really know anything about you except that he/she finds you attractive, and possibly feels comfortable around you.  Hence the "get me" part.  I assume that's what they mean, that they feel comfortable in the presence of said lover, therefore, he/she "gets me".  Gag me now.

While folding laundry I watched the last three episodes of the most recent season of The Bachelorette, where this lovely phrase was uttered between lovers, no exaggeration, over 60 times.

"He just gets me!"
"I love you, because you just really get me"
"No one has ever got me quite like you"
The variations continue in their pathetic monotony.

Don't get me started about that mockery of love tv show.  It feels like one long, awkward first date, except with many men, and in exotic places.  Oh, and of course, it ends with a proposal.  I don't think anyone honestly, truly, really believes that's how love works, or even resembles it.  Yet, so many women get sucked into that nonsense!!!  See, you got me started.  Well, while I'm at it . . . I have a few theories.  I will shamefully admit I am guilty of shedding a tear or two when I saw the proposal, or witnessed earlier poor Sean (2nd to last guy eliminated from Emily's love list) drive home with a devastated, deer in the headlights look of a truly heartbroken man.  I think women are drawn to this show not because they think it has any bearing on true love, but because it's entertaining in a way they can't explain.  I think I can though.  First of all, women need to feel wanted, and here's a show with one woman being desired by 25 men.  25 good looking, succesful, congenial men, who hope to marry her!  Add to that romantic locations, a little drama (admit it women, we all secretly love a little drama, anyone who denies that, is well, in denial!!!) and kisses and embraces from these beautiful men all fighting for her affection, and you have catnip for women.  This human catnip is neither real nor healthy though, my ladies.  I suggest you find something else to fill your time, although, yes, as I said, I too am guilty of losing three hours of my life to that last season.  "Lord, what fools these mortals be!" Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream.  Now if you really want to watch a true parody of love, that's the comedy for you.  I never get tired of that play!!! 

So- where was I?  Oh yes, trashing on the "Nobody gets me like you" phrase.  If you are a user, rest easy, there is still hope.  Buy a thesaurus, or better yet, book of Shakespearean sonnets!  There are numerous ways to describe true love and devotion in the English language!  You can learn to express yourself.  I believe in you!

Now that I've completely exhausted that tangent, to the point of this post.  I heard a song on the radio, and it totally "got me".  By that, of course I mean I instantly felt drawn to the lyrics and the sweet, touching description of the benefits of marriage over being single.  The song is called Woman Like You by Lee Brice.  It's of course, a country song.  No other genre seems to have mastered the art of beautifying the simple, sweet parts of life, with a mixture of acoustic guitars and a little southern twang.  As Trace Adkins put it so well, country songs are songs about me! 

"...it's songs about me,

and who I am.  

Songs about loving and living

and good hearted women

and family and God.

Yeah, they're all just 

songs about me"

You can see the video and hear that whole song here.  (The Trace Adkins song)  It's a great song, I love it.  


That's of course, why I fell in love with Lee Brice's song, Woman Like You.  It's about me!  It's about a wife who asked her husband that hypothetical question I think most women ask or at least wonder at some point.  

Where would you be today if you weren't married to me?  

Of course what she really means is, 

Are you happy with me, and do you regret getting married or miss being single?    

He answered her in sweetly rhyming verses all the great things he'd be doing, and how they still don't top what he now has with her.  This touches a particularly sensitive note with me, because my husband happens to have a very cool profession, and to the outside world it probably doesn't quite match up to being a family man.  Really, does it get much cooler than being a Special Ops Air Force pilot?  No, no it doesn't.  

He looks pretty darn suave in his green flight suit, combat boots, and Oakley sunglasses.  And yet this extraordinary man I married is happiest in a worn out t-shirt, pair of cargo shorts, flip flops, and rolling around on the floor with his kids.  If he were single he'd probably own a plane of his own, drive a cool new motorcycle, and have time to both ride it, and keep it maintained!  Right now his bike lays hopelessly unrepairable in our garage, with no time in the foreseeable future to fix it.  If he didn't have a family, he wouldn't feel so torn when he has to deploy so often,  he could watch as much college football as he wants, and probably join an adult amateur league of flag football or soccer, instead of coaching a team of five-year-old girls.  (No offense to Anny and the other Green Butterflies!)  

His life could be in the worldly sense, much, much cooler, and we both know it.  I probably know it a little too much, and like the pretty girl in the music video, I fish a little to get him to remind me he's happier now than he would be without poopy diapers, messy kitchens, toys to trip on, babies crying at night, putting up with a hormonal pregnant wife 3 times . . . oh and how the list goes on!  Yet family craziness aside, he's happy.  He wants exactly what he has!  He may not be able to compose a country song about it, but I'm not too bad at ryhming, so I made an attempt to write my own verses to that song, dedicated to the number one man in my life.  I'm crazy about you, and can't tell you what it means to me that you prefer us over what would be a very exciting life for a single man.  If you ever want to whisper in my ear your own reasons for those decisions, even if I think I already know them, well, let's just say I'd be ok with that.     

Here are my knock-off verses.  Not quite as smooth as Mr. Lee Brice, but I think they have their own personal charm.  

If he was still a single man he’d,

never have to drive a mini van,

He’d have more time for football games,

Eat more Rice-a-Roni and chicken wings.

He’d live somewhere with a water view,

time to fix a motorcycle or two. 

I know he’d own that dream airplane,

If I’d never known his name.

Going overseas wouldn’t be so tough,

No goodbyes makes it not so rough.

There’d be time to study for a masters degree,

Time for the gym, even time for sleep. 

Life would be simple and carefree,

Without a family, without me. 

Now that I’ve got your attention,

I suppose I forgot to mention,

I’m so happy he came my way,

I can never have too many days,

Watching him coach our daughter’s soccer team,

Pushing our kids on the back yard swings.

Though he does love Rice-a-Roni,

I know it’s no trade for being lonely.

Football games are way more fun,

While holding his sleeping newborn son.

Flying overseas is hard to do,

But it’s nice having someone to come home to.

There are things he gave up to be a husband and father,

We’ll probably never have that house on the water.

Time for motorcycles has come and gone,

When you spend all your Saturdays mowing the lawn.

Yet as soon as you’re home, your kids come running to see you,

We all just want to be near you. 

We’ll follow you to the middle of no-where,

It will be happy to us, as long you’ll be there.

This all, I’m sure, is nothing new,

We’re grateful, Daddy, we love you.    

The Marrying Kind

While looking for some new tunes to add to my "happy music" playlist, (aka tunes that make me smile no matter my mood) I came across this country song by Kip Moore, Mary Was the Marrying Kind.  It's a sweet song, about how looking back, he's dated lots of girls, but the sweet girl next door, "the marrying kind" was what he really wanted all along.  His best friend beat him to the punch though.

It's supposed to be a sad song, about nostalgia and lost chances.  However I find this song sad for a different reason.  I cry not for the boy who realized a little too late what he was missing.  He had his chance, I don't mourn for him.  I think of Mary.  I know her well.  I too saw the Jennies, Beckies, and Tammies get lots of dates and attention, while I played the part of an unnoticed wallflower.  The boys didn't seem to appreciate that I was kind, thoughtful, and true to my church standards.  I did my best to doll up, buy pretty clothes, wear makeup, and be outgoing and friendly.  Still more often than not I found myself lonely on the weekends.  I remember once in a youth interview with my Bishop at church, crying about my dating woes.  He sweetly said I probably wasn't being asked out because I was "too perfect" and the boys were too intimidated to ask.  I smiled at his flattering response, but inwardly I laughed.  I knew better.  I wasn't being asked, because I was the kind of girl you marry, not the kind you date.  Boys just aren't interested in that at 16.  

Thankfully I was blessed with strict parents, who did not allow me to lower my standards a little, in order to make myself more appealing to the opposite sex.  I'll admit I was tempted.  Loneliness to a teenage girl is a curse worse than slow torture.  Questions like "what's wrong with me?" are not good on a delicate young heart.  Why is it the fate of the good girls to be lonely until they're of marrying age?

Thankfully that story ended well.  When I got to college (note that I went to a church school where there isn't the usual raucous binge drinking and partying) and dating was taken a little more seriously, I suddenly had plenty of attention.  Even the boys who shunned me in highschool, found I had something that interested them.  Let me tell you though, I had no interest in them!    

What continues to puzzle me is the "surprise" all boys becoming men have, when they discover those good girls all grown up, are suddenly very attractive.  I've heard it over and over from male family and friends, telling the story of the good little girl at home who went unnoticed in highschool, and to their great astonishment is amazing and desirable now!  Has it not occurred to them that it's not the girls who went through some over-night transformation, it's them?  These girls were always pretty, always sweet, always wonderful.  It's the boys who only recently realized they care about things like that.    

I blame both the boys, and their parents.  For some reason our boys are brought up to think their youth is for guilt free playing.  From the teenage years and up parents don't seem to care who their sons date, because they're too young to marry, so what does it matter?  Let them have their fun.  Even among the church boys, I saw a lesser but similar truth.  Do I even need to go on about how this is a stupid philosophy with damaging effects on both the boys and girls?  It's the reason good boys get into trouble, why girls are tempted to dress and act trashy in the first place, and why good girls who don't, cry dateless by the phone every weekend, thinking there's something wrong with them.  

Perhaps boys are just too dumb to recognize a good thing when they see it.  Or maybe they're that way because we expect so little from them.  With an iron fist parents tell their daughters who is safe to date, and who to stay away from.  Yet when a son shows up with a bleached blonde in a mini skirt and tight strapless top, do they sit him down and have a heart to heart about how she may not be the best choice?  More often than not parents, especially fathers, cheer!  They give him a manly pound on the back, a wink, and make some "good catch" comment.  Or even more pathetic, they'll disapprove, but shrug their shoulders and say, "boys will be boys" or "what can I do, I can't choose who my son wants to date!"
Yes you can!  Get a backbone moms and dads, and straighten your sons out while you still can.  We tell our girls, "date the kind of person you want to marry," why not say the same to the boys?
Why the double standard, especially among good, church going families?  Well it's time for a change!  I believe you can influence your sons, and train them to understand what is truly attractive.  As much as they may act like it, they aren't mindless baboons who can't be controlled or educated!  Starting with my own sons, I plan to teach them to seek out the good girls, not just the good-looking girls.  I expect them to look past their hormones, and ask themselves before they pick up that phone, "She's pretty, but what else do I know about her? Does she dress how I want my daughters to dress?  Is she someone I'd hope to run into again when I'm in college?" (Or someone who will even get in to college???) 

I expect they'll probably whine a little about this.  But like all good parents, I have foresight.  While they may not appreciate it then, I'm doing my boys a huge favor.  It's more than the fact that the good girls deserve to be asked out.  One day my boys will thank me.  I'm saving them from the fate Kip Moore is singing about.  In a few years when they see the real purpose of dating, they wont be crying, "Oh Mary, Mary, why was I so blind?" 

They'll thank me that I encouraged them to take out those sweet, angel faced good girls.  Because to the strange surprise of all the boys, those girls grow up to be exactly what they didn't know they've always wanted.  And those stunningly perfect good girls, will remember who was nice to them in high school.

To those good young girls out there, continue being the marrying kind.  It pays off.  No cute blue-eyed football player is worth lowering your standards for.  Marriage is infinitely better than the prom.  It might be hard, but you can stand being lonely for a few years until the good boys to come to their senses.  They will, and you'll be grateful you waited.  There's nothing wrong with you.  You are perfect and beautiful.  Your mother isn't lying when she tells you someday the perfect guy will notice that.  She knows, because she's been in your shoes too, and that might just be exactly how it worked out for her.  

Married to the Military

I recently read a "letter from a military spouse", that had been published in a newspaper.  She gave some insight about things most women married to the military experience, that the general public may not be aware of.  I've seen similar writings.  This last one made me start to wonder, if I were to write such a letter, and knew it had the potential to be read by many, what would I say?

After much deliberation, I decided I'd want to let those outside military life to know, that our lives aren't tragic.  There seems to be a commonly accepted opinion that spouses of soldiers are victims of a sort, leading mournful lives of goodbyes and heartache.  It's true the separation that tends to come with military life is difficult.  It's more than difficult.  But it does not mean we are always sad.  Nor are our lives less idealistic than anyone elses.

When friends or neighbors hear about my husband's frequent deployment schedule, I commonly hear hear phrases such as, "Wow, I don't know how you do that.  I never could" or "Bless your heart, that sounds miserable".  Someone even said once, "It seems you're doing your best with a bad situation".  

I know they mean well with their comments, and are trying to express some sympathy and understanding that I am doing something hard.  The kindness behind their comments doesn't go unrecognized.  However what I wish I could say in response is, "yes, it is hard, but we are happy."

Naturally I don't mean it makes me happy to send my husband off over and over.  I cry, I worry, and I miss him terribly.  But I also do what any other positive person does when presented with trials we all must endure.  I focus on the blessings we have, and remember that they are many!

Nephi, an ancient prophet who lived 500 years before the birth of Jesus Christ, saw much hardship in his life.  He helped lead his family across the ocean and to the American continents.  After arriving in this new land, his family settled and built homes.  However after his father died, his older brothers set plans to kill Nephi and his family.  They resented him and their father for leading them away from Jerusalem.  Despite the many miracles they witnessed, they refused to acknowledge it was God who preserved them and led them to the new land.  Nephi and all those who believed in God left their homes yet again.  They traveled for many days with their families before they felt safe enough to settle and rebuild.  Reading that I think most people would find Nephi's lot a sad and difficult one.  Not ideal, I think we all would say.  However after settling again, Nephi records this short but beautiful verse:

2 Nephi 5:27 And it came to pass that we lived after the manner of happiness.

I think I understand why Nephi wrote that.  If I could speak to the world about what my life is like as a military spouse, I'd say the same.  We live after the manner of happiness.  My husband has a job he loves and knows is meaningful.  His work provides us with everything we need and want.  We've had the opportunity to live in many places, and have met so many good people.  The separations have caused us to deeply appreciate the time we have together. It has brought us closer to family and friends who have been there during times of need.

Military life isn't a curse, it's a choice, and we've been happy in the life it has provided.  I will admit it has been harder than what I imagined when I said yes to a handsome ROTC boy asking for my hand.  It has not been without challenges, challenges unique to this lifestyle.  However no family is spared from hardship.  Every bride discovers marriage isn't living a fairy princess life.  Every new husband finds he's never at home as much as he'd like to be.  Earth life comes with weariness, loneliness, sorrow, and pain.  Families of military members do not have a monopoly on trials.  If being in the military has presented us with more challenges than the average family, then it has blessed us, because it has caused us to learn quickly how to effectively follow the example of Nephi.  We had to recognize right away any difficulty or trial can be endured if we seek to live after the manner of happiness.  

The next time you see your friend struggling in the grocery store with her children, knowing her spouse wont be home to help her for several months, or you notice her sitting at church by herself, mowing her own lawn, or going to the movies alone, give her your love, keep her in your prayers, but don't mourn for her.  You have more in common with her than you think.  Remember if she looks happy, she is.  She devotes her life to living after the manner of happiness, just like you.

NOT a declaration post

So I have to confess, I tend to squirm at "public declarations of love" posts other people make on their blogs.  You know, those gushy entries about how their husbands, fiancees or sweethearts are amazingly amazing.  It's not necessarily because I find them cheesy, although sometimes they definitely are.  Reading them gives me the same awkward feeling I get when I see a couple kissing.  I feel a need to blush and glance away, like I'm intruding, even though there's no obvious concern for privacy.

Is that odd of me to feel that way?  I'm a romantic person.  Chick flick movies and books are some of my best friends!  Except for the occasional overly-graphic-for-a-PG13-movie bedroom scenes, I don't look away from the screen during moments of romance.   Inwardly I swoon at the kisses perfectly silhouetted by the morning sunrise.  That's different though.  I know the characters can't see me.  Staring isn't rude, because not only are they not aware of my presence, but they're not real in the first place!  It's just a story, and as fun as it is to imagine, no one can truly invade a story.

Witnessing a similar lovey-dovey scene in real life however, is not the same euphoric experience.  Maybe it should be!  Here, right in front of me, is not storybook love, but real, true, sweet and sincere shared affection.  So why can't I look???  I haven't been married so long that I've forgotten what it's like to shamelessly take part in a little PDA.  To be so lost in that pink fluffy cloud of elation that is new love, that you forget there are people around you.  I remember that, and I don't regret the moments where we probably made people around us squirm.  "Love sees with the heart, not with the mind", therefore the common sense to keep kisses and adoring stares behind doors, isn't so common.  I get that.  Still though, I turn my head, or pretend to be very occupied with whatever I'm holding.  I can't watch!

So rest assured, this is not a love post.  Even though I'm crazy about the man who married me, and get butterflies in my stomach just thinking about his gray-blue eyes and his heart melting smile, this isn't a public declaration.  Despite how distracted I've been of late, staring off into space, thinking about how much I miss his laugh, or how the cruel world melts away when he holds me at the end of a long day, despite all that, this is not one of "those" entries.  Just because I sometimes refuse to get dressed so I can spend the entire morning in PJ's and his robe, because it smells like him and I don't want to forget that smell, doesn't mean I'm going to write all about it.  And when I hear the perfect song on the radio that I'm pretty sure he paid two beautiful singers to write and sing just for me because it fits us so well, doesn't mean I'm going to put up a youtube link to the music video for the whole world to see.  I wouldn't do that.  Because who'd want to see that?  Just look away, friends, look away.

    

Do you hear me? I'm talking to you, across the water, 
across the deep blue ocean, under the open sky,
oh my, baby I'm tryin'.  


I feel you whisper, across the sea,
I keep you with me, in my heart
You make it easier 
when life gets hard.


They don't know how long it takes,
Waiting for a love like this.
Every time we say goodbye, 
I wish I had one more kiss.
I'll wait for you, 
I promise you, 
I will.  


Lucky we're in love in every way,
Lucky to be coming home someday . . . 

I love you.  I miss you.

I want to run through the halls of my highschool . . .

I've been watching ABC's new show Once Upon a Time.  For the most part I've enjoyed it.  I like the fairy tale element, and am a true lover of a good fantasy story.  In one thing with this show I've been extremely dissapointed though, and it's been stewing in my mind for weeks now. What I wish to write about today, concerns the Prince Charmings. 

The basis of the show is how the evil witch who haunts Snow White, has moved all fairy tale characters to our modern world, where she can doom them to misery and dominate them.  There are flashback scenes in the fairy tale world, intermixed with scenes showing how our beloved characters, cursed with no memory of who they used to be, are dealing with modern times.  

In the beautiful fairy tale world, the Prince Charmings don't vary much from how we've always known them.  They are dashing, chivalrous, honorable, selfless, and kind.  Protecting the innocent and those who cannot help themselves, they are heros who bravely fight dragons, monsters, wicked soldiers and witches.  Always great leaders, their knights trust them and promise unfailing loyalty.  They are ferocious in battle, yet demonstrate softer sides where they adore their beautiful princess brides, even enough to wait until their wedding nights for intimacy.  They are family men who want to have children, and would die to protect anyone they love.      

The actors who play the prince charming characters are the same men in the "real world" settings.  However just as their outfits change, so do their characters.  They are just as dashing, but not half as honorable.  Cinderella's man is a son from a rich family, who has gotten her pregnant at 19, abandoned her, and allowed his father to make illegal adoption plans for the unborn child, against Ella's will.  Our prince stands idly by, only to make a last minute appearance in the hospital after poor Ella went through labor alone.  He oh-so-sweetly sits by Ella's side, and promises he'll never leave her again.  He doesn't even offer a better-late-than-never marriage proposal, but rather a pathetic promise reminiscent of most trashy dads who sire illegitimate children with teenage girls.  That hospital scene is set to sweet music, and illustrated as beautiful, possibly worth a glistening tear.

Snow White's prince is a little better, but not by much.  His story hasn't concluded, but it doesn't look too promising.  So far he has woken from a coma, and in his new life in our world, he's a married man suffering from amnesia, and falling in love with Snow White.  Did I mention Snow White is not his wife?  He still feels some connection with Snow though, and convinces her he has plans to leave his wife to be with her. Awwww.  Every mother's wish, right?  For her daughter to marry a man to who's broken his current home to start up again.  How sweet.  I'm sure this time his promises are sincere.  In case you can't read between the lines, I'm laying on the sarcasm pretty thick.  Snow White's prince does suddenly "remember" his past, and decides not to leave his wife after all - but not before he's given great heartache to both his wife and Snow White, leaving one confused and the other devastated.

These type of men do exist.  I'm not arguing the true-to-reality fact there.  My problem is these are the type of men we are painting as modern day prince charmings.  How sad.  How pathetic.  While the readers of my blog are probably the choir I'm preaching to, I feel I must put my voice out there, and proclaim that prince charmings of the fairy tale world exist.  They are real!  There are honorable men, in every way as wonderful as the men we read about in story books.  There are good men, with good hearts, living clean lives, who wish to provide and protect, who love kids, and will devote themselves to you and your family forever! It is not a fantasy!!

"The hunt" is a lesser known secret though- one I wish to reveal here.  These glorious men are not waiting in singles bars, or at the club.  You're not likely to simply run into a prince on the street either.  Good men are found in good places, doing good things.  They're at church, or serving as the volunteer coach on the soccer field, or helping out at a charity function.  Get involved in those kinds of things, and you'll run into them.  Live worthy of these men by livng lives similar to theirs, and they'll fall in love with you, and stay in love. 

John Mayer sings a song I laugh at, called No Such Thing.  Fans of his, forgive me, I don't hate the guy, just this particular song.  I think it's silly.  In the chorus he says:

I want to run through the halls of my highschool
I want to scream at the top of my lungs!
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
It's just something they try to lie about.   

I laugh at this, because obviously for him there's no such thing as the "real world".  He's a successful rockstar!  Whatever reality he lives in has nothing to do with the world the rest of us experience.  Anyway, the song comes to mind here.  I too want to run through the halls of my highschool, and scream at the top of my lungs.  I want to yell to all the young girls there the amazing news that Prince Charmings are real!  They are real and waiting for women who are living like them.  So be like them!!!  Impress them, and be irrisitable by living honorable, chaste, sweet lives like the princesses in the stories.  Be smart, be kind, be clean, be honest, be involved, be positive, be true.  Live beautifully, and find yourself frequently in the places these great men are found.  They will see you there, and they will seek you out.  They will love you, and cherrish you, and will make you happy.  Did I mention they'll marry you before they love you too much?     

I can't physically run through my highschool's halls, the security guards would kick me out.  Consider this post my scream though, and pass this on to any woman searching.  If you're the one searching but feel you aren't currently living the life of a princess worthy of the men I described, then change!  Become worthy, and live your life so you can recognize a good prince when you see him.  Then go to the right places to seek him out.  Don't give up on your search until you do.  A good prince will fight for you, go do the same for him.  He's worth it.  Beleive me, I know.  I happen to be speaking from beautiful, wonderful, long lasting experience.   

Baby, completely, wrapped up in you

I wish I was good at telling stories, because this is great story, and deserves to be told well.  Sometimes I can describe something well, when I've had time to think, plan, and rewrite a few times.  Right now however I hardly have time to eat, so I'm afraid a quick summary and spellcheck are all the effort I have time for.  fyi, I will occasionally use the acronym "DH" for "dear husband" to simplify a little.   

June 9, 2011
I had a routine OB appointment, at 35 weeks into my pregnancy.  Things looked healthy and normal.  My cervix was dilated to 1", but that's not uncommon at 35-36 weeks along.  My doctor said all that meant is "you probably wont deliver this week". 

Ok.  "Probably." 

I took that with a grain of salt, and a bit of worry, as my husband wasn't due home from his deployment for a little over a week.  I would have rather heard news that I was showing no signs of labor at all.  I didn't want a "your baby probably wont come before your husband does", I wanted a guarantee.  Life offers no such thing. 

I visited a few friends, and complained I was getting a little worried.  I emailed my DH, giving him the details of the appointment.  He responded the way he had been lately, with promises that he'll get home on time.  The promises felt empty to me, and made me feel frustrated.  He's not the type to give empty promises.  I knew he didn't want me to worry, and worrying can actually bring on stress and early labor, but still, I felt I needed to mentally prepare for the possibility I'd be delivering my baby alone.  Promises that that wouldn't happen when I knew it very well could, weren't comforting to me.

Fast forward to about midnight.  The girls were in bed, and I was up re-reading Breaking Dawn.  It was a nice distraction, and I was waiting to video chat with my DH, who said he'd be online around that time.  I heard the ring of the video call, and came to sit at the computer.  We talked a little about my appointment, and he again started reassuring me he'd be there on time.  That brought my concerns a little closer to the surface than I'd hoped, and I started to cry, asking him why he kept promising something he couldn't be sure about.  Deployments are hard on both of us, and I try to make a sincere effort not to cry on the phone or on video chats.  It doesn't make for a positive experience for either of us when that happens.  I try to save the tears for after we hang up.  This time though the pregnancy hormones and all my worry took over.

My DH smiled, and said he really wasn't making promises he couldn't keep.  I looked at him exasperated, wondering why I really had to explain how I can't control when the baby comes any more than he can control when he gets to come home.  He smiled again, and said, "what if I told you if you went into labor right now, I would be there?"

I stopped crying.  Again more smiles on his end, and he told me to come open the front door.  He was standing there holding his laptop, using our own wi-fi signal to chat with me from outside.  His commander let him come home early, and he thought it'd be a nice surprise if he shared that news by showing up at our door.  He was right.

June 10, 2011
The next morning, we discovered Daddy wasn't the only man in the family with surprises and early arrival plans.  I was feeling consistent contractions that weren't letting up.  Due to nesting urges I'd been having that week, my hospital bag was packed and ready, and I had made plans for our girls with friends.  Thanks to some sweet and amazing young women from church, my house was clean and spotless.  If my husband was caught off guard, he didn't show it.  No doubt still feeling the effects of jet lag, he dug through his deployment bags for a few toiletries, and we took off for the hospital. 

June 11, 2011, 1:57 am
Benjamin Scott arrived.  He was 4 1/2 weeks early, but weighed in at 6 lbs 2 oz, a healthy weight considering his premature timing.

We're all very tired and a little shell shocked, but happy to all be together.  Benjamin fits right in like he's always been here.  We love every tiny toe and finger.

Before I knew my husband would be coming home, I did a lot of praying and soul searching.  I did my very best to make peace with the idea that I could be on my own in that delivery room.  When I prayed about it, I felt peaceful, and a reassurance that if that happened, I'd have the strength and help I'd need.  Faith comes before the blessings.  I was grateful to know I could do it, and even more grateful when I found out I wouldn't have to.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go sit on the couch, maybe fall asleep on my husband's shoulder,  snuggle my baby, and enjoying being completely wrapped up and surrounded by the people I love most.  Moments like that shouldn't be taken for granted.         

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Belly Button out of Joint

I noticed today that my belly button is a little off.  I'm not talking about the usual protruding-through-her-tee- shirt look all pregnant women get eventually (or in my case, about two months along this pregnancy).  I mean it's off-center.  For most people, male or female, pregnant or not, their belly buttons point in the same direction as their noses.  Mine now points slightly to the right.  For whatever reason, I'm off balance, a little uneven, helter-skelter, disheveled, off-sided, unsymmetrical, disproportionate, lopsided . . . I've got more! 

Perhaps the muscles on one side of my belly are more elastic than the other.  Maybe it's the way Benjamin is positioned.  Is it possible my navel has always been that way, but it takes a third pregnancy for me to notice?  The world may never know, and is most likely to never care.  I only mention it at all, because it seems to be a pretty accurate parallel to how I'm feeling.  The "of course" last-straw element that explains my mood.  We all have those little things.  The bad day you knew was coming, and naturally begins with you dropping your bowl of cereal onto your lap.  It happens, we sigh, look towards the heavens, and call the little event a "sign".  Then we move on with whatever trial we knowingly had scheduled.

I knew it'd be hard being so pregnant with my husband deployed.  Nothing has come as a surprise.  My evening heartburn kicks in about the same time my four-almost-five-year-old has a break down and starts screaming, and my two-year-old tells me she's had a potty training accident, again.  The exhaustion, the achey muscles, the too-frequent doctor's appointments, which mean babysitters, and driving, and waiting, all for a 5 minute examination and a "see ya in a few weeks" diagnosis, were to be expected.  It's funny how the knowledge that this is exactly how it'd be doesn't really make it easier. 

I know what you're thinking.

"But you're almost done!"
"Your husband will come home soon!"
"You're almost full term!"
"You're so close, aren't you happy it's almost over?"

No.  Because it's not over.  "Almost" brings no relief.  Why is it that?  Why is the last lap the hardest?  Theoretically it shouldn't be.  After so much effort, the last little bit should seem like nothing.  Yet we know from experience it's nothing like "nothing".  Think of something physically challenging you've done, and think about how you felt when you were almost done.  Did you suddenly have an extra burst of energy, and found it was over quickly, leaving you with a glorious feeling of accomplishment?  If you did, you have a special talent for glamorizing the past.

I remember climbing a mountain while my husband and I were still dating.  I saw the first of our group reach the top, and I sighed, thinking of my aching, trembling knees.  The advanced hikers were only about 20 minutes ahead of us, and yet those 20 minutes dragged on like the slow drip of a leaky faucet.  I kept myself going by imagining the incredible view we'd have at the top.  By the time I reached it however, I was so tired, I hardly looked around.  It was pretty, breathtaking even, if my breath hadn't already been taken by the extreme effort it took to get there.  Usually when we finish something difficult, the strongest emotion is relief rather than triumph.  Triumph comes later, after we've recovered somewhat, and suppressed the memory of the pain.

I think I've done this deployment routine too many times.  Perhaps so much that I've trained myself to expect the last few weeks to feel like they're the longest.  For so many obvious reasons, I'm tired, I'm off balanced, not straight, ready to fall over.  The future brings nothing but relief and good things, and all I can think about is how I'm not there yet.

So what is the answer to this part-of-life dilemma?  It's as obvious as my off-centered protruding navel in my those-don't-fit-anymore-because-I'm-in-my-last-month maternity tops. 

Keep pluggin' away.

I'm the old man with the ladder from the children's story Tikki Tikki Tembo. "Step over step, step over step, step over step"

I'm Dori from Disney's Finding Nemo. "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming"    

I'm the blue engine from The Little Engine that Could. "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!"

One day finished is one day closer to the end.  Yesterday I cleaned the house after a week of being sick.  Well, except for the bathrooms, which are still gross, and the laundry that still needs to be put away and the last load folded.  I did finish the vacuuming though. 

Today is my parents' 29th anniversary!  They are living proof that love survives hardship.  Proud parents of five, and even happier grandparents of almost four, they have much to celebrate.  This whole "never giving up even when it's hard" thing works.  I know it does.  I'm not giving up.  I'm just complaining a little.  Beneath my verbose complaints does lie a true attempt at optimism.  My hormones are in overdrive (shocking, huh?) and I've felt overdue for a date.  What better day than today?  29 years ago today my parents made a sacred commitment to each other, and although still watching from above, to me.  I couldn't go on a real date, obvoiusly.  So I did what I could think of as "the next best thing".  I put on makeup, and since we missed church last Sunday due to yucky colds, that was a first in over a week and half.  I dressed as nicely as possible considering the watermelon tummy.  I put on the necklace my mom gave me for Christmas, and the earrings my husband gave me before he deployed for the holidays.  I even brushed and styled Anny's hair, for which she was not grateful even though it did look cute.  We had a delicious lunch at Wendys.  The service was pathetic, we waited for our "fast food" for 15 minutes, and I had to go back to the counter 4 times for items they forgot to give us.  However they have a new berry salad, it's very good.  I purchased tickets to that great romantic comedy Kung Fu Panda II.  The movie was silly . . . ok, stupid, but we still had a good time.  Evening is now approaching, which will bring on the bedtime routine, and one more day to tick off. 

I wonder if the little blue engine would have made it if she were expecting, and carrying a few cute little blue cars of her own?  Perhaps the broken down circus train wouldn't have asked her for help.  Nah- who am I kidding?  Of course they would have asked!  They would have taken one look at her, observed her overflowing coal car and little blue cabooses in tow, seen she was a train with hidden strength, unafraid of a challenge, and known she'd say "yes".     



Did you note the airplane in the background?  He's also symbollic to my life, and definitely belongs in the picture.  I think ya'll can figure out how without my addition of another paragraph or three to this post.   



 



    

My Guitar Hero

Coming home from a deployment seems to suppress my husband's usual very frugal attitude. After the last deployment he decided we needed smart phones, and the accompanying data plans. He's not the type of guy to say I'm a stay at home mom and therefore have no need for such up to date technology. He's a true gentleman, and said if he's going to have a cool phone, then so am I.

Just before coming home this time, he decided it's time he bought a guitar. What's the only thing sexier than a good lookin' guy with an acoustic guitar? A good lookin' guy with an acoustic guitar, showing it off to his two baby girls. My guitar hero. Welcome home babe, we missed you like crazy, and everything is better with you here!

Can a photo display true happiness?

yes, yes it can.

It's the Climb

Day 4 of my husband's deployment, and already I feel heartbroken, and miss him like crazy. Yesterday was especially difficult, because I had to spend our 5th anniversary without him. We're being watched over though. Friends and family have reached out, calling, writing emails and notes of comfort, and giving us strength.

I spent the day of our anniversary keeping busy, cleaning, and taking care of the girls. That evening, we celebrated together, and had a girls night at home. I bought takeout from my favorite Italian restaurant, and rented a Chick Flick. The Hannah Montana movie, actually. I never would have guessed that silly movie would give me advice I needed to hear. She sings a song called The Climb.

Here's the music video, if you've never heard the song



The sweet and simple theme of the song reminded me that to stay happy during this lonely time, I need to find joy in the journey. It's not about enduring a challenging time, eyes focused on when it's over, it's about being happy no matter what circumstances you're in. Little Miley caught that presice theme in her song. Never thought I'd be among one of the screaming Hannah fans, but last night, I cheered and danced right along with my little girls, and celebrated the best 5 years of my life.

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Tender Mercies

Last Saturday, instead of enjoying some much needed extra sleep, we left our house at 4 am, so we could be in Birmingham, AL by 10 am. Why, do you ask, would we load our two babies in the car, so early on a Saturday, and drive so far, to Birmingham? Because my husband is about to leave for his first deployment, and we really wanted a chance to visit the temple before he left. To quote President Hinckley, our former prophet and president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints,

"Every man or woman who goes to the temple in a spirit of sincerity and faith leaves the house of the Lord a better man or woman. There is need for constant improvement in all of our lives. There is need occasionally to leave the noise and the tumult of the world and step within the walls of a sacred house of God, there to feel His spirit in an environment of holiness and peace"
("Of Missions, Temples, and Stewardship," Ensign, Nov. 1995, 53

If anyone needed the blessings that come from visiting the temple, I did. I'm about to enter a new phase in my life, one that I've been dreading. In order to stay happy, I need to get used to my husband being gone. This isn't just his first deployment, it's the begining of a regular schedule, requiring him to be away 2 out of every 5 months, for the next few years. Never have I felt so much inward and emotional turmoil, stress and worry. How will I make it on my own? How will I handle feeling lonely? How do I not worry about what my husband is doing, or question if he's safe? Will we be safe while he's gone? Will I be strong enough to take care of the girls completely on my own, with no one to share the emotional and phsical burdens? How will our marriage survive the distance and time apart? How will we change? Will I be ok with those unavoidable changes, and will they be for the better?

When we entered the temple together, exhausted as we both were from the trip, all of those questions faded away, and I felt flooded with peace. While our temporal concerns didn't go away, I felt more capable of dealing with them. I am still worried, and am not happy for the day he has to leave. I know however, that we'll get through it. God is at the head of our family, and he will not leave us comfortless. I am now able to view the future with acceptance and hope, rather than fear and dread.


As if to prove he is there and mindful of us, Heavenly Father showed us several personal tender mercies through that visit.

1. Our great friends, Brent and Katie, watched our girls in the nearby church while my husband and I went in the temple. They kept them happy and comfortable while we were away. We couldn't have made that trip without them.
2. Both girls, who don't nap well outside of their own beds, slept for over an hour without trouble on the floor of the church nursery room.
3. In our rush to begin the long drive home, we accidently left Anny's Minnie Mouse doll at the church. That little Minnie is very special to her, and we were so sad to lose it. However to summarize an amazing string of events, we were able to contact a lady from Birmingham, a sweet and wonderful woman who teaches Sunday School to the 3 year olds in that building, who found Anny's Minnie, and mailed it back to us right away.

Heavenly Father is mindful of us. The blessings that come from the temple are not only eternal, but immediate and personal too.

Our Caribbean Cruise

Scott and I went on a fabulous 4 night Caribbean Cruise with Royal Caribbean cruiselines. Grandma Andrews and Aunt Olivia stayed with the girls at home so we could have an entire week to ourselves. Here's a slideshow of some of the prettier views from our ship and ashore. We left out of Ft. Lauderdale, FL, and made ports of call at the Florida Keys and Cozumel, Mexico. Everything was beautiful and perfect. We're happy to be back with our girls whom we missed very much, but are grateful to have such wonderful memories of just the two of us on this romantic vacation! (there's music with the slideshow, so turn off my music player if you want to hear it)

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Rockin' Out with Guitar Hero

Anyone "in the know" about Guitar Hero, knows about Through the Fire and Flames. Try it if you've never played it before. It's the last song in the bonus section of GH3. You'll see. That song is crazy!!! Well, here's my crazy family rockin' out to that song. Even if you're not a Guitar Hero fan, you'll enjoy the video. I have the coolest husband. He loves nothing more than playing with his kids, and will do anything to make them laugh and get excited. The girls definitely loved this! Turn off my music player so you can hear the song.

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Our little dancer

We went to Virginia for my baby sister's wedding. Everything was perfect and beautiful, especially the bride! Anny never wanted to leave pretty Aunt Katie's side while she was in her beautiful white dress. Anny kept saying, "She's a princess!"

At the reception, Anny almost never left the dance floor! Here's some photos where she's dancing with her new Uncle Brenton, Uncle Peter, Grandpa, Aunt Katie, and my little cousin Corrigan. That's just a sampling of her many dance partners. She also danced with Mommy, Daddy, Grandma, Aunt Cindy, and many of the other family and friend guests at the reception. We had a great time, and Katie graciously shared the "belle of the ball" position with her spunky little blond niece.

It's a Love Story

Our "Love Story" isn't unique, or heart wrenchingly dreamy. I suppose there is some romance to being married to an Air Force pilot, but no happy couple likes to be separated by hundreds of miles, no matter how patriotic the cause, and that's what pilots do. They fly away. However despite the heartache I know will come with my husband's first deployment, I can still say with all my heart it's worth it for the moments he's here. He really is my Romeo, knight in shining armor, and Prince Charming all in one. Not to mention he's very much a hero in our daughters' eyes. I love Taylor Swift's song Love Story, because despite its unrealistic lyrics of princes and princesses in love, it still reminds me of our own story. Probably because underneath all her pretty descriptions is a song about real, intoxicating, everlasting, butterflies-in-your-tummy love, and that's what we have.