Home

When does your house become a home?  There are probably many philosophies on that, but I think for us, this new house became a home at Christmas.  Specifically, when Daddy came home, and we spent Christmas together.  I've said before that home is wherever we can be together.  Well, that bond is intensified so sweetly at Christmastime, when combining the spirit of our Savior, Jesus Christ, with the love we feel for each other.  It's the love of Jesus Christ that holds a family together, and living his gospel that keeps happiness in the home.  We try very hard to make our home a place the Savior would want to be.  Everything good, and wonderful our family has had, we can easily see are blessings from a loving Heavenly Father.  The greatest and sweetest blessings seem to always come when we are all together.  Having Daddy home...well, to this verbose writer, words fail to describe that gift.  We all love him so much.  Christmas with him safe and home meant everything to us, and we will never stop being grateful for that time we had together.

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In case you can't read the print on the last slide, the quote is:

“It is in the home that we form our attitudes, our deeply held beliefs. It is in the home that hope is fostered or destroyed. Our homes are to be more than sanctuaries; they should also be places where God’s Spirit can dwell, where the storm stops at the door, where love reigns and peace dwells”
-- Thomas S. Monson

Raising Daughters

I have two beautiful, sweet, unique, little girls.

While my parenting experience has only begun, in celebration of Mother's Day this Sunday, I thought I'd make a list of 20 things I've found, both as a mother, daughter, and sister, are important to know when raising girls.  They are in no particular order, and of course, there are many many things I could add.  But I thought an "off the top of my head" list would be a little more authentic, since typically what is most important to us, is most immediately on our minds.

1. Read to her the good books, and she will discover a world even bigger than the one around her

2. When she's old enough to read to herself, teach her how to find the best books, and she will learn to be careful what she lets enter her mind

2. Let her play with your makeup brushes in the mirror while you get ready in the bathroom, and she will see her mother appreciates what she sees in the mirror

3. Take a break to snuggle, and she will feel safe in your arms

4. Teach her how to speak to her parents with respect, and she'll learn to be careful with her words

5. Go for walks, and let her stop to look at a butterfly, smell the flowers, or look for 4 leaf clovers, and you'll inspire her to explore and learn about her world 

6. Keep as many of the pictures she makes for you as you can, and she'll know you think about her

7. Say sorry to her if you've made a mistake, and she'll find value in humility

8. Teach her to sincerely apologize, and she'll learn not to suppress feelings of remorse

9. Teach her that good friends make you feel beautiful, and she'll know how to be a good friend herself

10. Read the scriptures with her every single day, and she'll learn there is a right way to live and be happy

11. Take her to church every Sunday, and she'll learn the best community she is a part of, is one that is Christ centered

12. Help her feel what reverence means, and she'll learn how to listen for Heavenly Father, and know He talks to her in many ways 

13. Teach her that happiness is a choice to make good choices, and she'll know how to find it

14. Dress modestly yourself, and she'll see that modesty means respecting what is beautiful

15. Speak carefully and thoughtfully, and she will see that words can be powerful

16. Give her opportunities to work hard, and she will know what it means to feel successful

17. Sing with her, and she'll learn music is a way to share what is in her heart

18. Keep high expectations for her, and she'll learn you know she is capable of great things

19. Insist she treat her siblings with kindness, and she'll learn the most important relationships are those within the walls of her own home

20.  Marry the right man.  Choose someone to be her father who will honor all things previously listed, and have a list of his own.  Marry a man who puts on the top of his list, loving you.  Because the best way for a daughter to learn to value herself, is by watching how her father honors her mother.  Words cannot fully express my gratitude in finding a man who does this so well.  

     

It came, still the same

I grow tired every year of the commonly accepted and shared idea both on TV and even among Christians, that for one reason or another, Christmas this year may not come.  In the movies, it's usually tied to some sort of tragedy that may yet happen to Santa Claus.  Among Christians, you hear them mention that Christmas may not come to certain underprivileged families if it weren't for our charity.

The Santa Claus idea, is of course, ridiculous.  Didn't the Grinch already try that?  He posed as Santa, and undid all of his work.  We all know the story, right?  He sat on the cliff of Mt. Crumpit, with his sleigh full of stolen holiday gifts, and waited for the crying in the Whoville valley to begin.  But it did not.

"That's a noise," grinned the Grinch, "that I simply must hear!"
He paused, and the Grinch put a hand to his ear
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow
It started in low . . .
. . . then it started to grow . . . 

But this--this sound wasn't sad!
Why, this sound sounded . . . glad! 

Every Who down in Whoville,
the tall and the small,
was singing--without any presents at all! 

He hadn't stopped Christmas from coming--it came!
Somehow or other, it came just the same."

Dr. Doofenshmirtz also tried to destroy Christmas.  In that great modern animated marvel that is Phineas and Ferb, he created a "naughty-inator", that marked the entire town of Danville as naughty, and thus causing Santa to skip their town.  But as he plays his Secret-Santa gifted CD of Music by Sal Tuscany, he hears the lyrics rise in volume, "Christmas cannot be destroyed!  Not even by a naughty-inator!!!"

It isn't destroyed, of course.  Phineas and Ferb feel a rush of charitable Christmas Spirit, and with the help of little elves and good friends, they deliver the toys themselves, only to realize Santa was there all along, enjoying their rest stop they created for him on their roof.  Santa thanks them for "doing the Danville run", which allowed him a nice little break.  He hints at a higher order of things, that despite evil schemes, cannot be taken away from us at Christmastime.

In times of tragedy, war, or great sadness, we can be tempted to skip Christmas, or even doubt it's meaning.  Longfellow wrote the poem and now beloved Christmas carol, I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day, on December 25, 1864, during the American Civil War.  It was right after his son was severely injured in a battle, and the recent tragic death of his wife in a fire.

Then from each black, accursed mouth
The cannon thundered in the South,
And with the sound
The carols drowned
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

It was as if an earthquake rent
The hearth-stones of a continent
And made forlorn
The households born

Of peace on earth, good-will to men!
And in despair I bowed my head;
"There is no peace on earth," I said;
"For hate is strong,
And mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!"

In the midst of war, and sorrow, he felt all Christianity had been drowned out by the sound of cannons, and the cries of families, now husband and fatherless.  But then the music of the bells ring a message of eternal truth, piercing to the soul.

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep;
"God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;
The Wrong shall fail,
The Right prevail,
With peace on earth, good-will to men"

Longfellow knew, as all good Christians must, that Christmas cannot ever be destroyed.  It cannot be destroyed, because the Savior came.  He was born, he lived!!  He lived a perfect life, of charity, of peace, of sacrifice.  He sacrificed himself for all of us, and he was murdered, betrayed by his own.  But not even death could hold him.  After three days, our Lord and Savior, rose again.  He was resurrected.  He lives!!!  He conquered pain, sin, sadness, and death.  He returned in all His glory, and we all love and worship Him, most especially on Christmas.

We don't need any of the fun traditions, colors, gifts, music, movies, or frills that come with Christmas, to celebrate it's meaning.

"And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow,
stood puzzling and puzzling.  How could it be so?
It came without ribbons!  It came without tags!
It came without packages, boxes or bags! 

And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before.
What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store?
What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more?"

Christmas means so much more.  Christmas is the meaning behind why we are here, our purpose in life, and where we are going after this.  Christmas is about the Savior, and following Him.  No amount of sad circumstances or loss can take away the miracle of Jesus Christ.  Not war, not poverty, not absence of loved ones, or even lack of faith or believing, can ever do that.  Christmas cannot be destroyed.

"God is not dead, nor doth He sleep!"

The gift of our Savior is free to everyone and anyone who will take upon themselves His name, and try to live like Him.  His gift is perfect, eternal, and will be denied to no one who comes to Him.

Good Christians try to reach out to friends and neighbors during Christmastime, and the love shared during this season is beautiful and inspiring.  But we are not saving Christmas when we share with the needy and less fortunate.  Because there is nothing to save.  The saving has already been done.

Even the forgotten, or those out of our reach, suppressed and imprisoned by tyrants, warlords, and other evil people who attempt to hurt, abuse, and destroy, can still be touched by the gift the Savior has given us.  While we cannot help them, the Savior can, and has.  There is nothing any being can do to deny the gifts of our Savior.  

To quote a great Easter hymn, He is Risen:

He is risen! He is risen!
Tell it out with joyful voice.
He has burst his three days' prison;
Let the whole wide earth rejoice.
Death is conquered; man is free.
Christ has won the victory. 

This year my family celebrated Christmas.  We couldn't all be together in the same room, but we celebrated just the same.  We were happy.  We found peace in the gift of our Savior.  We felt the eternal bonds of our family stretch across the world, keeping us together.  Christmas was not destroyed because someone was missing.  Our tiny family celebrated the gift our Savior, that began on a silent, sacred, holy night.  We are grateful for His love and sacrifice.  We know He loves our family.  We understand that our joy and blessings come through Him.  We were able to see, on that sacred day, that those blessings are precious, and are many.

So from our home to yours, may we quote the words of Santa Claus, who understands more than the movies of our time give him credit, "Merry Christmas to ALL, and to ALL, a goodnight."

May you find joy and peace in the gift that was yours before you were born, 2,013 years ago.
    

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a few of the things I love most!

This post is for me.  Sadly Daddy doesn't have a lot of time home before he has to go out again.  It's already flying by so fast!  I decided to make a slideshow of all the fun things we've been doing with him lately, so when I miss him, I can follow Freulein Maria's example, and simply remember my favorite things from when he was here.  I'll be revisiting this post a lot!

Emerald green water that sparkles in sunshine,

Chocolate dipped berries and kids early naptimes,

Zaxbys, and Flounders, and Buffalo Wild Wings,

These are a few of my favorite things!

Strawberry picking with Dad, son and daughters,

Homemade pink syrup, jam, muffins, and cobblers. 

Silver white sand castles, dolphins up close,

These are a few of the things I love most!

When goodbyes come,

When I miss you,

When I’m feeling sad,

I’ll simply remember my favorite things,

and then I wont feel, so bad!

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Soak in the Daddy Time!

After 8 wonderful uninterrupted months together, the time has come where Daddy has to deploy again.  I'm so grateful for the timing of his last homecoming, and for this long break with him home, that I feel guilty being sad this day has come.  I was talking with my mom the other day though, and she gave some insightful advice.  Not a rare thing for my mom, many of you have probably heard me repeat sound wisdom from her.  She said she's realized we really can't control what we feel.  We feel what we feel!

Emotional pain is like physical pain.  When or how it happens is not within our control. Imagine if an OB doctor told a mother in labor, that she shouldn't be feeling pain.  It's all in her head.  I think if such a doctor existed, he wouldn't live long! Of course her pain is real!  She can't decide whether she feels pain or not.  There are coping strategies for pain.  Lamaze classes, right?  However I think most mothers who have actually experienced childbirth will admit such classes are beautiful in theory . . . but when you're in the delivery room, and it's all so much worse than you ever imagined, you consider strangling the nurse who's reminding you to breathe in patterns!  You can't control what you feel, and it isn't easy to control how you react to feelings either.

Despite the thousands of books written on emotional health, and millions of dollars spent on therapy, I think when it comes to painful experiences we know are coming- most of us follow a universal 3 step approach:

1. Dread
2. Acceptance
3. Endurence


So while experiencing phase 1 during the last few days Daddy is home, we're trying our best to not be too distracted by the process, so we can enjoy what time we have left before steps 2 and 3.

Last Sunday I stayed home with Merrylee and Ben who were fighting colds, so it was just Anny and Daddy at church together.  Daddy said she was a very good girl.  I curled her hair, she looked very grown up and pretty.        

Daddy had an old ROTC buddy call up and say he was driving through our area, so he meet him for dinner in Pensacola, and took Merrylee with him.  Being the middle child, she doesn't get a lot of individual parent time.  She felt very special to be the only one accompanying him, and was excited to have Dad all to herself.  

Baby Ben will probably go through the most changes while Daddy is gone, so he's tried to spend a little extra time with him too.  Some might argue 8 months is a little early for ice cream.  Ben didn't complain though, and there's no way Daddy was going to miss sharing that first bite of Bryers Mint Chocolate Chip.

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So phase 1 hasn't been too horrible.  Wish us luck for 2 and 3.  I don't think I'll be in the mood to blog about them.

May your days be bright

My DH has a sort of talent I covet.  He easily forgets bad memories.  Arugments we've had, unfortunate events from the past, he can't remember them.  They never happened.  He doesn't just choose not to bring them up- he somehow manages to erase them.  I've in a laughing mood, tried to recall with him disagreements from our past, and he thinks I made them up.  He cannot remember them.  Fortunate man!

I am usually not so fortunate, and can recall a little too perfectly how things I don't wish to remember, went down.  However when I look back on 2011, I'm overwhelmed with feelings of gratitude.  Even if I try, I cannot focus on a memory where I was heartbroken, downtrodden, or miserable.  I suppose there were some, no one is safe from hard times, but all that comes to mind is seeing my husband walk through the door, early from a deployment, the day before Benjamin was born.  I recall the girls hands and mouths stained red from strawberries we picked together, and can remember they were the sweetest, freshest berries I'd ever had.  I think of the happy, sleepy look on Merrylee's face as she awoke on her third birthday, and realized what day it was.  I can see Anny during family scripture study at our family reunion, staring at the 4th of July fireworks from the beachouse window, too distracted and excited to hear our devotional.  I remember my brothers, father, and a few good friends, standing in a circle, holding our baby boy, as my husband gave him a name and a blessing.  It was a year abundant in happiness, culminating in a Christmas Season with Daddy home and our family together.  I've been blessed to only remember the good things, and there were so many good things this year.  Those good things come from one source, and it's to Him, our Savior, Jesus Christ, that we are grateful, and who we celebrate.  Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year.  May your 2012 be bright!

Special thanks to my talented sister, Katie, the pianst who provided the music for this slideshow.  Not included here are pictures from a visit to Virginia.  We had a wonderful time, but forgot our camera.

 

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Baby, completely, wrapped up in you

I wish I was good at telling stories, because this is great story, and deserves to be told well.  Sometimes I can describe something well, when I've had time to think, plan, and rewrite a few times.  Right now however I hardly have time to eat, so I'm afraid a quick summary and spellcheck are all the effort I have time for.  fyi, I will occasionally use the acronym "DH" for "dear husband" to simplify a little.   

June 9, 2011
I had a routine OB appointment, at 35 weeks into my pregnancy.  Things looked healthy and normal.  My cervix was dilated to 1", but that's not uncommon at 35-36 weeks along.  My doctor said all that meant is "you probably wont deliver this week". 

Ok.  "Probably." 

I took that with a grain of salt, and a bit of worry, as my husband wasn't due home from his deployment for a little over a week.  I would have rather heard news that I was showing no signs of labor at all.  I didn't want a "your baby probably wont come before your husband does", I wanted a guarantee.  Life offers no such thing. 

I visited a few friends, and complained I was getting a little worried.  I emailed my DH, giving him the details of the appointment.  He responded the way he had been lately, with promises that he'll get home on time.  The promises felt empty to me, and made me feel frustrated.  He's not the type to give empty promises.  I knew he didn't want me to worry, and worrying can actually bring on stress and early labor, but still, I felt I needed to mentally prepare for the possibility I'd be delivering my baby alone.  Promises that that wouldn't happen when I knew it very well could, weren't comforting to me.

Fast forward to about midnight.  The girls were in bed, and I was up re-reading Breaking Dawn.  It was a nice distraction, and I was waiting to video chat with my DH, who said he'd be online around that time.  I heard the ring of the video call, and came to sit at the computer.  We talked a little about my appointment, and he again started reassuring me he'd be there on time.  That brought my concerns a little closer to the surface than I'd hoped, and I started to cry, asking him why he kept promising something he couldn't be sure about.  Deployments are hard on both of us, and I try to make a sincere effort not to cry on the phone or on video chats.  It doesn't make for a positive experience for either of us when that happens.  I try to save the tears for after we hang up.  This time though the pregnancy hormones and all my worry took over.

My DH smiled, and said he really wasn't making promises he couldn't keep.  I looked at him exasperated, wondering why I really had to explain how I can't control when the baby comes any more than he can control when he gets to come home.  He smiled again, and said, "what if I told you if you went into labor right now, I would be there?"

I stopped crying.  Again more smiles on his end, and he told me to come open the front door.  He was standing there holding his laptop, using our own wi-fi signal to chat with me from outside.  His commander let him come home early, and he thought it'd be a nice surprise if he shared that news by showing up at our door.  He was right.

June 10, 2011
The next morning, we discovered Daddy wasn't the only man in the family with surprises and early arrival plans.  I was feeling consistent contractions that weren't letting up.  Due to nesting urges I'd been having that week, my hospital bag was packed and ready, and I had made plans for our girls with friends.  Thanks to some sweet and amazing young women from church, my house was clean and spotless.  If my husband was caught off guard, he didn't show it.  No doubt still feeling the effects of jet lag, he dug through his deployment bags for a few toiletries, and we took off for the hospital. 

June 11, 2011, 1:57 am
Benjamin Scott arrived.  He was 4 1/2 weeks early, but weighed in at 6 lbs 2 oz, a healthy weight considering his premature timing.

We're all very tired and a little shell shocked, but happy to all be together.  Benjamin fits right in like he's always been here.  We love every tiny toe and finger.

Before I knew my husband would be coming home, I did a lot of praying and soul searching.  I did my very best to make peace with the idea that I could be on my own in that delivery room.  When I prayed about it, I felt peaceful, and a reassurance that if that happened, I'd have the strength and help I'd need.  Faith comes before the blessings.  I was grateful to know I could do it, and even more grateful when I found out I wouldn't have to.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go sit on the couch, maybe fall asleep on my husband's shoulder,  snuggle my baby, and enjoying being completely wrapped up and surrounded by the people I love most.  Moments like that shouldn't be taken for granted.         

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half empty, or half full?

HALF EMPTY

1. a 4 day visit from my parents and little brother turns to a 2 day visit, due more snow in VA and flight cancellations
2. the 2nd day of their visit, I get to experience my very first car crash (not my fault!)
3. my babies and brother were in the car at the time
4. there's almost $5000 of damage to my car
5. the state trooper writes me a ticket and puts a "point" on my license for not having proof of insurance with me (learn from my mistake, and go make sure that paper is in your car!!)
6. to dispute the ticket and drop the charges, I have to go to court to show my proof of insurance
7. Today, the day after my mom went home, all three of us came down with nasty colds, accompanied with fevers
8. Because we're sick, I have to cancel my babysitter and much anticipated spa night with a good friend, who's husband is also deployed
9. Do I even have to mention, this all happens while Scott is gone?!!

HALF FULL

1. despite all the snow and flight cancellations, my parents still manage to come down for a visit and I don't have to be alone for Valentines Day
2. my very first car accident happens with my parents there to walk me through every step, keep the girls happy, and me calm
3. no one was hurt, and the driver of the other car is a decent person who admitted fault
4. the other driver was fully insured, his insurance is covering all costs, and had us set up with a rental car right away
5. when the insurance agent called with a damage report, the damage is less than what our car was worth (in other words, our car wasn't totaled!)
6. my mother changed her return flight date so she could extend her visit, and help me cope with the stress of getting through an accident
7. We had a fun day being spoiled by Grandma, and went around Navarre pretending to be beach tourists. She bought us Navarre Beach t-shirts, sea shell Christmas ornaments, salt water taffy, and other tourist trap goodies, and we ate dinner at a restaurant on the beach
8. Today, the day after my mother went home, is a beautiful, sunny, 60 degree day, and I was surprised by a delivery of a dozen pink and red roses from Scott. The bouquet he sent for Valentines Day is still bright and beautiful too, and my mom left us her Valentines Day flowers from Dad, so our home is full of sweet, fragrant flowers, reminding me that I'm loved, blessed, watched over, and that although not always easy, life is indeed beautiful.

Hurricanes

Many of you probably heard about Hurricane Ida, not because it was dangerous but because it was the only hurricane to hit the US this year, so the news channels got a little excited. I'll admit even I had my nervous moments as the storm blew closer, and voluntary evacuation orders for our area went out. I double checked our 72 hour kits, and kept several storm watch internet windows open. Thankfully it came and went over our home as little more than a windy, stormy night. The next day skies were gray, the seas were a bit high, but the area was safe. We visited the beach and admired a view of unusually high, rough waves and cool strong winds. Staring out at the sea causes many to pause and ponder about life. In my gratitude this storm was mild, my thoughts of course turned to what I was most grateful for. There's a much read scripture in the Book of Mormon. It's in 3 Nephi 14, verses 24 and 25. They are words spoken by the Savior during his visit to the Americas, after his death and resurrection in Israel.

24 Therefore, whoso heareth these sayings of mine and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, who built his house upon a rock—
25 And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not, for it was founded upon a rock.

The "rock" of course represents the Savior and his gospel. My thoughts turned to what are protected in that "house upon a rock". Everything that is most precious to me is in my home. Thankfully they are also what I can bring with me should we need to evacuate- my family. By "house" the scripture isn't referring to a structure, but to our families, the most important thing we build, fortify, and love. Occasionally it takes a storm or even hurricane to remind us what is most precious. The rough rains and winds tear down worldly walls, and cause us to focus all our energy on protecting what is most dear. I'm grateful the strength our faith in the Savior and obedience to his laws brings to our family. In a way, I'm even grateful for hurricanes.

Here's a slideshow of family visits to the ocean, ending with our stop at the beach after Hurricane Ida. It may be difficult to see the difference in the photos, but the waves that day were very high for our usually mild, quiet beach on the gulf. We've seen days where the beachfront water is as smooth and clear as glass. Have that in your mind when you look at the rough waves in those later photos!

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