7 Lucky Years

Today was Anny's 7th birthday.

World's cutest 7 year old

Mesmerized by the candles

Making a wish!!

Go Anny!!!

We have now completed 7 lucky years of parenting.  I know they're lucky, because I'm told that all the time.  I've been told over and over we're so lucky to have such great kids.  But I'm going to let you in on a secret- it wasn't luck!!!  DH suggested against writing about this, but I have a very small circle of readers, so I think it's safe to reveal our secret.  Are you ready?  As I said before, we weren't "lucky".  The truth is, our kids are aliens.

It's true!!!  All 3 of them.  Aliens.  "But wait!!!!" you say.  "If your kids are aliens, then that means......."

Yes.  Also true.  My husband and I, are aliens.

I was reflecting on that truth today, while at Chic-Fil-A for Anny's birthday lunch.  It was raining on and off all day, so we decided to visit the only restaurant within at least 20 miles with an indoor play place - the new Gulf Breeze Chic-Fil-A.  I was reminded again that we are aliens as I watched the children in the play place.  There were other kids there, but they were nothing like mine.  They were screaming, pushing, shoving, climbing up slides while others where sliding down, pushing toddlers to the side if they were in their way... and all this with no parents in sight.  It came to me, clear as day- we are aliens.  My children in no way resemble those other children.  I can't say if I resembled the parents, because I didn't see them there.

I have to admit, I always knew I was an alien.  I noticed as a child, I was different than the other children.  I wasn't any smarter, or more beautiful, or even more interesting than them.  I was, however, different.  I have only recently discovered why.  My parents raised me with the same alien methods I use with my own children, and the same can be said for my husband.  (And aren't we both lucky to have found each other!!!  What are the chances that two aliens are to cross roads?!!!)

While I am still slowly discovering those alien methods, and have much to learn, I know my parent's "alien" style of parenting was solely focused on two basic ideas.

1. We are children of a Heavenly Father who has blessed us with knowledge of the right way to live and be happy

2. Because of that knowledge, our parents know we are capable of great things, and expect nothing less

Let me share an example of this philosophy in action.  At church, we begin with a congregational meeting, where everyone sits as families on the pews.  This meeting is approximately an hour long, where we partake of the sacrament, sing hymns, and listen to prepared talks given by members of the congregation.  My alien children, are quiet and reverent for this hour.  My two year old is still learning, but he gets better every week.  How do I keep my children quiet and reverent, sitting still for a full hour?  Setting aside that they are aliens, I apply the above principles.

We have taught our children of their sacred heritage.  Every week we have Family Home Evening, where my husband or I teach them a lesson about the gospel.  We sing songs about our Savior, Jesus Christ, we bare testimony to them that He loves them.  Every night we have scripture study.  We read scripture stories to them, and pray together.  They sit reverently, listen to the stories, and take turns reading or giving prayers.  They know from regular lessons, prayers, and loving testimony from their parents, who they are.  They understand when they are in church, that it is an important time, where we give of ourselves to Heavenly Father.  We pray, we sing, we listen.  What we do at church is very similar to what we do at home.  Our children recognize the Spirit they feel in both places, and it helps them to be reverent.  That's applying above principle number 1.

As for principle number two, they know we expect them to be quiet and reverent that hour during sacrament meeting.  We know they can do it.  We know they are capable of sitting still, listening, and thinking about why they are there, and why it is important.  They know if they are not reverent, that we will be disappointed in them.  We will be disappointed, because we know they can do better.  We know they did not live up to their best.  We know they made a choice to act differently than they were taught.

While in college, I again felt that lonely reminder that I am an alien, as I started student teaching, and then again as a new teacher in my first classrooms.  The commonly over promoted idea was not to push children too hard, or expect too much.  Too often I heard the phrase, "They're only 5th graders, 1st graders, 6th graders, etc."

I felt so differently from my peers.  I didn't think my students were "only" anything.  I saw them as wonderful children capable of great things!  I thought, "they're 5th graders, so I know they can do this!"

My teaching philosophy revolved around encouraging children to stretch their minds and abilities as far as they could, to try new things, and if they made mistakes, to try again.  I believed in my students, I knew they all could work hard and do great things. I never gave them excuses for why they couldn't, I gave them reasons to keep trying until they could.  The most satisfying moments I had in teaching, were when students struggled to work hard on something, but saw the task to the end, and then knew they had accomplished something impressive.  You could see it on their glowing faces!!  Sometimes they'd show a look of surprise, like they didn't know they were capable of such high achievement!  But I knew.  I always knew they could do it.  

So, I must ask, to my faithful few readers- are you an alien too?  Do you too find yourself setting high expectations for yourself and your family?  Do you know somewhere deep inside you, that you and your family are of great worth, with a divine heritage, and therefore capable of great things?  Do you expect those great things from yourself and them?  Do you feel sincere disappointment in yourself and them when goals are not met, yet also unfailing faith that improvement and new progress are possible?

If that isn't you, if you are not an alien, then change!!!  Believe in yourself and your family.  Don't make lists of what you or they can't do and why.  Decide that you can, because you're incredible.  Recite that daily to yourself in the mirror, and then go tell your husband, your wife, your children, your friends.  Tell them you love them, you know they have amazing potential, and even on the worst days, where they stumble and fall over and over, that they are still worth getting back up and trying again.  Find yourself saying phrases like, "I can.  I will.  I must."

This post has gotten too long, and even my few devoted readers have probably faded out a few paragraphs ago.  I apologize.  I can be long winded when it comes to something I feel strongly about.  I'll end with this quote from former prophet, Gordon B. Hinckley,

"I feel to invite every woman everywhere to rise to the great potential within you.  I do not ask that you reach beyond your capacity.  I hope you will not nag yourselves with thoughts of failure.  I hope you will not try to set goals far beyond your capacity to achieve.  I hope you will simply do what you can do in the best way you know.  If you do so, you will witness miracles come to pass." 

You know what you can do, and are capable of.  Deep down, you know.  You have a loving Heavenly Father who made you, and knows you can.  So do it.  And look for the same in your children, and those around you.  It's really not that  alien of an idea.      

But What About the Children?

When I was a little girl, frequently anything my parents tried to teach me I followed with the question, "But what about the children?"

Whether the lesson be about a scripture story, something in history, or math facts, I somehow brought the subject around to that question.  Obviously it didn't always relate to what we were talking about, but it was none-the-less the question always on my mind.  I felt strongly then as I do now, that children mattered in everything we do.  I am not alone in that idea.

While building the Soviet Union, leaders knew and understood the power of raising a generation of children indoctrinated in communist ways.  Their little ones were not pushed aside, or seen as insignificant and of little use.  They were an important tool in spreading their propaganda and beliefs.

Historian Orlando Figes, in his book, The Whisperers: Private Life in Stalin's Russia, gives this quote from a Soviet Schooling Theorist about the children during communist rule:

"We must make the young into a generation of Communists.  Children, like soft wax, are very malleable and they should be moulded into good Communists... We must rescue children from the harmful influence of the family... We must nationalize them.  From the earliest days of their little lives, they must find themselves under the beneficient influence of Communist schools... To oblige the mother to give her child to the Soviet state -- that is our task."

They sought out a complete break from the family, promoting loyalty to the community, to the group, to the mass.  There are records of children who were praised as great examples because they betrayed their own parents to the secret police.  For one reason or another, if students stood out socially,  they were bullied or even expelled, all for the benefit of the group and the community. They suppressed any and all religion, and wiped out ideas of individualism, free thinking, or self expression.  Power to the group, power to the whole! The common man was united as one.  

We as a people, as citizens of the United States of America, claim to emphatically stand against this way of life.  We claim to celebrate differences, we promise to be open, tolerant, respectful, and free.

Yet I find those promises to be empty, especially when it comes to teaching our very young.  My daughter's school recently participated in a "Boosterthon Pep Rally".  Admittedly, I did not go, and neither did she.  For the first time, I found myself grateful for a cold virus that kept her from school that day.  Knowing what a Boosterthon and Pep Rally are, I can quickly draw my own conclusions as to what it was about.  Despite being heavily taxed for public education, the school still finds itself lacking in funds.  So who do they turn to to raise them?  Their students.

I was taught to ask for money regretfully, privately, with humble gratitude, and only when truly in the greatest of need.  But why go that route, when you have at your disposal over 800 children ages 5-7, who, like soft wax, are very malleable, and will do the dirty work for you?  In fact, lets gather these little ones together, and get them yelling, screaming, and excited about asking for money!  Rather than quietly sending a letter home to parents, explaining the need for a little extra, respectfully requesting private donations towards a good cause, we are igniting our children, with fire and excitement, to parade out into open, and demand the money!

The motto for my daughter's school is "Reach for the Stars!"  However rather than spend more time teaching them to work hard, dedicate themselves to their studies, and reach for high goals of educational achievement, they are dedicating precious learning time to encourage them to reach with open, demanding hands, for money that is not theirs, from those who have already given enough.  Power to the group, power to the whole, united as one, they will reach.

Can you picture this gross scene?  Our babies, hundreds of tiny, sweet, innocent faces, jumping up and down, cheering, yelling, excited, and thrilled to get out there and ask for money, no doubt chanting their school motto, "Reach for the Stars! Reach for the Stars!  Reach for the Stars!"  

One of the activities for the Boosterthon is a "Fun Run", where every lap each child runs earns money for the school.  Again, it's being held during precious school hours, in substitute of learning and education.  I'm not opposed to physical activity among children, or Fun Runs in general.  It's the sacrifice of learning time, and motivation used that makes me cringe, shoved upon so many little ones, who are naturally eager to please at any cost.  Some of the money is going towards new playground equipment.  You're kidding yourself if you think the faculty and staff wont say to those tired little feet to keep going, or they wont get their playground.  I can hear the motivational cheering now:

• I know you're tired, but if you don't run more, you'll have nothing to play on!!  
• If you really cared about that playground, you'd go another lap.  
• Look at little Billy!  See him, and how much he is running?  He must really care about his school! Go Billy go!  
• Just one more lap! You can do it, reach of the stars!!!!
• Come on kids, we're a team!!!!  

Am I the only one who shudders at this?  Am I alone in seeing the obvious similarities to the schools of Stalin?  How is that "Fun Run" any different from child labor?  We are pushing the children with physical labor, threatening them with something that is dear to them if they do not comply.  They will be belittled, put down, and marked as "not a team player" if they slow down, or stop earlier than their classmates.  The teachers are pressured to comply too, with competitions and rewards for classes who can earn the most money, and promises of percentages of what is earned going to each class.  The teachers are no doubt told,

• If you want more for your students, you'll encourage them to participate   
• If you need books, supplies, and computers to enrich your classroom, you'll push them to run! 
• If you care, this is what you'll do.       

I am not morally opposed to general fundraising.  However, I believe there is an appropriate method for asking for donations.  This is not it.  Where is the modesty, the humility that should be accompanied with a request for money?  Small businesses who are taking enormous hits from the economy at this time, as well as parents who already sacrifice funds, time, and resources to their children's education, are the ones being appealed to to donate.  Shouldn't that be done a little more sensitively?  Instead it has become a loud manipulative circus, all in the name of teamwork, and with the voices and actions of 1600 tiny feet and open, reaching, hands.

I am surrounded by conservative friends who boldly put Vote For Romeny signs in their yards, cheer him on in debates, and unapologetically post on Facebook their conservative thoughts and opinions.  And yet I seem to be the only one concerned about this blatantly communist behavior going on at school.  I haven't heard a word of criticism or disapproval for this.  When do your actions back up your words?  When will you start matching conservative voting with conservative choices?  When will you realize your choice not to act is affecting those you should be protecting and caring about most?  What about the children???  

Translated, the poster reads, "Join the pre-school movement- Build a new life - Organize kindergartens and playgrounds - Educate a new Communist generation"

 
How, you ask, am I demonstrating my own actions behind my words?  By protecting my child.  I am not so brazen as to picket the school with signs, or write a nasty letter to the principal.  After all, my little girl is in the first grade, and I know we'll have many more battles to fight.  I need to pace myself accordingly.  However I will not subject her to this.  I will not put a cute, cheerleader face on for this activity, join the parents in the crowd, and demand money from our community for every lap those little feet can manage.  I refuse to watch my baby be manipulated and washed up in the hype.  For family reasons, we will quietly stay home during this event.  Follow our example, if you dare.  Or stand up in your own way.  But please, consider your children.  Put your actions where your vote is.  Conservative beliefs don't just come into play on voting day.  It is a way of life, one I don't mind living alone if I have to.  I know I'm probably not making any friends by writing this.  However I was raised, by my parents and despite many of my teachers I might add, that standing up for your values, even if it means standing alone or being different, is not a bad thing.

Soviot Propaganda Poster originally copied from here.    

our holistic classroom

It's 11:30 pm, and my baby is asleep.  I haven't had more than 4 consecutive hours of sleep in months now, and I'm beyond exhausted.  My limbs feel heavy, and my eyes have developed an unattractive puffiness.  Yet here I sit, typing away.  I actually don't want to go to bed right now.  I want to write, and share my thoughts with you.  Perhaps I'm too tired to make wise and healthy decisions.  Maybe I spend a little too much time at home sitting on my couch nursing and taking care of children, and this is my necessary window into the outside world.  Most likely it's a combination of both. 

As I wait for the photos from my new camera to load onto my computer, please allow me to ruminate about my slowly growing knowledge of the homeschool experience.  Some of you may know about my decision to keep Anny home for Kindergarten this year.  I haven't decided how long we will homeschool.  Circumstances are always changing- our location, our family size and situation, my patience level with my kids, their tolerance of me, the quality of local schools and teachers, and the list goes on.  Each year we'll reassess our situation, and decide.  This year the decision was to start at home. 

I like order, organization, and structure.  I have learned from experience that they are crucial to a successful school with classes of children.  I spent some time at a school that abandoned those things, and watched it fail miserably.  It was painful to teach there.  However to my surprise, in our little homeschool, I've found the opposite is true.  Structure, order and hours of lesson planning are not only unnecessary, but detrimental.  I don't need to teach that way, and shouldn't. 

I am enjoying a holistic style of education with my girls.  We don't have a schedule or cement routine.  We do a little math from a workbook, then bake cookies and talk about measurements.  Anny's sentence structure and handwriting practice can be in the form of a letter to Grandma, and her science lesson is with Daddy as they look up the weather radar of an approaching tropical storm.  The girls ask questions, and we stop what we're doing to explore the answers. I incorporate housework with studies whenever I can.  Merrylee and I can listen to Anny read while I'm on the couch nursing Ben.  Today I found a huge snail on our driveway, so we had a hands on, exploratory biology lesson.  Anny's long list of "why" questions don't detract from the lesson, they are the lesson.  We go with the flow, and it's wonderful. 

Don't worry, I'm not completely without structure.  I've looked up the FL core curriculum, and make long term goals, and order materials to align with them.  We have textbooks.  I got to choose them though, and I chose books that are interesting,and incorporate children's literature into the lessons.  They are tools though, and we set them aside to discuss and explore when it feels right.  My mom's advice as I started teaching was to relax.  If we're having a rough day, put the workbooks away and read a story, pop in an educational dvd, or better yet, leave the house and visit the playground.  She said to enjoy being together.  It has taken a bit out of me to abandon my training of order and intense planning.  I know my children though, so the adapting and tailor-fitting of lessons has been a surprisingly easy job.  The organization in a way was already there, it's just a little more instantaneous than planning for a group of 25 children from 25 different homes.   

Here are some pictures of some science adventures we've had.  We purchased Painted Lady caterpillars, and learned about their life cycle.  After watching them form chrysalises and miraculously emerge as butterflies, this week we set them free in our backyard.  There are also some photos of Dad helping the girls with a little turtle rescue experience.  He found this poor guy trapped by the fence in our backyard.  Dad held him so the girls could check him out, and they watched him walk in the yard a bit.  Then they put him in a tupperware with a little water, and walked about a half a mile to a nearby stream.  It's hard to see the stream in the pictures, but as soon as our little green friend heard that rushing water, he seemed to instinctively know he was home, and headed straight for it.  Dad had a very full Saturday, but he knows a good teaching opportunity when he sees one, and felt the yard work, college football, and prep for Sunday church meetings could wait.  I love that man.

Several hours have passed since I first sat down to write this entry.  I've now been interrupted by a coughing three-year old, a smiling and very awake, very cute baby boy, and a dime sized frog I caught hopping across the carpet. He's now climbing the side of an overturned glass I grabbed from the kitchen.  Can anyone guess what we'll be studying for science tomorrow?  Hey- he dared to enter my house, he suffers the consequences of study and observation by two pairs of curious little eyes before being set free.

Another sleepless night.  It looks like my puffy eyed look will continue, as does my busy, crazy, unorganized, unstructured, yet happy and full life.          

Look at Anny's skirt and you can see a butterfly that just flew out!

The turtle is just to the left of the bottom middle of the picture.

Be free little guy!

Meet the world's cutest little naturalists!

the Patience

The cute but seemingly clueless Italian admirer of Jennifer Lopez in The Wedding Planner gave her a surprising bit of wisdom that I found myself repeatedly quoting in my head tonight.  He said to her, "You need to learn the patience.  Sometimes love, is just love"

I'm not sure exactly what the "love is just love" part meant, but over and over I've been repeating in my head, "you need to learn the patience".

The phrase "parenthood requires patience" is sort of a burned out phrase.  We all hear it, and think, "well yes, of course it does."

However I always imagined that meant being patient when your toddler wakes up with nightmares, being patient when milk is spilled on the floor, patiently teaching your kids to clean up their toys, or not argue.  Those occasions do require patience, it's true, and yet they don't even begin to describe the word.

There are many "Patience is . . . . stories we all can tell about our kids.  Here's mine for tonight.

Patience is when your daughter is Reading Hop on Pop, and on every 8 word page, she pauses to analyze the picture for 30 seconds, reads the words, comments on the picture,"Look!  They're hopping on his tummy!!!  That's so silly!"
and then asks a question about it, with the expectation of a fully drawn out answer.

Anny:"Why are they hopping on their Dad?"
Me:"I don't know, to be silly I guess"
Anny: "Don't they know it can hurt?"
Me: "Maybe they didn't think about that"
Anny: "Why wouldn't they think about that?"
Me: "I'm not sure.  Maybe they're naughty kids"
Anny: "Why are they naughty kids?"
Me: "I don't know Anny, it's just a story"
Anny: "Don't they love their Daddy?  Jumping on him is not nice..."

At this point I have turned the page, looking at the remaining 30 or so pages left, and thinking over and over, "the patience, the patience, you need to learn the patience...."

I didn't start the book with this attitude.  I opened it with anticipation, thinking "I'm pretty sure she can read this, I love my daughter, she's so smart, this is going to be so fun hearing her read the bedtime story all by herself!"

On the first page as she scans the picture I think, "Look at her analyzing the scene, that's a sign of great reading comprehension, and something I should encourage!"

However by page 32, we've gone through a similar routine 32 times, varied occasionally by her fixing her hair for a minute, and then pausing to scratch her foot.  Then she'll begin again to analyze the picture, read the words, and have an in depth conversation about it.  If Merrylee interrupts her we sometimes get to go through the routine twice per page, because she gets distracted and feels she must begin again.  No need to remind her she's already scanned this picture, after all- this is a sign of great reading comprehension, and something I should encourage, right??? 

There are 64 pages in that book.

I love Dr. Seuss, but what was he thinking?!!!  Obviously he never had kids.  Ten pages would have been generous.

I could create an entire new blog dedicated to Patience is ... parenting moments.  Perhaps I could do one about how a short blog entry takes two hours to write because every five minutes my baby starts fussing and wants to be held, and typing with one hand is hard.

Sometimes being a mother is delightful, and blissfully sweet.

Sometimes blissfully sweet takes too long, it's an hour past bedtime, and Mom's exhausted.

Someday I will learn "the patience".  Maybe.

Thou shalt not steal

I remember a discussion I had with some of my 5th grade students as a teacher. They were reading A Single Shard, by Linda Sue Park. The story takes place in a twelfth-century Korean village. The main character is Tree-ear, an orphan boy, living under a bridge with a crippled old man, Crane-man. Despite their extremely humbling circumstances, Crane-man proves to be a very loving and wise guardian to Tree-ear. Crane-man is not able to work or provide much for the orphan boy. However he teaches Tree-ear to survive by "foraging in the woods and rubbish heaps, and gathering fallen grain heads in the autumn." You and I would imagine these methods of finding food the lowest a human could stoop. The author suggests otherwise. Even lower than looking through the waste and discarded things of others, is stealing or begging. Searching the woods and sorting through trash is humble, but it is still working honorably for your meal. "Stealing and begging, Crane-man said, made a man no better than a dog. Work gives a man dignity, [and] stealing takes it away."
My students, just as you and I, immediately agreed that of course, stealing is wrong. In theory we all believe that. In theory. We understand working to save money for what we want is right. Stealing or begging is the easy way out, and it's wrong. It's taking something we didn't work for, and don't deserve. "Thou shalt not steal" is a very basic commandment we all understand and claim to have no problem with. However admitting stealing is wrong means working for our meals is the right course to take no matter how difficult, challenging, or humiliating that may be. Working for our bread is not always easy. However that is what makes the meal satisfying. Despite their challenges, Crane-man and Tree-ear were happy. They accepted help sometimes. Accepting help is ok. Forcing others to help you is not. The characters were true to their values. They never forced others to help them, and they never stopped working. They struggled, lived humbly to the extreme, and even suffered. Eventually Tree-ear grows old enough to find work, and better their situation. It is a story of hardship, perseverance, and greatness as a result of very hard, honest work.
I enjoyed this story so much because it told a story foreign to our modern practices. Today the common lesson is stealing is wrong most of the time. However if you're really hungry, or really tired, or your child is sick, it's forgiven. In fact we even teach that if your friends' children are hungry, or the man in the next town is sick, you can even steal for them. If the more fortunate are mean, stingy, and unwilling to donate or give charity, then it's our job to make them. Right? to be continued . . .