I dance in my kitchen

      

I dance in my kitchen a lot.  After I put the kids to bed, I turn up my rockin' out tunes, and while I'm sweeping the never quite clean floor, and taking part in that circle of life that is dishwashing (they're never all clean, it's just a rotating circle of sink, to dishwasher, to cupboards, repeat!) I dance.  Not well, of course.  I'm no dancer.  I took 1 tap/ballet class for a month or so when I was 6, and then my DH took me to a ballroom dance class one time during the early stages of dating, when he wasn't yet sure if he should admit he hates dancing.  So I'm no good.  But I love it anyway.  I'm like Baloo the Bear, from Disney's The Jungle Book.  I hear the groove, and I have to move.  It slows down my kitchen cleanup a bit, but it's a nice stress reliever too.  I twist, I shake, I bounce, and I lose myself in the beat for a few minutes.

I realized the other day, that I don't do this all the time.  It's a deployment thing.  I don't know if it's because I'm too self-conscious to completely let loose like that in front of my husband, or maybe I'm worried he'll be annoyed with the loud music.  I've never given it enough thought to know why.  But it got me thinking.  Are there other things I'll miss when he comes home?  Am I even allowed to miss anything about this temporary husbandless existence of mine?

It's strange trying to think about that.  My inner-self splits into two personalities.  One is the loving wife, do-anything-for-your-marriage-and-life-is-miserable-without-him side, and the other is my feminist, you-don't-need-a-man-to-complete-you (add a snap and body roll to that) side.  The feminist tries to think of things I've enjoyed while he was gone, and the loving wife side jumps in and stops those thoughts saying, "It doesn't matter!!!" or "You just did that to pass the time while he was away!!"

It's an odd conflict, and I'm not sure either side ever wins.  Probably because they both are a part of me.  However, I think I will let the feminist have her day, and make my list.  But to pacify the loving wife, I'll add the disclosure that I'd trade the entire list right now for even just snuggling on the couch with my husband, watching football that I'm sort of paying attention to.  Wait- make that college basketball.  Football season is over.  I forgot.  Obviously he's been gone awhile.  ESPN.com and Cougarboard aren't even on our google chrome most visited pages list anymore!!!  They have been replaced with Pinterest, Facebook, Amazon, and the Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines page.  

1.  Online shopping.  I do, of course, still buy things when he's home, but when he's gone I have the "I'm lonely so I'm sending myself a package" excuse.  It's a fabulous excuse, even if half the wearable things get returned because it turns out I don't look as much like the model as I thought I did.

2.  Fast Food.  I cook well when I have a husband to eat it.  Otherwise, I'm not ashamed to admit fast food happens a lot.  Enough for my 4 year old to sigh with happiness and say, "I love drive-thru's!"  It's too frustrating cooking for myself and 3 minis.  Unless it's pancakes, waffles, one of the many forms of hot dogs (hot dogs, corn dogs, pigs in a blanket, chili dogs, hot dogs cut up with beans) or frozen chicken nuggets, someone wont eat it.  Healthy meals I either have to eat myself for a week (because I don't know how to cut my family recipes down) or end up throwing it out.  Both are not ideal.  So fast food and pizza have been our friends.  Don't judge 'till you've walked the 4 month mile.  Or the two month mile, times 7.  

3.  The sewing bug.  I've caught it a few times this deployment, and have made several satisfying projects that make me want to smile, snap a picture, post it somewhere and proclaim, "Yeah, I made that!".  It's not so satisfying however staying up late trying to finish something, while my husband is in bed wondering when sewing became more attractive than him.  When he's gone however, I can stay up 'till 2 am guilt free, finishing up something adorable.

4.  Chick Flicks.  They replace the 4 games of football/basketball/baseball going on simultaneously on the iPad, computer, TV, and phone.  I cry at the good parts, without making anyone concerned for my emotional stability, and don't have to tune out the teasing banter about the obvious lacking in masculinity of the male heroes in my beloved favorite films.  Edward, Mr. Darcy, Tad Hamilton, and the others are safe.

5.  Reading without stopping.  I don't have it in me to give up reading when my DH comes home, but I do try a little harder not to get so lost in my books, that I don't notice he went to bed 3 hours ago.  It's happened, I'm ashamed to say.  But when he's gone, I don't need to use any caution.  No reason to rush off to a cold, lonely bed.  It's not going anywhere, unlike the plot of my book!

6.  Girl Time.  It's much easier planning in girl time, because I can do it pretty much 24-7.  My schedule is wide open.  Virtually.  The kids do have a few things.  But for the most part, when a girlfriend wants to hang out, the answer is most emphatically, "yes!"

7.  Spaghetti, Shepherd's Pie, Chili, Taco Soup.  When I do get around to cooking, I make what I like, and don't need to compromise two sets of tastes.

Seven is a lucky number, so I'll stop there.  I can't think of anything else major at the moment anyway.

To my amazing husband when his internet works long enough to read this, I miss you like a dieter misses doughnuts, like pot roast misses salt, like a city night misses stars, like a Virginia girl living in the desert would miss trees.  Lots and lots.  But, I am a trained resilient girl, and am learning to look for the good things in any situation.  I've found a few, that keep me happy and busy when I'm missing you.  But sleep well knowing none of them come close to spending time with the most important person in my world.

$10 well spent

My lifelong friend and first college roommate, Dana, has a heart of gold.  She's friends with a family in Utah, and sadly the father of this family has cancer, and it doesn't look like he's going to make it.  She wants to do all she can to help with their situation, so she's completed a few handmade crafts, and is selling them as a small fundraiser.  You can read about this family's story, and what she's selling here.  One of the items are these darling little flower clips, with accompanying headband for babies or toddlers with slowly growing locks, like my little sweetie, Merrylee.  Dana is asking for $10 for a set of flower clips and a headband, and that includes shipping.  Photos of the different sets are in the above link.  My girls love these little clips, it was money very well spent.  Check out Dana's blog, read about this family, and think about supporting this great cause.  I'd probably spend $10 for these cute clips as it is, the girls love them!!!  Knowing I helped make a small difference for a family in need made the purchase even sweeter.     

By the way, the girls are only modeling two of the flower clips, a full set comes with more!

Magic Pink Goggles

After a long and relaxing vacation in VA with the "Great Abs", the girls and I came home to a very welcoming group of friends, and swim lessons. They may look alike, but when it comes to the water (and many other things) my girls are very different. Merrylee is a little fishy, and used those very words today at the pool to describe herself.

"I'm a fishy!" she said, as she splashed and dipped her little sunscreen covered head into the water.

She shows no fear, and truly loves kicking her little feet, blowing bubbles, and even an occasional dunk (with Mommy of course). Anny however is more hesitant. Last year's swim lessons were difficult. Lots of drama, lots of tears, and no, it didn't get better after a few sessions. I feared another difficult two weeks ahead of me this year. We went to the pool a few days before they were going to start, and Anny seemed alright playing. She wasn't being pushed to try new things though, and I knew in her class she would be. My good friend, Kaycee, had a nice pair of pink tinted goggles. Anny and pink have a very close relationship, so needless to say she let Kaycee coax her into trying them on. To my amazement, Anny then dunked her little head into the water to look for a sinking toy. Then, she did it again!!! She kept it up until we were ready to go home. Guess who now has her own pair of fancy $12 pink goggles?!

Today was lesson #2, and I have the model child in class. Last year I was the parent apologizing for my screaming and upset kid. This year I hear the musical sounds of, "Look at Anny, see, Anny can do it!" and "wow, great job Anny, now everyone watch Anny!"

The teacher told me how blessed I was to have two children so naturally inclined to swimming and the water, and that I should be so proud of them. I am very proud of my little swimmers, but it's really not fair to give me much credit.  It's those magic pink goggles!!

It's been very exciting seeing Anny progress so much in that class, and enjoy herself while doing it!!!  She seems like such a big girl to me.  When asked about the Ariel on her swimsuit, she told the teacher today, "Oh, that's Ariel.  I really loved that movie when I was little."

Here's a photo of our sweet four-year-old swimmer, and another of her pretty hairstyle I made today, special for swim class to keep the hair out of her face and goggles. I'm actually quite proud of that little half-updo. My stylist friend must be rubbing off a bit!

An American Day

Our fourth of July was well celebrated. The pictures compose a much better 1000 word essay than I can write, so I'll keep my comments short. Great day, amazing friends, and wonderful memories made!

We miss you Daddy, but our friends are making sure our time is still filled with sun, laughter, and happiness. While you're not in any of these photos, you were definitely on our minds all day, as we celebrated this blessed country in which you're fighting to protect. Your sacrifice is more personal to us since we're part of it, but we're still grateful for what you do. It makes days like this possible.

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

blue crayon day

It's actually more of a blue crayon week than day. 

A nice, bright, royal blue crayon got left in the car today, on the front passenger seat of our van.  Add to this pretty mixture, the greenhouse effect of the Florida sunshine.  No further description needed. 

We dropped off Scott again at the airport for another deployment.  The same now sadly familiar feelings of emotional pain shot through my body, as I tried and failed to contain the screaming tears, and tried yet failed to pretend I was strong, and ok with saying goodbye.  Why do we try to pretend?  Here's a few reasons I suppose:

1- it scares my little girls to see me sobbing
2- if I can somewhat contain my emotions, perhaps the girls wont fully realize what's going on.  Innocence is bliss they say . . .
3. I don't want Scott to feel guilty for doing his job and fighting for his country.  At least I think I don't. 
4. It's not safe to drive with blurred vision
5. Pleading, "please don't leave me, please don't go, I love you, don't leave . . ." doesn't change the fact that he still has to

Forcing me to pull out of my own selfish wallowing, I received the news that a dear friend of mine had a tragedy in her family.  My pain that has become as regular as Scott's deployment schedule, is minuscule compared to what she is and will be going through over the next few weeks and months. 

So what next?  I turn my pain into action.  Comfort and love my friend - scrub melted blue crayon.  Blue crayon does not totally come out.  Heartache never completely washes away.

So what next?  We keep scrubbing, and keep comforting and loving each other.  A very wise woman told me on the phone today, "Virtually anything is possible if you don't have to do it alone." 

Thank you to all my devoted family and friends, who are always there for me when blue crayon days come around.  I love you and am so very grateful.  Way more than a silly blog entry can describe . . .

The front passenger seat- after an hour of scrubbing, soaking up the excess wax with an iron and brown paper, and several different solvents and cleaners . . . and to think when I was little, the blue crayon was my favorite!

The prettiest hair takes longest to grow

My mother has often said, "Every mother believes her child is beautiful. Some of them are right!"

Well, I both think my daughters are beautiful, and that I'm right! Anny has this soft, fine blond hair, that naturally does a sweet, curly little flip at the sides. It has been 3 1/2 years in the making, and recently has finally been due for a first haircut.

Here's our photo-documentation of this special day:

Before

I love the view of her little face in the mirror here!

And the finished product!

What, you can't tell a difference between the beginning and ending shots? That's because our stylist, Katie, is so talented. She preserved the little girl sweetness of Anny's hair, but still evened out the layers so it will lay better, and trimmed the back up a little, eliminating the baby mullet look she was starting to grow! Check out the photos I took of Anny's hair the next day, now that it's lighter, and laying how it should! This is how she now looks everyday, with as little care as running a comb through in the morning. Her natural curl and precious baby girl flip are back, and sweeter than ever!

Special thanks of course goes to our dear friend and awesome personal stylist, Katie Craig! If you're in the area and looking for someone fabulous to trust with your precious locks, she's your girl. She's been cutting and styling my hair for almost a year, and I'd never go to anyone else! I even trust my babies with her. If we're still in the area in the next 2-3 years, she can do Merrylee too!

Finding Hope

No one will forget this date 8 years ago. As we remember with prayerful respect and gratitude those who lost their lives, let us also remember those who survived. Let us be better friends, neighbors, brothers, sisters, daughters and sons. May we all remember what's important in life, and be grateful for what we did not lose that day.

Tender Mercies

Last Saturday, instead of enjoying some much needed extra sleep, we left our house at 4 am, so we could be in Birmingham, AL by 10 am. Why, do you ask, would we load our two babies in the car, so early on a Saturday, and drive so far, to Birmingham? Because my husband is about to leave for his first deployment, and we really wanted a chance to visit the temple before he left. To quote President Hinckley, our former prophet and president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints,

"Every man or woman who goes to the temple in a spirit of sincerity and faith leaves the house of the Lord a better man or woman. There is need for constant improvement in all of our lives. There is need occasionally to leave the noise and the tumult of the world and step within the walls of a sacred house of God, there to feel His spirit in an environment of holiness and peace"
("Of Missions, Temples, and Stewardship," Ensign, Nov. 1995, 53

If anyone needed the blessings that come from visiting the temple, I did. I'm about to enter a new phase in my life, one that I've been dreading. In order to stay happy, I need to get used to my husband being gone. This isn't just his first deployment, it's the begining of a regular schedule, requiring him to be away 2 out of every 5 months, for the next few years. Never have I felt so much inward and emotional turmoil, stress and worry. How will I make it on my own? How will I handle feeling lonely? How do I not worry about what my husband is doing, or question if he's safe? Will we be safe while he's gone? Will I be strong enough to take care of the girls completely on my own, with no one to share the emotional and phsical burdens? How will our marriage survive the distance and time apart? How will we change? Will I be ok with those unavoidable changes, and will they be for the better?

When we entered the temple together, exhausted as we both were from the trip, all of those questions faded away, and I felt flooded with peace. While our temporal concerns didn't go away, I felt more capable of dealing with them. I am still worried, and am not happy for the day he has to leave. I know however, that we'll get through it. God is at the head of our family, and he will not leave us comfortless. I am now able to view the future with acceptance and hope, rather than fear and dread.


As if to prove he is there and mindful of us, Heavenly Father showed us several personal tender mercies through that visit.

1. Our great friends, Brent and Katie, watched our girls in the nearby church while my husband and I went in the temple. They kept them happy and comfortable while we were away. We couldn't have made that trip without them.
2. Both girls, who don't nap well outside of their own beds, slept for over an hour without trouble on the floor of the church nursery room.
3. In our rush to begin the long drive home, we accidently left Anny's Minnie Mouse doll at the church. That little Minnie is very special to her, and we were so sad to lose it. However to summarize an amazing string of events, we were able to contact a lady from Birmingham, a sweet and wonderful woman who teaches Sunday School to the 3 year olds in that building, who found Anny's Minnie, and mailed it back to us right away.

Heavenly Father is mindful of us. The blessings that come from the temple are not only eternal, but immediate and personal too.

Chairs that Spin and Applesauce

My best friend from highschool, Stacey, came to visit with her husband, Tait, and their two kids, Chase (3) and Izzy, (1). Anny and Chase are like 2 peas in a pod, and had so much fun. Here's where they discovered the joys of a spinny chair and a friend.

Our growing baby had her first taste of real food a few days ago. We gave her applesauce. It wasn't a big hit. We gave her sweet potatoes the next day, and she liked those a lot better. Here are some photos of the dissapointing applesauce.