Where can I turn?

This week I've been thinking much about some people very close to me.  Some dear friends, who are going through some very sad or difficult things.  I know they are crying.  I know they are sad, and lonely.  I want to fix it.  I wish so much I could take their pain away.  But I cannot.  I do not have that power.  I know someone who can though.

I believe in Christ.  I can testify that he lives.  He knows us individually.  He feels our pain, and suffers with us.  Though we cannot see him, we can feel his love for us when we pray.  He can heal all wounds, and comfort all who stand in need of comfort.  He is the greatest relief there is, to any trial, or grief, or sadness.  He suffered all pain, and knows every heartache, because he experienced them all during his great atonement for us.  It is only through him that we will find real peace in anything.

I sent some things to my friends in need this week.  A package of things I hope are comforting, white flowers to help uplift and cheer somewhat.  However that just doesn't feel like enough.  It's like a doctor, giving condolences and sympathy to a sick patient, but no prescription or treatment.  I felt I had to pass on what I know of real treatment, real peace and comfort.  The very best comfort I feel I can give, is the message that Jesus Christ loves us.  He is not merely a good feeling, or a theory or nice idea.  He is a real, living, resurrected being, who gives true and lasting comfort and healing.  He will help.  He loves you.  Read his words.  Lose yourself in meaningful prayer.  You will feel that he is there, and you are not alone.    

As I was writing this, I could hear the words to the hymn Where Can I turn for Peace fill my mind.  You can listen to it here.  Below are the lyrics:

Where can I turn for peace?
Where is my solace
When other sources cease to make me whole?
When, with a wounded heart, anger, or malice
I draw myself apart searching my soul?

Where, when my aching grows?
Where, when I languish?
Where, in my need to know?
Where can I run?
Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?
Who, who can understand?
He, only One.

He answers privately.
Reaches my reaching.
In my Gethsemane, Savior, and friend.
Gentle, the peace He finds
For my beseeching.
Constant He is, and kind.

Love without end.  

This song is dear to me.  It could be because I grew up singing it, and that makes it comforting to me.  However I think it's the words that make it so sweet.  I remember one Sunday at church, in which I was particularly sad about something.  It was time for the congregation to sing the closing hymn.  Lost in my thoughts I flipped to the page and started to sing.  My mind was drawn to the lyrics, and the music seemed to fill my heart, and put words to what I was feeling.  I sang the words

Where can I turn for peace? Where, in my need to know? Where can I run? Who, who can understand?

Then I saw the song answer it's lyrics and my inner thoughts and questions, and found I couldn't sing, but only whisper the response, He, only One.    

To my sweet friends during this time, and to anyone else I know who might be concealing a secret pain or trial, please know I love you.  I will not pretend I understand or know what you're going through, but the Savior does, and I'm praying you will feel his everlasting love, that it will fill your heart and carry you through these times of need. Constant He is, and kind. Love without end.

blue crayon day

It's actually more of a blue crayon week than day. 

A nice, bright, royal blue crayon got left in the car today, on the front passenger seat of our van.  Add to this pretty mixture, the greenhouse effect of the Florida sunshine.  No further description needed. 

We dropped off Scott again at the airport for another deployment.  The same now sadly familiar feelings of emotional pain shot through my body, as I tried and failed to contain the screaming tears, and tried yet failed to pretend I was strong, and ok with saying goodbye.  Why do we try to pretend?  Here's a few reasons I suppose:

1- it scares my little girls to see me sobbing
2- if I can somewhat contain my emotions, perhaps the girls wont fully realize what's going on.  Innocence is bliss they say . . .
3. I don't want Scott to feel guilty for doing his job and fighting for his country.  At least I think I don't. 
4. It's not safe to drive with blurred vision
5. Pleading, "please don't leave me, please don't go, I love you, don't leave . . ." doesn't change the fact that he still has to

Forcing me to pull out of my own selfish wallowing, I received the news that a dear friend of mine had a tragedy in her family.  My pain that has become as regular as Scott's deployment schedule, is minuscule compared to what she is and will be going through over the next few weeks and months. 

So what next?  I turn my pain into action.  Comfort and love my friend - scrub melted blue crayon.  Blue crayon does not totally come out.  Heartache never completely washes away.

So what next?  We keep scrubbing, and keep comforting and loving each other.  A very wise woman told me on the phone today, "Virtually anything is possible if you don't have to do it alone." 

Thank you to all my devoted family and friends, who are always there for me when blue crayon days come around.  I love you and am so very grateful.  Way more than a silly blog entry can describe . . .

The front passenger seat- after an hour of scrubbing, soaking up the excess wax with an iron and brown paper, and several different solvents and cleaners . . . and to think when I was little, the blue crayon was my favorite!