Love is clumsy

I suffer from an overactive imagination.  I use the word "suffer" because while I love that about me, it can also be a curse.  I love how with little effort I can picture beautiful places in detail, entertain myself throughout the day with my own little stories I make up, and can get completely lost in a book or movie.  It's fun, I love that.  But it's a curse, because the world we live in now, is nothing like my imagination.

I know I'm not alone.  We all picture things a certain way, and then are so surprised when that picture wasn't even close to reality.  Will Smith sums it up perfectly in one line, in this scene from the movie Hitch.


Sometimes we imagine too much, don't we?  I do it almost everyday!!  Here's a common example maybe some of you know.  I prepare a picnic for the kids and I to eat at the park, and as I load up the stroller, imagine butterflies, happy giggles, and rainbows.  I can see it all!  My sweet children are so happy to be there, love me for taking them, are refreshed by the outdoors and healthy playtime, and I get to lay back on the picnic blanket, basking in the "motherhood is wonderful" sunshine.  Of course, as you can guess, I'm shocked when in real life, the kids don't want any of the food I prepared, get cranky and argue with each other, sunburn despite my careful, tedious sunscreen efforts before we left, find more ways to get dirty than I thought possible, each take turns crying on the way home, and when we still have a mile left to walk, are stuck in an unexpected downpour of rain.  Like Will Smith said, "I imagined that going differently in my mind."

Maybe it's because I not only have a vast imagination (I get that from my Dad) but I'm also easy to feel and express emotion (I get that from my mom).  So a beautiful scene from a book or movie, or even something I think or dream about, not only is wonderful, but tends to have an emotional effect on me too.  I love what I hear/see/feel, and I want it to be real!  I know you're probably thinking you're much too mature to get lost in such silliness- but think for a moment, my friends.  Remember that one movie, where you were grateful for the dark theater so no one could see you quickly swipe away a tear?  I realize I suffer from a worse case than most of the imagination-turned-emotional disorder, but don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about.  I know you do.

My most recent guilty moment of getting too caught up in the world of daydreams, was when I heard Blake Shelton's song, Home, play on the radio.  Go on, listen to it.  Let yourself feel the love!



I felt the love a little too much when I heard this song.  Big crocodile tears rolled down my cheeks, I thought of deployments and sometimes how lonely I can feel, and pathetically said to myself, "I so badly want my husband to say those words to me!"

Then I took it a step further, and pictured what it'd be like if he did say those things to me. I even went so far as to imagine him secretly taking guitar lessons, learning the words to the song, and then serenading me after a quiet romantic dinner at home.  It was beautiful!

It was also ridiculous.  Life is not a music video.  How we feel about the people we love is so difficult to put into words, not to mention having them on hand at the exact moment when they need to be heard.  Some people spend their whole lives working on turning that very problem into an art.  Poets, authors, musicians, and artists of all kinds find ways to put emotion onto the page.  But it takes tedious hours, rewrites, drafts, patience, and practice.  Behind those dream worthy moments are mistakes, clumsiness, and great effort.

The more I thought about my silly daydream of my husband singing to me, the more I realized it wasn't really what I want.  I have what I want.  I have someone who does work tedious long hours for me.  He's patient with me, and we both patiently wait for those days when we can be together.  We forgive mistakes, we practice being thoughtful, considerate, and sympathetic to each other.  Those long days of effort and work are what make something beautiful, something sweet, even something dream worthy.

Will Smith also suavely says in Hitch that "Life is about the moments, that take your breath away".

It's a romantic thought, but I don't agree.  Life isn't about those short lived moments.  It's about the clumsy ones that got you there.  It's about saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.  It's about feeling bad because you forgot something important, or feeling embarrassed because you didn't handle a situation right.  Life is waiting when you don't want to, enduring when you're tired, listening even when you're feeling distracted.  It's about patience with misscommunication, and forgiveness of imperfection.  It's about sleepy, late nights, small acts of kindness that sometimes inevitably go unappreciated, and showing devotion even when you're feeling lonely.  It's about experiencing all those things, and loving anyway.  Perhaps those short moments of breathless excitement are fun, and memorable.  But they are empty without the clumsy ones that come before and afterwords.

If you added up all the thousands of tiny sighs where I felt special because of the things my husband has done for me, (and that's not even counting the little things I forgot to notice!) I'd be more than out of breath.  I'd probably even romantically swoon from all that sweet, wonderful, clumsy love.  But because this is real life, he'd probably be too surprised to catch me, and we'd smile and comment about how we'd laugh about it someday.  We'd say that confidently, knowing for sure, despite all those imperfect, awkward moments, that the someday will be there, and in that someday we'll still be together, still making dreams.    
  

I want to run through the halls of my highschool . . .

I've been watching ABC's new show Once Upon a Time.  For the most part I've enjoyed it.  I like the fairy tale element, and am a true lover of a good fantasy story.  In one thing with this show I've been extremely dissapointed though, and it's been stewing in my mind for weeks now. What I wish to write about today, concerns the Prince Charmings. 

The basis of the show is how the evil witch who haunts Snow White, has moved all fairy tale characters to our modern world, where she can doom them to misery and dominate them.  There are flashback scenes in the fairy tale world, intermixed with scenes showing how our beloved characters, cursed with no memory of who they used to be, are dealing with modern times.  

In the beautiful fairy tale world, the Prince Charmings don't vary much from how we've always known them.  They are dashing, chivalrous, honorable, selfless, and kind.  Protecting the innocent and those who cannot help themselves, they are heros who bravely fight dragons, monsters, wicked soldiers and witches.  Always great leaders, their knights trust them and promise unfailing loyalty.  They are ferocious in battle, yet demonstrate softer sides where they adore their beautiful princess brides, even enough to wait until their wedding nights for intimacy.  They are family men who want to have children, and would die to protect anyone they love.      

The actors who play the prince charming characters are the same men in the "real world" settings.  However just as their outfits change, so do their characters.  They are just as dashing, but not half as honorable.  Cinderella's man is a son from a rich family, who has gotten her pregnant at 19, abandoned her, and allowed his father to make illegal adoption plans for the unborn child, against Ella's will.  Our prince stands idly by, only to make a last minute appearance in the hospital after poor Ella went through labor alone.  He oh-so-sweetly sits by Ella's side, and promises he'll never leave her again.  He doesn't even offer a better-late-than-never marriage proposal, but rather a pathetic promise reminiscent of most trashy dads who sire illegitimate children with teenage girls.  That hospital scene is set to sweet music, and illustrated as beautiful, possibly worth a glistening tear.

Snow White's prince is a little better, but not by much.  His story hasn't concluded, but it doesn't look too promising.  So far he has woken from a coma, and in his new life in our world, he's a married man suffering from amnesia, and falling in love with Snow White.  Did I mention Snow White is not his wife?  He still feels some connection with Snow though, and convinces her he has plans to leave his wife to be with her. Awwww.  Every mother's wish, right?  For her daughter to marry a man to who's broken his current home to start up again.  How sweet.  I'm sure this time his promises are sincere.  In case you can't read between the lines, I'm laying on the sarcasm pretty thick.  Snow White's prince does suddenly "remember" his past, and decides not to leave his wife after all - but not before he's given great heartache to both his wife and Snow White, leaving one confused and the other devastated.

These type of men do exist.  I'm not arguing the true-to-reality fact there.  My problem is these are the type of men we are painting as modern day prince charmings.  How sad.  How pathetic.  While the readers of my blog are probably the choir I'm preaching to, I feel I must put my voice out there, and proclaim that prince charmings of the fairy tale world exist.  They are real!  There are honorable men, in every way as wonderful as the men we read about in story books.  There are good men, with good hearts, living clean lives, who wish to provide and protect, who love kids, and will devote themselves to you and your family forever! It is not a fantasy!!

"The hunt" is a lesser known secret though- one I wish to reveal here.  These glorious men are not waiting in singles bars, or at the club.  You're not likely to simply run into a prince on the street either.  Good men are found in good places, doing good things.  They're at church, or serving as the volunteer coach on the soccer field, or helping out at a charity function.  Get involved in those kinds of things, and you'll run into them.  Live worthy of these men by livng lives similar to theirs, and they'll fall in love with you, and stay in love. 

John Mayer sings a song I laugh at, called No Such Thing.  Fans of his, forgive me, I don't hate the guy, just this particular song.  I think it's silly.  In the chorus he says:

I want to run through the halls of my highschool
I want to scream at the top of my lungs!
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
It's just something they try to lie about.   

I laugh at this, because obviously for him there's no such thing as the "real world".  He's a successful rockstar!  Whatever reality he lives in has nothing to do with the world the rest of us experience.  Anyway, the song comes to mind here.  I too want to run through the halls of my highschool, and scream at the top of my lungs.  I want to yell to all the young girls there the amazing news that Prince Charmings are real!  They are real and waiting for women who are living like them.  So be like them!!!  Impress them, and be irrisitable by living honorable, chaste, sweet lives like the princesses in the stories.  Be smart, be kind, be clean, be honest, be involved, be positive, be true.  Live beautifully, and find yourself frequently in the places these great men are found.  They will see you there, and they will seek you out.  They will love you, and cherrish you, and will make you happy.  Did I mention they'll marry you before they love you too much?     

I can't physically run through my highschool's halls, the security guards would kick me out.  Consider this post my scream though, and pass this on to any woman searching.  If you're the one searching but feel you aren't currently living the life of a princess worthy of the men I described, then change!  Become worthy, and live your life so you can recognize a good prince when you see him.  Then go to the right places to seek him out.  Don't give up on your search until you do.  A good prince will fight for you, go do the same for him.  He's worth it.  Beleive me, I know.  I happen to be speaking from beautiful, wonderful, long lasting experience.