Comfort Zone

My mind has been too full, for too many weeks to write.  I've had to filter through so much, trying to decide what words need to come out.  To summarize the events that have caused this mental turmoil, the Air Force has not been kind of recent to our family.  They have promised holidays, time off, and breaks in deployments, only to change and withdraw them, always for the worse.  Deployments got longer and more frequent, time home cut shorter and shorter.  They have told us we're moving, then told us we can make new plans, then told us we're moving again.  The goodbyes, time apart, to and fro, and constant changing of plans that affect not just my DH, but our whole family, has been a strain on what little peace our family clings to.

A word of caution to anyone considering military service- this is neither unusual nor "unfair".  It simply is.  When you sign a contract, they can say or do whatever they want to you, and if you have a family, remember it will effect them just as much as it affects you.  You quite literally sign your life away, in exchange for a job and benefits for the time on the contract.

For us, that contract meant the military would pay for DH's college and flight school, in exchange for 10 years of service after he received his wings.  It also means a paycheck for that time, a housing allowance, healthcare, and many many logged flight hours to take with him when he leaves.  Thus far the Air Force has kept their end of the deal.  We aren't owed anything more than that.  That contract doesn't mention happiness in the job, satisfaction with the work, and regular or even reasonable working hours.  We don't regret the decisions made back when we were young and in college, no matter how naive we were in making them.  This was the best option for my husband to be a pilot.  And despite the disillusionment we've come to have with the unstoppable U.S. Air Force, we're not entirely ungrateful for the opportunities it's given our family, despite how dearly we have and continue to pay.

The upcoming moving plans will be sending us out west, to New Mexico.  For many, back west is where they want to go, where their hearts lie.  Not mine.  My comfort zone is filled with full, big, beautiful deciduous trees, turquoise beaches, seasons, warm humid air, regular soft rain showers, fireflies, and breezes where you can hear waves or the rustle of leaves.  It's where people say "ya'll", where good BBQ is found, and where the locals have ancestors who fought in the American Civil and Revolutionary wars.  I like to roll down the car windows and smell summer honeysuckle in the wind.  I love peaches off a local fruit stand, berry picking, and thunderstorms.  Oh, Dixieland, my comfort zone.

While I love those things, life is not about living within our comfort zones.  Usually you don't even know what that is, until something forces you to move on or change to make you uncomfortable.  God wants us to learn, grow, and find love and beauty everywhere, in everything.  It's too easy in the land of Dixie to do that.  No matter how unwilling we are, it's time for us to move on to new adventures.  When I wrote her about my moving woes, a dear friend and seasoned military daughter sent me a loving letter, full of understanding and sympathy, but also with the advice that I take the Lord's hand, and my husband's in the other, and jump forward into our new life out west, with excitement and anticipation.  I think it might feel a bit like jumping into a cold pool after sunbathing, but I know she's right.  I know I can, and will.

Some of my friends have these cute signs in their homes, that say "Home is Where the Air Force Sends Us", and then hanging from the sign, are planks with each base or location they were stationed at.

I've thought about getting one made myself, but I've never felt like that phrase fit us.  To me, where I call home has nothing to do with the Air Force.  It's like saying "Home is where your kitchen sink is" - not exactly a  false statement, but more accurately a minor coincidence.  The military may tell us where to go, but they can't dictate where I feel at home.  Where the Air Force sends us is where we make our home, but they aren't why, and don't deserve the honor of being on a sign on my wall.  They've already put their name on my husband, everything he wears, and on enough gear, uniforms, boots, notebooks, manuals, maps, and deployment crap to fill an entire bedroom.  After much meditation throughout these weeks and months of turmoil, I finally came up with a better motto.

Home is Wherever we can be Together  

While I may not be in love with the location, and frustrated with the circumstances the Air Force sometimes places us in, all the pieces of my heart are together when all the members of my family are under one roof.

So look away, Dixieland.  I have to leave you for awhile, and move my home to where my family can be together.  I still love you, and will shed an occasional tear for your benefit while in the far away west, and out of my comfort zone.  I don't know if we'll get to come back, or when that could be.  But when I imagine heaven, it's where my home and you are the same.

I asked the girl who made the above sign if she can do a custom order with my new phrase.  I'll add a picture of it to this post when it's done.  While you wait you can listen to Brad Paisley.  His song helped me find the words I needed write today.

A special thanks to Kim, who was willing to take on a special order and make such a beautiful, personally meaningful sign for us.  Check out her store, she's great.  She also has more items on Facebook, you can message her for a link to that!

but I know, one thing, that I love you.

During this last deployment, we spent a lot of time planning the perfect trip.  It turns out the perfect trip, is a 7 day cruise on the Royal Caribbean ship Freedom of the Seas, visiting select beautiful Caribbean Islands.  We swam with tropical fish (and a shark!), we jet skied in turquoise water, we laid on the beach and watched airplanes fly so close we could almost touch them, we danced to 80's ballads played by an incredible Filipino cover band, and fell asleep to the music of the waves coming from our private balcony.  It came and went like a dream.  I need to look at the pictures to believe it really happened.  I missed my babies like crazy, and am happy to be home and snuggle them, but we had an amazing time.  Maybe some day we'll take the kids with us on a similar trip.  When they're much older, perhaps in 12 years or so.  Maybe.

Put a Dad in It

A song came to mind as I was scrolling through the latest pictures on my camera.  It's Brooks & Dunn's song Put a Girl in It.  It's all about how everything in life is better if you "put a girl in it".  Except of course, I was substituting "Dad" for "girl".  Everything is just better with Dad in the mix.

Warning, if you click on my link to the music video of the Brooks & Dunn song, I suggest you listen without watching the video.  It's full of some less than respectable girls, pretty, but scantily clad, drinking and dancing.  I can't help but leave the disclaimer that life in general is much better without that kind of girl.  AND girls are capable of so much more than looking and acting sexy.  Where are the clips of girls wiping the tears of a toddler, putting an arm around a lonely friend, teaching a class, baking something irresistible...  So, yeah, cute and true song, but very sexist video.   

Here's a much better video, if I do say so myself!!!  Daddy isn't in all of the photos, because more often than not, he was behind the camera!!!  We've all been drinking in the family time, in satisfying heavy doses.

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To each of my sweethearts, whether you're 32 or not quite 2, isn't it obvious we belong together?!      

Stop and smell the roses

While my DH was enduring the difficult, intense year of pilot training, we lived in base housing on Columbus AFB, in Mississippi.  It was our first experience living on a military base.  The housing was old, dating back to what was rumored the 1950's.  However the 3 bedroom duplex was more space than our previous 2 bedroom apartment we had in Las Vegas.  It was sturdy, built in the days when things were made to last, had a small back yard and surprisingly large front yard, covered carport, and roses planted by the front windows.  The streets were named after state capitols, (we lived on Albany) and because the housing had been there awhile, the trees were large and full, and gave the neighborhood a safe, friendly, suburban feel.

There seemed to be an unspoken connection we all felt with our neighbors.  Everyone wanted to know each other, be friends, have barbecues, go on walks, take kids to the park, and be supportive when the pressures of being military families were keenly felt.  We were often seen chatting in front yards, bouncing babies on our hips, and pausing every 4 minutes or so as little trainer planes flew overhead, temporarily drowning out conversation.  We made some of our very best friends during our stay in Columbus, and keep in close contact with most of them.

The pilot training part was horrible.  In an effort to weed out less capable or dedicated potential pilots, the Air Force is not kind to it's students there.  It seemed their goal to make grown men cry, and hang their hopes and dreams of flight on a tangible thread, ready to break at any second.  Perhaps that's why everyone was so friendly.  It's a stressful time endured by all, which created a natural bond everyone shared.  Despite that deeply rooted stress and the trials that came with it, my memories of Columbus are fond ones.

I'd like to go back to the roses that were planted in front of our half of the little duplex we stayed in.  Those outside of the military may or may not know know this, but if a serviceman chooses to live off base, he receives a housing allowance.  If he lives on base, he does not get that allowance, but his housing there is free.  Because the housing is free, you'd expect most families wouldn't put forth much effort in upkeep.  While that tends to be true with welfare provided government housing, from my small bit of experience I saw it wasn't the case with the tenants of base military housing.  Other than mowing the lawn regularly, and keeping the indoors clean and undamaged, there were no rules or requirements to keep.  However families often put a surprising amount of effort into those temporary homes.  They painted walls, planted grass, added flowerbeds, or in our case, roses.  I was very touched when I thought of the people who lived in our home before us, and planted those three rose bushes.  They obviously planted them knowing they wouldn't see them for very long.  I saw it as a selfless act of kindness towards me, someone they'd never meet or know.  He or she may not have planted them specifically for me, but they didn't have to plant them at all, and I benefited from their efforts.  The bushes were obviously well tended.  During our first Easter in Columbus, there were big blossoms, a perfect blend of pink and yellow.  A sweet coincidence - they just happened to be colored the same as the roses I carried in my bridal bouquet.  I will always be grateful to that nameless stranger, who shared with us her roses.

Here's a picture we took on Anny's first Easter Sunday, in front of one of the pretty bushes.  By the time we left Columbus, that bush had grown tall enough to see it from the windows inside, and the blossoms were the size of salad plates!

Inspired by those first rose bushes in Columbus, I've decided to set a tradition.  Even though we're living off base for this assignment, and as our family grows that will most likely be the most convenient choice, in each new home we have, with each new military move, I too will plant roses.  If possible I will plant them in the front yard, by the front windows.  Realistically I know we may not always live in locations where roses thrive.  But where I can, I want to pass on the same kind gesture that was shown me.  I also like the romantic thought that we will leave a trail of roses behind us as we move every 3-5 years.

I planted a little red bush in front of my girls' bedroom window last year, and to my delight, it flourished.  I was worried our sandy soil would lack the necessary nutrients for a bush to grow, but it's doubled in height and size!  Due to last years success, I planted 3 more bushes in the front yard, and 2 in the back.  Here are some pictures of our new little friends.  May they bring happiness to all who live here!

  This one was described as pale pink, but I think it's more of a lavender, very pretty.  

 Look at how beautiful this blossom is!!  It makes me happy every time I go outside and see it!  

I was only going to get two more bushes for the front yard, but this ambitious little pink one with the one tall branch reaching for the stars, was calling my name.  I couldn't leave her there!  

             This is the first bloom to show from the red bush I planted last year.  Sweet and promising!   

Western Beauty

Nine years ago my mom and I flew 2000 miles away from our home, and after a few tearful hugs, she left me in a very different and foreign place- the west!  It wasn't at all like the lush, green, and busy metropolis I was used to in the east, yet I grew to adore the large open skies and grand towering mountains of my new home on the college campus of BYU, in Provo, Utah. 

A few weeks ago we drove back to my first home-away-from-home to visit my sister, who has also left her native east coast land, and made the west her own.  She just had her first baby, and we were anxious to meet little Ryan. 

I felt a nostalgic thrill as we entered the Provo valley, again experiencing a bit of the excitement that comes from leaving home, and experiencing life on your own.  I loved my years spent out west.  So much has happened to me since I first flew over those mountains.  Being there again, I felt like I was introducing my old home to the new me, and my now growing family. 

We didn't get to do half the things we'd planned to do on our visit- but we did get to see lots of friends and family, and enjoy some beautiful sites and detours on our long drive.  It was a lot of car time, but that also meant a lot of family time, and with Daddy gone a lot, we can never have too much of that. 

Our little car has made several cross-country trips, and it drove smoothly for this one too!  The views were perfect, weather beautiful, family precious, and our girls amazingly tolerant of all the carseat time.  Thanks to my incredible husband who spent hours planning every mile so things would run smoothly- they did! I'm sad it's all over.  After 4000 miles of driving, that says a lot! 

To my dear friend, the west, 'till we meet again, and may we have many happy returns! 

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When in Rome...

Merrylee and Daddy sharing a munchkin

Anny's "finished" pink frosted donut

When in Rome...

There are over 400 Dunkin Donuts in just the Boston area. Here we are doin' as the Romans do ...

Christmas 'aint the same without you . . .

I admittedly had my doubts about this Christmas. We had plans for lots of guests and lots of driving, all right before Daddy leaves us for lots of time. I imagined myself being stressed, tired, uncomfortable, and heartsick (knowing Scott will be getting ready to leave soon after the holidays). However I was pleasantly surprised. While there were lots of guests and plenty of driving, with all of that came lots of fun, love, and good memories. We stayed up many late hours talking, watching movies, playing games, finishing last minute gifts, and bonding. I got to meet my new baby niece, new soon-to-be sister in law, and introduce everyone to our breathless beaches that some of them even dared to swim in. To those native Mainers, the water was actually quite nice. Us Floridians smiled and took pictures on the sand in our sweaters and jeans, while they splashed and laughed in their bathing suits, soaking up that green-blue water. Together all those memories created quite the Christmas to remember and love. Our home seems quiet and empty without all the extra family and guests. Here's a slideshow I put together illustrating just some of the great moments we had. If you think this is a lot of photos, you should see how many great shots I had to painstakingly choose from!

I dedicate this slideshow to our Daddy. There's no way any of these memories would have been sweet and wonderful to me if you weren't there every moment, helping me out around the house, and showing gratitude in every way you knew how. It wouldn't have been the same without you, and next year when you're scheduled to be away, "not the same" wont quite describe how empty our December will feel.

Andrews Christmas 2009

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Virginia in the Fall

For Merrylee's birthday we went to the Fall Festival at Cox Farms. It was a perfect day. We sure missed Daddy. He would have loved being there too. If you feel a little photoed out after my last slideshow, or think you may have something better to do than sit and watch 75 beautiful, fall-festive pictures slowly glide by, don't worry. I didn't make this for you.

More pictures to come of Merrylee's first cupcake, and opening her gifts.

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Tender Mercies

Last Saturday, instead of enjoying some much needed extra sleep, we left our house at 4 am, so we could be in Birmingham, AL by 10 am. Why, do you ask, would we load our two babies in the car, so early on a Saturday, and drive so far, to Birmingham? Because my husband is about to leave for his first deployment, and we really wanted a chance to visit the temple before he left. To quote President Hinckley, our former prophet and president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints,

"Every man or woman who goes to the temple in a spirit of sincerity and faith leaves the house of the Lord a better man or woman. There is need for constant improvement in all of our lives. There is need occasionally to leave the noise and the tumult of the world and step within the walls of a sacred house of God, there to feel His spirit in an environment of holiness and peace"
("Of Missions, Temples, and Stewardship," Ensign, Nov. 1995, 53

If anyone needed the blessings that come from visiting the temple, I did. I'm about to enter a new phase in my life, one that I've been dreading. In order to stay happy, I need to get used to my husband being gone. This isn't just his first deployment, it's the begining of a regular schedule, requiring him to be away 2 out of every 5 months, for the next few years. Never have I felt so much inward and emotional turmoil, stress and worry. How will I make it on my own? How will I handle feeling lonely? How do I not worry about what my husband is doing, or question if he's safe? Will we be safe while he's gone? Will I be strong enough to take care of the girls completely on my own, with no one to share the emotional and phsical burdens? How will our marriage survive the distance and time apart? How will we change? Will I be ok with those unavoidable changes, and will they be for the better?

When we entered the temple together, exhausted as we both were from the trip, all of those questions faded away, and I felt flooded with peace. While our temporal concerns didn't go away, I felt more capable of dealing with them. I am still worried, and am not happy for the day he has to leave. I know however, that we'll get through it. God is at the head of our family, and he will not leave us comfortless. I am now able to view the future with acceptance and hope, rather than fear and dread.


As if to prove he is there and mindful of us, Heavenly Father showed us several personal tender mercies through that visit.

1. Our great friends, Brent and Katie, watched our girls in the nearby church while my husband and I went in the temple. They kept them happy and comfortable while we were away. We couldn't have made that trip without them.
2. Both girls, who don't nap well outside of their own beds, slept for over an hour without trouble on the floor of the church nursery room.
3. In our rush to begin the long drive home, we accidently left Anny's Minnie Mouse doll at the church. That little Minnie is very special to her, and we were so sad to lose it. However to summarize an amazing string of events, we were able to contact a lady from Birmingham, a sweet and wonderful woman who teaches Sunday School to the 3 year olds in that building, who found Anny's Minnie, and mailed it back to us right away.

Heavenly Father is mindful of us. The blessings that come from the temple are not only eternal, but immediate and personal too.

Our Caribbean Cruise

Scott and I went on a fabulous 4 night Caribbean Cruise with Royal Caribbean cruiselines. Grandma Andrews and Aunt Olivia stayed with the girls at home so we could have an entire week to ourselves. Here's a slideshow of some of the prettier views from our ship and ashore. We left out of Ft. Lauderdale, FL, and made ports of call at the Florida Keys and Cozumel, Mexico. Everything was beautiful and perfect. We're happy to be back with our girls whom we missed very much, but are grateful to have such wonderful memories of just the two of us on this romantic vacation! (there's music with the slideshow, so turn off my music player if you want to hear it)

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