Of Bikini Season, and Why I Wont be Wearing One

As the snow melts, and cool mornings change to warm afternoons, it seems everyone's minds are on summer.  With that has come many advertisements for diet programs and gym memberships, urging women to get their bodies ready for bikini season, while there's still time.  I've read a few blog posts and articles in response to this, mostly saying women shouldn't feel pressured by the world to look a certain way. It's wrong to objectify women, and it's terrible to suggest unhealthy ideas of beauty.  I've agreed with all these brave authors, making a positive stand with their words.  But there is something missing from all these articles.

Why the bikini at all?

Why has this become the accepted trend?  They aren't comfortable.  They slip and slide into all the wrong places.  Women are constantly at risk of having something fall out, or showing more than she intended to, despite there being little left to show.  They aren't pretty either, in that they really aren't much of anything.  It's a few strings, and 4 triangles of fabric.  It's not the bikini that people are looking at anyway.  It's the naked body.  Wearing a bikini is about as close to walking around naked as you can get without being charged with indecent exposure.

Maybe it makes a woman feel sexy.  After all, the term "sexy" is alluding to being ready for sex.  Sex is traditionally an activity done in the nude.  A bikini is nearly nude.  So yeah, I can see why it would make a woman, or man looking at her, feel ready for sex.

We live in a day where sex is everywhere.  We walk, talk, dress, and sing that it's ok to look and feel sexy.  It's ok for everyone to look at you, and want sex.  It's desirable, it's empowering.

Call me prude, or weird, or even old fashioned, but I don't like that.  I don't want men or women to look at me, and think of calisthenics in the bedroom.  I don't feel empowered if I find out someone had dirty thoughts about me.  I'm confident in my sexuality.  I enjoy that part of my life.  But only with my husband.  It's not something I wish to share with anyone else.  I don't even want to suggest the idea to someone else.

Now, of course I can't control the thoughts of everyone around me.  Someone could have a dirty fantasy of a very modestly dressed man or woman.  But I'm not going to encourage or suggest it with what I wear.  That's not a goal of mine- to provoke sexual feelings in those that look at me.  I find no sense of accomplishment in that.

So let's replace "sexy" with "beautiful".  Some would argue a woman's body is very beautiful, and she has every right to display it to anyone she wants to.  I don't agree with this.  I do think every woman is beautiful.  And while we are all given the freedom to choose what we do with our bodies, and that may be her right, I do not think it is right for a woman to display it to everyone.  This is because I do not believe our bodies are our own.  I believe they are a gift from God.  When someone has trusted me with something precious, I am careful with it, because I want it returned in good condition.

Let's make a simple analogy, to illustrate this idea.  Say a good, trusting friend loans me her car.  I am not going to take unnecessary risks with it, like speeding or breaking traffic laws.  I will do my best to keep it clean, both inside and out.  I will keep it well maintained until she needs it back.  Most importantly, I will closely follow the instructions she gave me.  If she specifically asked me not to eat in the car, I wont.  I wont even rationalize that I'd be safe drinking a smoothie in it, as long as I'm careful.  She gave me the car, I am grateful, so I will do as she has asked.  When I give those keys back, I want our friendship to be even better than it was before.  I love her for being so kind and generous to me, and she is impressed with the care I took with something valuable of hers.  Our trust in each other has grown, and therefore so has the strength in our relationship.

Now let's compare this to our relationship with God.  He has given me this body.  I try to treat it with great care.  I do not put harmful things in it.  I keep it maintained with exercise and healthy living.  I also keep it appropriately covered.  I believe God communicates with us.  He has given us specific, set rules on how to take care of this gift he has given us.  I wont wear a bikini, because he has asked me not to.  There are more modest choices for swimwear, and he has asked me to dress modestly.  He wants me to protect and keep covered what is beautiful, and doesn't want me to share every inch of that beauty with just anyone.  Specific instruction has been given to share all of my body with just one person, my spouse.  A bikini isn't quite baring all, but it's close.  It's like drinking the smoothie in my friends car, when she told me not to eat in it.  I don't plan to rationalize that line, even if it's a close technicality.

Now, a nasty rumor has gone around that women use modesty as an excuse to hide fat.  Some will say that if a woman is thin, and in good shape, she has no reason to stay covered, and wouldn't, therefore if someone is dressing modestly, she's really just lazy, and doesn't have anything to show off.  Let's put a stop to that right now, because that is a shameful lie, so obviously created by shallow men, looking to guilt women into taking off more layers.  Covering up a little more does not mean you are less attractive, or have something to hide.  Allow me to be a walking example of that.  I'm a skinny girl.  I'm one of those rare, obnoxious women who stays thin no matter what I eat, or how many babies I have.  I do try to exercise and eat well, but I'll admit my physique is not due to my efforts.  It just is.  I can no more control it than I can control the shape of my nose.  I have no fat to hide, and probably never will.  And yet still I feel no more beautiful in a string bikini than I would in a modest dress.

I feel beautiful without showing too much skin.  I feel a glowing sense of who I am, and a pride in the blessing of my body, without everyone within eyesight seeing nearly every inch of me.  I feel confident knowing I am abiding by the rules the maker of my body has set, and displaying only what he has said is modest.  My relationship with God is strengthened when I take good care of this gift he has given me.

Don't let the world tell you what is beautiful.  Remember who made the world, and who made you.  His relationship, his guidance, and his ideas, are always the best, and I have never regretted following them, no matter what the trends and ideas around me are.

See ya'll at the pool, and if I'm lucky this summer, the beach.  I'll be the one in a pink swim top that covers my torso, and white shorts that completely hide my butt from the sun, surrounded by three pretty little blondes plastered in sunscreen.  You can't miss us.    

From our cruise last year, not with the kids. 

       

Comfort Zone

My mind has been too full, for too many weeks to write.  I've had to filter through so much, trying to decide what words need to come out.  To summarize the events that have caused this mental turmoil, the Air Force has not been kind of recent to our family.  They have promised holidays, time off, and breaks in deployments, only to change and withdraw them, always for the worse.  Deployments got longer and more frequent, time home cut shorter and shorter.  They have told us we're moving, then told us we can make new plans, then told us we're moving again.  The goodbyes, time apart, to and fro, and constant changing of plans that affect not just my DH, but our whole family, has been a strain on what little peace our family clings to.

A word of caution to anyone considering military service- this is neither unusual nor "unfair".  It simply is.  When you sign a contract, they can say or do whatever they want to you, and if you have a family, remember it will effect them just as much as it affects you.  You quite literally sign your life away, in exchange for a job and benefits for the time on the contract.

For us, that contract meant the military would pay for DH's college and flight school, in exchange for 10 years of service after he received his wings.  It also means a paycheck for that time, a housing allowance, healthcare, and many many logged flight hours to take with him when he leaves.  Thus far the Air Force has kept their end of the deal.  We aren't owed anything more than that.  That contract doesn't mention happiness in the job, satisfaction with the work, and regular or even reasonable working hours.  We don't regret the decisions made back when we were young and in college, no matter how naive we were in making them.  This was the best option for my husband to be a pilot.  And despite the disillusionment we've come to have with the unstoppable U.S. Air Force, we're not entirely ungrateful for the opportunities it's given our family, despite how dearly we have and continue to pay.

The upcoming moving plans will be sending us out west, to New Mexico.  For many, back west is where they want to go, where their hearts lie.  Not mine.  My comfort zone is filled with full, big, beautiful deciduous trees, turquoise beaches, seasons, warm humid air, regular soft rain showers, fireflies, and breezes where you can hear waves or the rustle of leaves.  It's where people say "ya'll", where good BBQ is found, and where the locals have ancestors who fought in the American Civil and Revolutionary wars.  I like to roll down the car windows and smell summer honeysuckle in the wind.  I love peaches off a local fruit stand, berry picking, and thunderstorms.  Oh, Dixieland, my comfort zone.

While I love those things, life is not about living within our comfort zones.  Usually you don't even know what that is, until something forces you to move on or change to make you uncomfortable.  God wants us to learn, grow, and find love and beauty everywhere, in everything.  It's too easy in the land of Dixie to do that.  No matter how unwilling we are, it's time for us to move on to new adventures.  When I wrote her about my moving woes, a dear friend and seasoned military daughter sent me a loving letter, full of understanding and sympathy, but also with the advice that I take the Lord's hand, and my husband's in the other, and jump forward into our new life out west, with excitement and anticipation.  I think it might feel a bit like jumping into a cold pool after sunbathing, but I know she's right.  I know I can, and will.

Some of my friends have these cute signs in their homes, that say "Home is Where the Air Force Sends Us", and then hanging from the sign, are planks with each base or location they were stationed at.

I've thought about getting one made myself, but I've never felt like that phrase fit us.  To me, where I call home has nothing to do with the Air Force.  It's like saying "Home is where your kitchen sink is" - not exactly a  false statement, but more accurately a minor coincidence.  The military may tell us where to go, but they can't dictate where I feel at home.  Where the Air Force sends us is where we make our home, but they aren't why, and don't deserve the honor of being on a sign on my wall.  They've already put their name on my husband, everything he wears, and on enough gear, uniforms, boots, notebooks, manuals, maps, and deployment crap to fill an entire bedroom.  After much meditation throughout these weeks and months of turmoil, I finally came up with a better motto.

Home is Wherever we can be Together  

While I may not be in love with the location, and frustrated with the circumstances the Air Force sometimes places us in, all the pieces of my heart are together when all the members of my family are under one roof.

So look away, Dixieland.  I have to leave you for awhile, and move my home to where my family can be together.  I still love you, and will shed an occasional tear for your benefit while in the far away west, and out of my comfort zone.  I don't know if we'll get to come back, or when that could be.  But when I imagine heaven, it's where my home and you are the same.

I asked the girl who made the above sign if she can do a custom order with my new phrase.  I'll add a picture of it to this post when it's done.  While you wait you can listen to Brad Paisley.  His song helped me find the words I needed write today.

A special thanks to Kim, who was willing to take on a special order and make such a beautiful, personally meaningful sign for us.  Check out her store, she's great.  She also has more items on Facebook, you can message her for a link to that!

Raising Daughters

I have two beautiful, sweet, unique, little girls.

While my parenting experience has only begun, in celebration of Mother's Day this Sunday, I thought I'd make a list of 20 things I've found, both as a mother, daughter, and sister, are important to know when raising girls.  They are in no particular order, and of course, there are many many things I could add.  But I thought an "off the top of my head" list would be a little more authentic, since typically what is most important to us, is most immediately on our minds.

1. Read to her the good books, and she will discover a world even bigger than the one around her

2. When she's old enough to read to herself, teach her how to find the best books, and she will learn to be careful what she lets enter her mind

2. Let her play with your makeup brushes in the mirror while you get ready in the bathroom, and she will see her mother appreciates what she sees in the mirror

3. Take a break to snuggle, and she will feel safe in your arms

4. Teach her how to speak to her parents with respect, and she'll learn to be careful with her words

5. Go for walks, and let her stop to look at a butterfly, smell the flowers, or look for 4 leaf clovers, and you'll inspire her to explore and learn about her world 

6. Keep as many of the pictures she makes for you as you can, and she'll know you think about her

7. Say sorry to her if you've made a mistake, and she'll find value in humility

8. Teach her to sincerely apologize, and she'll learn not to suppress feelings of remorse

9. Teach her that good friends make you feel beautiful, and she'll know how to be a good friend herself

10. Read the scriptures with her every single day, and she'll learn there is a right way to live and be happy

11. Take her to church every Sunday, and she'll learn the best community she is a part of, is one that is Christ centered

12. Help her feel what reverence means, and she'll learn how to listen for Heavenly Father, and know He talks to her in many ways 

13. Teach her that happiness is a choice to make good choices, and she'll know how to find it

14. Dress modestly yourself, and she'll see that modesty means respecting what is beautiful

15. Speak carefully and thoughtfully, and she will see that words can be powerful

16. Give her opportunities to work hard, and she will know what it means to feel successful

17. Sing with her, and she'll learn music is a way to share what is in her heart

18. Keep high expectations for her, and she'll learn you know she is capable of great things

19. Insist she treat her siblings with kindness, and she'll learn the most important relationships are those within the walls of her own home

20.  Marry the right man.  Choose someone to be her father who will honor all things previously listed, and have a list of his own.  Marry a man who puts on the top of his list, loving you.  Because the best way for a daughter to learn to value herself, is by watching how her father honors her mother.  Words cannot fully express my gratitude in finding a man who does this so well.  

     

See what I see...

Facebook seems crowded with women posting and re-posting this video from Dove.

I wont get into the obvious flaws of this "study" that make the results completely unreliable, because this post is already too long.  On the surface, I think we all can appreciate that women in general don't give themselves enough credit, or are too critical of their appearances leading to low self esteem issues that plague the female sex.  OK.  After that tiny ounce of credit I give the company, I must now get on my well worn soapbox.

Women are more than physical beauty.  Physical beauty is shallow.  It is empty.  It says nothing of value about the person.  However we, as human beings cannot help but want it.  I'll admit, I want it.  It's in the title of my blog!  I want to be pretty, and think I am.  But really, I don't care to be remembered that way.  I want my friends to remember me, as pretty smart, pretty kind, pretty thoughtful, pretty sweet, pretty devoted, pretty faithful, pretty creative, pretty selfless...

Why are we so obsessed with physical appearances?  I could go on and on about the media and it's negative impacts on self image, but it wouldn't even exist if the desire to be beautiful wasn't already there.  We want and love physical beauty, because it's natural.  Scientifically, that desire is there to preserve the species.  Signs of beauty are typically correlated with signs of good health, thus encouraging the mating of healthy people, and creating offspring most likely to survive.  So, it's in our genetic makeup to pursue it and desire it.  It's natural.  That doesn't mean it's right.

A great king in the ancient Americas, King Benjamin, and consequently our son's namesake, in his old age gathered all of his people together so he could give them a final address before his death.  His people gathered for miles, setting up their tents around a tower erected for the King to speak from.  He taught many great and beautiful things.  His words are recorded in The Book of Mormon, and among the great wisdom he shared with his people, he gave the following, found in Mosiah 3:19:

For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.  

While we naturally are drawn to physical beauty, and want to judge others and ourselves by those worldly standards, that is not the way of God.  We must rise above that.  Did you notice what example King Benjamin uses to illustrate how to put off the natural man?  He describes a child.

Children see us as we are.  They love freely, unhindered by physical characteristics.  They can see what somehow, as adults, we cannot so easily see.  They have a Christlike love that is pure and unaffected.  Quick to forgive, they openly share unblemished devotion to almost everyone they know.  There are exceptions.  They do judge, but the way God judges- by choices and actions.   Think of the children you know and adore. They love most those who are the kindest to them.  Anyone who is harsh, mean, or mistreats them, they turn away from, fear, and do not love.  And yet, sweetly, they still want to.  They want to love everyone.

In God's eyes, we are beautiful because He made us.  He wants us to see that, and to see that in others.  He wants us to see what is good, and to try to be that way ourselves.  He wants us to follow the example of His son, Jesus Christ.

Look in the mirror.  Do you limit yourself to your natural inhibitions, judging by meaningless, empty physical traits, or do you look beyond the natural man, and see something more?  I challenge you to see how our Savior sees.  He loves you.  He knows your great potential.  Find the things in that reflection that are truly beautiful.  Look at the person who is a good friend.  Find in your eyes someone who loves to study, read, and learn.  Take in the beauty of an individual who is independent, creative, and brave.  Look at the hands that have brought comfort, shared freely, and worked long and patiently for others.  You have feet that can run miles, that can dance, that can take you to great places, ears that can recognize music everywhere, and a mouth that can teach, whisper, smile, and sing.  You have strength to stand up for yourself and others, and a heart that is able to share, love, and forgive.  This is what the Savior sees, what we were meant to do with our bodies, and this precious gift of life we have.  This is what beauty is.

Here is a song and slideshow that I think paint a sweet picture of this very message.

And here's a better video, that teaches so much more than that weak commercial for Dove products.  It speaks of our divine heritage.  We are sons and daughters of God, with endless potential for good.  The true beauty in our reflection, comes from the choice to follow Jesus Christ.


Rise above the sleaze and natural, lost, and lonely images the world is trying to put forth.  Your beauty is based on something so much greater, and is meant to last forever.  So forever lose yourself in those things that have great worth, and mold an individual to be admired and loved for all that you are, and can do.  Something divinely beautiful.