A little bit of humor goes a long, long way

I haven't written since Anny's birthday.  That's a long time, she turned 7 in July, and it's October!  I can think of too many good excuses to explain that.  We were busy moving, busy packing, busy unpacking, and all the drama that comes with that.  However I think the biggest reason I haven't written any new entries, is because I've been sad.  As explained in detail in a previous entry, I wasn't very excited to move from beautiful Florida, to dry New Mexico.  It's been much more difficult than I thought it would be, adjusting to our new home.  It's been hard to make friends, difficult learning where everything in our new town is, challenging creating order and comfort in our new home, frustrating finding a new doctor, new dentist, new piano teacher... if you've moved before, you know what I mean.  I have moved a few times, but I don't know if it's because we were in FL for so long, or have more kids now, or what it is, but this move has just been hard.

However like any difficult life challenge, with diligence, faith, patience, and lots of hard work, one slow day at a time, it gets better.

Humor, of course, also helps.  I have been surprised to find how much I need humor in my life right now.  I need to laugh.  It is such an immense relief from all the stress, to find something that causes spontaneous laughter and smiles.

So, instead of posting pictures of our new house (still not unpacked yet), or listing all the things I am trying to like about this new place but still don't, I thought I'd make a list of things I've found funny the past few weeks.  Even if you don't find them funny, hopefully when I'm having another long day, I can look back on them, and bring up a much needed giggle.  Maybe even a snort.  You know it's really funny if it makes you unattractively snort.

1.  DH learned some interesting information in his welcome to Cannon AFB five hour brief.  (It really was that long!)  He was warned to be watchful of cows.  Yes- cows.  If someone's cow gets loose and wanders into the road, and you hit it and miraculously survive the crash, you'll wish you hadn't.  Not only is it considered your fault for hitting the cow, even if the cow isn't anywhere near the farmer's land- BUT you are required to reimburse the farmer for said cow, PLUS an additional two generations of cow, making up for the loss of potential cow offspring.  Crazy, very crazy.  But also funny.  If I ever hit a cow though, not so funny.

2. We saw a man in a restaurant in a crazy cowboy outfit.  By crazy, I mean he had a huge belt buckle, big brimmed cowboy hat, and cowboy boots that were so pointy, they actually pointed upwards at the tips like elf shoes do, and were covered in a sort of stud-polka dot design.  This may not be funny if you grew up around cowboys, but to this suburban girl who literally had no idea adults wear cowboy hats and boots outside of Halloween parties, it was very funny.  I may have let my jaw drop to the floor, and stared much longer than is polite, before a huge and stupid grin formed on my face, and I had to suppress an intense case of the giggles.  

3. Watching the What Does the Fox Say viral video on youtube over and over with my kids, (it never stops being funny) and having my two year old walk up to me at random moments of the day and sing, "pow pow pow pow, what fox say?"  I've tried to catch him doing it on video with my phone, but as soon as he sees me try, he wont do it anymore.  I haven't given up yet though, it's such a great combination of funny and cute.

4. I saw this commercial on TV last week.  I'm afraid I'm one of those city people who doesn't get it.  Instead, I find it funny.  Just imagining Earl, Jim-bob, Bubba, and all his cousins taking a break from haulin' hay so they can log onto onlyfarmers.com and look up chicks- yeah, sorry, no matter how hard I try to be humble and understanding, it's still funny.

5.  Lots of funny posts on Facebook.  Thank you, my dear friends, for sharing life's funny moments.  I needed the laughs.  I think my favorite funny post, was by my best friend from high school.  She so kindly wrote:

Words I never thought I'd utter: "Don't use your toothbrush to scratch your butt!"

Ah, parenting!  You just can't make this stuff up.

So, it's not a very long list.  There have been a few other humorous moments, but they would fall under the, "you had to be there and have heard the entire conversation" category, and I've found whenever I try to explain those kinds of funny moments, I just start sounding stupid, and whomever is listening, kind of glazes over, and will respond with a fake laugh, or polite comment such as, "haha, yeah", or "uh-huh".

If you have something funny for me, please, by all means, share it in the comments.  Like Elizabeth Bennet, I dearly love to laugh.  

7 Lucky Years

Today was Anny's 7th birthday.

World's cutest 7 year old

Mesmerized by the candles

Making a wish!!

Go Anny!!!

We have now completed 7 lucky years of parenting.  I know they're lucky, because I'm told that all the time.  I've been told over and over we're so lucky to have such great kids.  But I'm going to let you in on a secret- it wasn't luck!!!  DH suggested against writing about this, but I have a very small circle of readers, so I think it's safe to reveal our secret.  Are you ready?  As I said before, we weren't "lucky".  The truth is, our kids are aliens.

It's true!!!  All 3 of them.  Aliens.  "But wait!!!!" you say.  "If your kids are aliens, then that means......."

Yes.  Also true.  My husband and I, are aliens.

I was reflecting on that truth today, while at Chic-Fil-A for Anny's birthday lunch.  It was raining on and off all day, so we decided to visit the only restaurant within at least 20 miles with an indoor play place - the new Gulf Breeze Chic-Fil-A.  I was reminded again that we are aliens as I watched the children in the play place.  There were other kids there, but they were nothing like mine.  They were screaming, pushing, shoving, climbing up slides while others where sliding down, pushing toddlers to the side if they were in their way... and all this with no parents in sight.  It came to me, clear as day- we are aliens.  My children in no way resemble those other children.  I can't say if I resembled the parents, because I didn't see them there.

I have to admit, I always knew I was an alien.  I noticed as a child, I was different than the other children.  I wasn't any smarter, or more beautiful, or even more interesting than them.  I was, however, different.  I have only recently discovered why.  My parents raised me with the same alien methods I use with my own children, and the same can be said for my husband.  (And aren't we both lucky to have found each other!!!  What are the chances that two aliens are to cross roads?!!!)

While I am still slowly discovering those alien methods, and have much to learn, I know my parent's "alien" style of parenting was solely focused on two basic ideas.

1. We are children of a Heavenly Father who has blessed us with knowledge of the right way to live and be happy

2. Because of that knowledge, our parents know we are capable of great things, and expect nothing less

Let me share an example of this philosophy in action.  At church, we begin with a congregational meeting, where everyone sits as families on the pews.  This meeting is approximately an hour long, where we partake of the sacrament, sing hymns, and listen to prepared talks given by members of the congregation.  My alien children, are quiet and reverent for this hour.  My two year old is still learning, but he gets better every week.  How do I keep my children quiet and reverent, sitting still for a full hour?  Setting aside that they are aliens, I apply the above principles.

We have taught our children of their sacred heritage.  Every week we have Family Home Evening, where my husband or I teach them a lesson about the gospel.  We sing songs about our Savior, Jesus Christ, we bare testimony to them that He loves them.  Every night we have scripture study.  We read scripture stories to them, and pray together.  They sit reverently, listen to the stories, and take turns reading or giving prayers.  They know from regular lessons, prayers, and loving testimony from their parents, who they are.  They understand when they are in church, that it is an important time, where we give of ourselves to Heavenly Father.  We pray, we sing, we listen.  What we do at church is very similar to what we do at home.  Our children recognize the Spirit they feel in both places, and it helps them to be reverent.  That's applying above principle number 1.

As for principle number two, they know we expect them to be quiet and reverent that hour during sacrament meeting.  We know they can do it.  We know they are capable of sitting still, listening, and thinking about why they are there, and why it is important.  They know if they are not reverent, that we will be disappointed in them.  We will be disappointed, because we know they can do better.  We know they did not live up to their best.  We know they made a choice to act differently than they were taught.

While in college, I again felt that lonely reminder that I am an alien, as I started student teaching, and then again as a new teacher in my first classrooms.  The commonly over promoted idea was not to push children too hard, or expect too much.  Too often I heard the phrase, "They're only 5th graders, 1st graders, 6th graders, etc."

I felt so differently from my peers.  I didn't think my students were "only" anything.  I saw them as wonderful children capable of great things!  I thought, "they're 5th graders, so I know they can do this!"

My teaching philosophy revolved around encouraging children to stretch their minds and abilities as far as they could, to try new things, and if they made mistakes, to try again.  I believed in my students, I knew they all could work hard and do great things. I never gave them excuses for why they couldn't, I gave them reasons to keep trying until they could.  The most satisfying moments I had in teaching, were when students struggled to work hard on something, but saw the task to the end, and then knew they had accomplished something impressive.  You could see it on their glowing faces!!  Sometimes they'd show a look of surprise, like they didn't know they were capable of such high achievement!  But I knew.  I always knew they could do it.  

So, I must ask, to my faithful few readers- are you an alien too?  Do you too find yourself setting high expectations for yourself and your family?  Do you know somewhere deep inside you, that you and your family are of great worth, with a divine heritage, and therefore capable of great things?  Do you expect those great things from yourself and them?  Do you feel sincere disappointment in yourself and them when goals are not met, yet also unfailing faith that improvement and new progress are possible?

If that isn't you, if you are not an alien, then change!!!  Believe in yourself and your family.  Don't make lists of what you or they can't do and why.  Decide that you can, because you're incredible.  Recite that daily to yourself in the mirror, and then go tell your husband, your wife, your children, your friends.  Tell them you love them, you know they have amazing potential, and even on the worst days, where they stumble and fall over and over, that they are still worth getting back up and trying again.  Find yourself saying phrases like, "I can.  I will.  I must."

This post has gotten too long, and even my few devoted readers have probably faded out a few paragraphs ago.  I apologize.  I can be long winded when it comes to something I feel strongly about.  I'll end with this quote from former prophet, Gordon B. Hinckley,

"I feel to invite every woman everywhere to rise to the great potential within you.  I do not ask that you reach beyond your capacity.  I hope you will not nag yourselves with thoughts of failure.  I hope you will not try to set goals far beyond your capacity to achieve.  I hope you will simply do what you can do in the best way you know.  If you do so, you will witness miracles come to pass." 

You know what you can do, and are capable of.  Deep down, you know.  You have a loving Heavenly Father who made you, and knows you can.  So do it.  And look for the same in your children, and those around you.  It's really not that  alien of an idea.      

Comfort Zone

My mind has been too full, for too many weeks to write.  I've had to filter through so much, trying to decide what words need to come out.  To summarize the events that have caused this mental turmoil, the Air Force has not been kind of recent to our family.  They have promised holidays, time off, and breaks in deployments, only to change and withdraw them, always for the worse.  Deployments got longer and more frequent, time home cut shorter and shorter.  They have told us we're moving, then told us we can make new plans, then told us we're moving again.  The goodbyes, time apart, to and fro, and constant changing of plans that affect not just my DH, but our whole family, has been a strain on what little peace our family clings to.

A word of caution to anyone considering military service- this is neither unusual nor "unfair".  It simply is.  When you sign a contract, they can say or do whatever they want to you, and if you have a family, remember it will effect them just as much as it affects you.  You quite literally sign your life away, in exchange for a job and benefits for the time on the contract.

For us, that contract meant the military would pay for DH's college and flight school, in exchange for 10 years of service after he received his wings.  It also means a paycheck for that time, a housing allowance, healthcare, and many many logged flight hours to take with him when he leaves.  Thus far the Air Force has kept their end of the deal.  We aren't owed anything more than that.  That contract doesn't mention happiness in the job, satisfaction with the work, and regular or even reasonable working hours.  We don't regret the decisions made back when we were young and in college, no matter how naive we were in making them.  This was the best option for my husband to be a pilot.  And despite the disillusionment we've come to have with the unstoppable U.S. Air Force, we're not entirely ungrateful for the opportunities it's given our family, despite how dearly we have and continue to pay.

The upcoming moving plans will be sending us out west, to New Mexico.  For many, back west is where they want to go, where their hearts lie.  Not mine.  My comfort zone is filled with full, big, beautiful deciduous trees, turquoise beaches, seasons, warm humid air, regular soft rain showers, fireflies, and breezes where you can hear waves or the rustle of leaves.  It's where people say "ya'll", where good BBQ is found, and where the locals have ancestors who fought in the American Civil and Revolutionary wars.  I like to roll down the car windows and smell summer honeysuckle in the wind.  I love peaches off a local fruit stand, berry picking, and thunderstorms.  Oh, Dixieland, my comfort zone.

While I love those things, life is not about living within our comfort zones.  Usually you don't even know what that is, until something forces you to move on or change to make you uncomfortable.  God wants us to learn, grow, and find love and beauty everywhere, in everything.  It's too easy in the land of Dixie to do that.  No matter how unwilling we are, it's time for us to move on to new adventures.  When I wrote her about my moving woes, a dear friend and seasoned military daughter sent me a loving letter, full of understanding and sympathy, but also with the advice that I take the Lord's hand, and my husband's in the other, and jump forward into our new life out west, with excitement and anticipation.  I think it might feel a bit like jumping into a cold pool after sunbathing, but I know she's right.  I know I can, and will.

Some of my friends have these cute signs in their homes, that say "Home is Where the Air Force Sends Us", and then hanging from the sign, are planks with each base or location they were stationed at.

I've thought about getting one made myself, but I've never felt like that phrase fit us.  To me, where I call home has nothing to do with the Air Force.  It's like saying "Home is where your kitchen sink is" - not exactly a  false statement, but more accurately a minor coincidence.  The military may tell us where to go, but they can't dictate where I feel at home.  Where the Air Force sends us is where we make our home, but they aren't why, and don't deserve the honor of being on a sign on my wall.  They've already put their name on my husband, everything he wears, and on enough gear, uniforms, boots, notebooks, manuals, maps, and deployment crap to fill an entire bedroom.  After much meditation throughout these weeks and months of turmoil, I finally came up with a better motto.

Home is Wherever we can be Together  

While I may not be in love with the location, and frustrated with the circumstances the Air Force sometimes places us in, all the pieces of my heart are together when all the members of my family are under one roof.

So look away, Dixieland.  I have to leave you for awhile, and move my home to where my family can be together.  I still love you, and will shed an occasional tear for your benefit while in the far away west, and out of my comfort zone.  I don't know if we'll get to come back, or when that could be.  But when I imagine heaven, it's where my home and you are the same.

I asked the girl who made the above sign if she can do a custom order with my new phrase.  I'll add a picture of it to this post when it's done.  While you wait you can listen to Brad Paisley.  His song helped me find the words I needed write today.

A special thanks to Kim, who was willing to take on a special order and make such a beautiful, personally meaningful sign for us.  Check out her store, she's great.  She also has more items on Facebook, you can message her for a link to that!

Raising Daughters

I have two beautiful, sweet, unique, little girls.

While my parenting experience has only begun, in celebration of Mother's Day this Sunday, I thought I'd make a list of 20 things I've found, both as a mother, daughter, and sister, are important to know when raising girls.  They are in no particular order, and of course, there are many many things I could add.  But I thought an "off the top of my head" list would be a little more authentic, since typically what is most important to us, is most immediately on our minds.

1. Read to her the good books, and she will discover a world even bigger than the one around her

2. When she's old enough to read to herself, teach her how to find the best books, and she will learn to be careful what she lets enter her mind

2. Let her play with your makeup brushes in the mirror while you get ready in the bathroom, and she will see her mother appreciates what she sees in the mirror

3. Take a break to snuggle, and she will feel safe in your arms

4. Teach her how to speak to her parents with respect, and she'll learn to be careful with her words

5. Go for walks, and let her stop to look at a butterfly, smell the flowers, or look for 4 leaf clovers, and you'll inspire her to explore and learn about her world 

6. Keep as many of the pictures she makes for you as you can, and she'll know you think about her

7. Say sorry to her if you've made a mistake, and she'll find value in humility

8. Teach her to sincerely apologize, and she'll learn not to suppress feelings of remorse

9. Teach her that good friends make you feel beautiful, and she'll know how to be a good friend herself

10. Read the scriptures with her every single day, and she'll learn there is a right way to live and be happy

11. Take her to church every Sunday, and she'll learn the best community she is a part of, is one that is Christ centered

12. Help her feel what reverence means, and she'll learn how to listen for Heavenly Father, and know He talks to her in many ways 

13. Teach her that happiness is a choice to make good choices, and she'll know how to find it

14. Dress modestly yourself, and she'll see that modesty means respecting what is beautiful

15. Speak carefully and thoughtfully, and she will see that words can be powerful

16. Give her opportunities to work hard, and she will know what it means to feel successful

17. Sing with her, and she'll learn music is a way to share what is in her heart

18. Keep high expectations for her, and she'll learn you know she is capable of great things

19. Insist she treat her siblings with kindness, and she'll learn the most important relationships are those within the walls of her own home

20.  Marry the right man.  Choose someone to be her father who will honor all things previously listed, and have a list of his own.  Marry a man who puts on the top of his list, loving you.  Because the best way for a daughter to learn to value herself, is by watching how her father honors her mother.  Words cannot fully express my gratitude in finding a man who does this so well.  

     

but I know, one thing, that I love you.

During this last deployment, we spent a lot of time planning the perfect trip.  It turns out the perfect trip, is a 7 day cruise on the Royal Caribbean ship Freedom of the Seas, visiting select beautiful Caribbean Islands.  We swam with tropical fish (and a shark!), we jet skied in turquoise water, we laid on the beach and watched airplanes fly so close we could almost touch them, we danced to 80's ballads played by an incredible Filipino cover band, and fell asleep to the music of the waves coming from our private balcony.  It came and went like a dream.  I need to look at the pictures to believe it really happened.  I missed my babies like crazy, and am happy to be home and snuggle them, but we had an amazing time.  Maybe some day we'll take the kids with us on a similar trip.  When they're much older, perhaps in 12 years or so.  Maybe.

See what I see...

Facebook seems crowded with women posting and re-posting this video from Dove.

I wont get into the obvious flaws of this "study" that make the results completely unreliable, because this post is already too long.  On the surface, I think we all can appreciate that women in general don't give themselves enough credit, or are too critical of their appearances leading to low self esteem issues that plague the female sex.  OK.  After that tiny ounce of credit I give the company, I must now get on my well worn soapbox.

Women are more than physical beauty.  Physical beauty is shallow.  It is empty.  It says nothing of value about the person.  However we, as human beings cannot help but want it.  I'll admit, I want it.  It's in the title of my blog!  I want to be pretty, and think I am.  But really, I don't care to be remembered that way.  I want my friends to remember me, as pretty smart, pretty kind, pretty thoughtful, pretty sweet, pretty devoted, pretty faithful, pretty creative, pretty selfless...

Why are we so obsessed with physical appearances?  I could go on and on about the media and it's negative impacts on self image, but it wouldn't even exist if the desire to be beautiful wasn't already there.  We want and love physical beauty, because it's natural.  Scientifically, that desire is there to preserve the species.  Signs of beauty are typically correlated with signs of good health, thus encouraging the mating of healthy people, and creating offspring most likely to survive.  So, it's in our genetic makeup to pursue it and desire it.  It's natural.  That doesn't mean it's right.

A great king in the ancient Americas, King Benjamin, and consequently our son's namesake, in his old age gathered all of his people together so he could give them a final address before his death.  His people gathered for miles, setting up their tents around a tower erected for the King to speak from.  He taught many great and beautiful things.  His words are recorded in The Book of Mormon, and among the great wisdom he shared with his people, he gave the following, found in Mosiah 3:19:

For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.  

While we naturally are drawn to physical beauty, and want to judge others and ourselves by those worldly standards, that is not the way of God.  We must rise above that.  Did you notice what example King Benjamin uses to illustrate how to put off the natural man?  He describes a child.

Children see us as we are.  They love freely, unhindered by physical characteristics.  They can see what somehow, as adults, we cannot so easily see.  They have a Christlike love that is pure and unaffected.  Quick to forgive, they openly share unblemished devotion to almost everyone they know.  There are exceptions.  They do judge, but the way God judges- by choices and actions.   Think of the children you know and adore. They love most those who are the kindest to them.  Anyone who is harsh, mean, or mistreats them, they turn away from, fear, and do not love.  And yet, sweetly, they still want to.  They want to love everyone.

In God's eyes, we are beautiful because He made us.  He wants us to see that, and to see that in others.  He wants us to see what is good, and to try to be that way ourselves.  He wants us to follow the example of His son, Jesus Christ.

Look in the mirror.  Do you limit yourself to your natural inhibitions, judging by meaningless, empty physical traits, or do you look beyond the natural man, and see something more?  I challenge you to see how our Savior sees.  He loves you.  He knows your great potential.  Find the things in that reflection that are truly beautiful.  Look at the person who is a good friend.  Find in your eyes someone who loves to study, read, and learn.  Take in the beauty of an individual who is independent, creative, and brave.  Look at the hands that have brought comfort, shared freely, and worked long and patiently for others.  You have feet that can run miles, that can dance, that can take you to great places, ears that can recognize music everywhere, and a mouth that can teach, whisper, smile, and sing.  You have strength to stand up for yourself and others, and a heart that is able to share, love, and forgive.  This is what the Savior sees, what we were meant to do with our bodies, and this precious gift of life we have.  This is what beauty is.

Here is a song and slideshow that I think paint a sweet picture of this very message.

And here's a better video, that teaches so much more than that weak commercial for Dove products.  It speaks of our divine heritage.  We are sons and daughters of God, with endless potential for good.  The true beauty in our reflection, comes from the choice to follow Jesus Christ.


Rise above the sleaze and natural, lost, and lonely images the world is trying to put forth.  Your beauty is based on something so much greater, and is meant to last forever.  So forever lose yourself in those things that have great worth, and mold an individual to be admired and loved for all that you are, and can do.  Something divinely beautiful.
     

Put a Dad in It

A song came to mind as I was scrolling through the latest pictures on my camera.  It's Brooks & Dunn's song Put a Girl in It.  It's all about how everything in life is better if you "put a girl in it".  Except of course, I was substituting "Dad" for "girl".  Everything is just better with Dad in the mix.

Warning, if you click on my link to the music video of the Brooks & Dunn song, I suggest you listen without watching the video.  It's full of some less than respectable girls, pretty, but scantily clad, drinking and dancing.  I can't help but leave the disclaimer that life in general is much better without that kind of girl.  AND girls are capable of so much more than looking and acting sexy.  Where are the clips of girls wiping the tears of a toddler, putting an arm around a lonely friend, teaching a class, baking something irresistible...  So, yeah, cute and true song, but very sexist video.   

Here's a much better video, if I do say so myself!!!  Daddy isn't in all of the photos, because more often than not, he was behind the camera!!!  We've all been drinking in the family time, in satisfying heavy doses.

Make a video - it's fun, easy and free!
www.onetruemedia.com

To each of my sweethearts, whether you're 32 or not quite 2, isn't it obvious we belong together?!      

I dance in my kitchen

      

I dance in my kitchen a lot.  After I put the kids to bed, I turn up my rockin' out tunes, and while I'm sweeping the never quite clean floor, and taking part in that circle of life that is dishwashing (they're never all clean, it's just a rotating circle of sink, to dishwasher, to cupboards, repeat!) I dance.  Not well, of course.  I'm no dancer.  I took 1 tap/ballet class for a month or so when I was 6, and then my DH took me to a ballroom dance class one time during the early stages of dating, when he wasn't yet sure if he should admit he hates dancing.  So I'm no good.  But I love it anyway.  I'm like Baloo the Bear, from Disney's The Jungle Book.  I hear the groove, and I have to move.  It slows down my kitchen cleanup a bit, but it's a nice stress reliever too.  I twist, I shake, I bounce, and I lose myself in the beat for a few minutes.

I realized the other day, that I don't do this all the time.  It's a deployment thing.  I don't know if it's because I'm too self-conscious to completely let loose like that in front of my husband, or maybe I'm worried he'll be annoyed with the loud music.  I've never given it enough thought to know why.  But it got me thinking.  Are there other things I'll miss when he comes home?  Am I even allowed to miss anything about this temporary husbandless existence of mine?

It's strange trying to think about that.  My inner-self splits into two personalities.  One is the loving wife, do-anything-for-your-marriage-and-life-is-miserable-without-him side, and the other is my feminist, you-don't-need-a-man-to-complete-you (add a snap and body roll to that) side.  The feminist tries to think of things I've enjoyed while he was gone, and the loving wife side jumps in and stops those thoughts saying, "It doesn't matter!!!" or "You just did that to pass the time while he was away!!"

It's an odd conflict, and I'm not sure either side ever wins.  Probably because they both are a part of me.  However, I think I will let the feminist have her day, and make my list.  But to pacify the loving wife, I'll add the disclosure that I'd trade the entire list right now for even just snuggling on the couch with my husband, watching football that I'm sort of paying attention to.  Wait- make that college basketball.  Football season is over.  I forgot.  Obviously he's been gone awhile.  ESPN.com and Cougarboard aren't even on our google chrome most visited pages list anymore!!!  They have been replaced with Pinterest, Facebook, Amazon, and the Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines page.  

1.  Online shopping.  I do, of course, still buy things when he's home, but when he's gone I have the "I'm lonely so I'm sending myself a package" excuse.  It's a fabulous excuse, even if half the wearable things get returned because it turns out I don't look as much like the model as I thought I did.

2.  Fast Food.  I cook well when I have a husband to eat it.  Otherwise, I'm not ashamed to admit fast food happens a lot.  Enough for my 4 year old to sigh with happiness and say, "I love drive-thru's!"  It's too frustrating cooking for myself and 3 minis.  Unless it's pancakes, waffles, one of the many forms of hot dogs (hot dogs, corn dogs, pigs in a blanket, chili dogs, hot dogs cut up with beans) or frozen chicken nuggets, someone wont eat it.  Healthy meals I either have to eat myself for a week (because I don't know how to cut my family recipes down) or end up throwing it out.  Both are not ideal.  So fast food and pizza have been our friends.  Don't judge 'till you've walked the 4 month mile.  Or the two month mile, times 7.  

3.  The sewing bug.  I've caught it a few times this deployment, and have made several satisfying projects that make me want to smile, snap a picture, post it somewhere and proclaim, "Yeah, I made that!".  It's not so satisfying however staying up late trying to finish something, while my husband is in bed wondering when sewing became more attractive than him.  When he's gone however, I can stay up 'till 2 am guilt free, finishing up something adorable.

4.  Chick Flicks.  They replace the 4 games of football/basketball/baseball going on simultaneously on the iPad, computer, TV, and phone.  I cry at the good parts, without making anyone concerned for my emotional stability, and don't have to tune out the teasing banter about the obvious lacking in masculinity of the male heroes in my beloved favorite films.  Edward, Mr. Darcy, Tad Hamilton, and the others are safe.

5.  Reading without stopping.  I don't have it in me to give up reading when my DH comes home, but I do try a little harder not to get so lost in my books, that I don't notice he went to bed 3 hours ago.  It's happened, I'm ashamed to say.  But when he's gone, I don't need to use any caution.  No reason to rush off to a cold, lonely bed.  It's not going anywhere, unlike the plot of my book!

6.  Girl Time.  It's much easier planning in girl time, because I can do it pretty much 24-7.  My schedule is wide open.  Virtually.  The kids do have a few things.  But for the most part, when a girlfriend wants to hang out, the answer is most emphatically, "yes!"

7.  Spaghetti, Shepherd's Pie, Chili, Taco Soup.  When I do get around to cooking, I make what I like, and don't need to compromise two sets of tastes.

Seven is a lucky number, so I'll stop there.  I can't think of anything else major at the moment anyway.

To my amazing husband when his internet works long enough to read this, I miss you like a dieter misses doughnuts, like pot roast misses salt, like a city night misses stars, like a Virginia girl living in the desert would miss trees.  Lots and lots.  But, I am a trained resilient girl, and am learning to look for the good things in any situation.  I've found a few, that keep me happy and busy when I'm missing you.  But sleep well knowing none of them come close to spending time with the most important person in my world.

Spilled chocolate milk

I looked my 4 year old in the eye, and said, "now I need you to be so careful with this milk.  I don't have an extra dress for you, and if you spill this chocolate milk all over your dress, we have to go home."

She returned my serious look, and said she understood.  We were sitting in the car, in front of the Burger King on base, scarfing down some lunch before attending an "I'm a hero too" party for children with deployed parents.  The kids had been looking forward to the party all day.

Can you guess what happened 10 minutes into our little meal?  Of course.  Spilled chocolate milk.  All. Over.  She was soaked.  Now what?  We live 30 minutes from base, no time to go get a change of clothes.  Well, I came up with the brilliant idea to go to the BX, and see if I can't find a 4T outfit, and still salvage our afternoon.  For all my non-military readers, the BX stands for Base Exchange, and is sort of like an on-base Wal-mart or Target.

I unbuckled and hustled everyone into the store as fast as their little legs could go, and toddler on my hip, diaperbag on my shoulder, little girls trailing, I grabbed the first outfit I could find.  It was a bright orange, frilly, sparkly, bejeweled top with zebra print capris.  A little more funky than what I usually buy, but Merrylee was pleased, and Anny was grateful her fun day wasn't ruined by a younger sibling.  I tried not to think of all the negative behaviors I was reinforcing as I paid the cashier.

The girls made some new friends at the party, and when I wasn't chasing around my energetic toddler, I was able to grab brief bits of conversation with other tired but stalwart moms fighting the same home-front fight.

After the party, I had planned to brave the mall with my crew so I could return some online purchases, and buy a birthday present.  I lost count of how many times I said in my loudest-but-not-yet-yelling voice, "Do not touch anything!"

We fit the exhausted-mom-shopping-with-too-many-kids mold pretty nicely.  The girls fought and picked at each other, while my nap-depraved son whined in the stroller, and dropped his lovey about every 5 minutes. Still, I managed to make my returns, buy the birthday gift, and even found time to buy a few fragrant hand soaps from Bath and Body Works.  I would have liked to have actually smelled most of their scents and chosen my favorites, but due to a lacking in both time and well behaved children, I went with the first one I liked, another that had a catchy title, and two favorites of the cashiers.

By then everyone was hungry.  I settled for pizza and lemonade in the food court for the kids, and a gyro and flavored fries for me.  The gyro was just ok, but I knew from experience, the fries would be amazing, thanks to their secret recipe seasoning.

I warned Merrylee to be extra careful not to get pizza onto her brand new shirt, and told Anny to be careful with the lemonade, and share with her sister.  Can you guess what happened?  Of course.  Greasy pizza, splat, onto the new shirt.  The lemonade spilled.  Thankfully, there was a lid on the lemonade, so the first initial spill wasn't too bad.  The second, third, and fourth however, took it's toll on our stack of napkins, everyone's laps, and my patience.  I didn't realize we also had a nice little sticky puddle of lemonade on the floor- until Ben dropped his lovey into it.

We went home.  I bathed the kids, we had scripture study, and everyone went to bed before 7.  A little early for a Saturday night, but I was done being a parent.

Feeling drained and a bit fragile, I cut myself a generous slice of leftover black forest cake, and settled into my computer chair, ready to unwind, and prepare my Sunday school lesson for the nursery.  On the LDS website where they have the lesson manuals, I saw this video.  Happy to procrastinate my lesson planning, I watched.



I cannot watch this little video without tearful gratitude for my Heavenly Father's love for me.  My frustrating afternoon and troubles suddenly seemed so infantile and small.  How many things have I taken for granted today?  How many times has God had patience with me, and warned me about bad choices, only to watch me make them anyway?  How many times has He then continued to bless and assist me, despite my imperfections?  He'll clean up spilled chocolate milk. He will turn my mistakes into growth and blessings.  He wont mock me for crying over silly little things, and he'll continually bless me with more ways to be happy.  He will always be there.  He will always provide.  I will never be able to pay Him back, or even fully comprehend all He has done for me.  He doesn't expect me to.  He does everything for me, for the same reason I do everything for my own children.  I love my babies.  Heavenly Father loves me.  He loves me because I am His child, and He is my Father.    

Why don't we hear this more?

I came across this article from the Washington Post on Facebook.  I had to share, both on my own page and here.  I loved this article.  It made me feel proud to be a SAHM.  (Stay at home mom!)  I started thinking about it though.  Why don't more people acknowledge this?  Why aren't moms screaming from the rooftops the long list of endless work motherhood entails?  That would no doubt snuff out much of the criticism.     Perhaps the answer to that question lies in the first line of the last paragraph in the article.  Being a stay-at-home-mom is a choice.  There is nothing in the world a man or woman can love more than a mother loves her babies.  So she's not going to complain about her job.  If she's upset and overworked, it's not because she hates being a mother.  It's because she's worried that despite her exhaustion, she still might not be doing enough.

   
You may also read the article online here.

It came, still the same

I grow tired every year of the commonly accepted and shared idea both on TV and even among Christians, that for one reason or another, Christmas this year may not come.  In the movies, it's usually tied to some sort of tragedy that may yet happen to Santa Claus.  Among Christians, you hear them mention that Christmas may not come to certain underprivileged families if it weren't for our charity.

The Santa Claus idea, is of course, ridiculous.  Didn't the Grinch already try that?  He posed as Santa, and undid all of his work.  We all know the story, right?  He sat on the cliff of Mt. Crumpit, with his sleigh full of stolen holiday gifts, and waited for the crying in the Whoville valley to begin.  But it did not.

"That's a noise," grinned the Grinch, "that I simply must hear!"
He paused, and the Grinch put a hand to his ear
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow
It started in low . . .
. . . then it started to grow . . . 

But this--this sound wasn't sad!
Why, this sound sounded . . . glad! 

Every Who down in Whoville,
the tall and the small,
was singing--without any presents at all! 

He hadn't stopped Christmas from coming--it came!
Somehow or other, it came just the same."

Dr. Doofenshmirtz also tried to destroy Christmas.  In that great modern animated marvel that is Phineas and Ferb, he created a "naughty-inator", that marked the entire town of Danville as naughty, and thus causing Santa to skip their town.  But as he plays his Secret-Santa gifted CD of Music by Sal Tuscany, he hears the lyrics rise in volume, "Christmas cannot be destroyed!  Not even by a naughty-inator!!!"

It isn't destroyed, of course.  Phineas and Ferb feel a rush of charitable Christmas Spirit, and with the help of little elves and good friends, they deliver the toys themselves, only to realize Santa was there all along, enjoying their rest stop they created for him on their roof.  Santa thanks them for "doing the Danville run", which allowed him a nice little break.  He hints at a higher order of things, that despite evil schemes, cannot be taken away from us at Christmastime.

In times of tragedy, war, or great sadness, we can be tempted to skip Christmas, or even doubt it's meaning.  Longfellow wrote the poem and now beloved Christmas carol, I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day, on December 25, 1864, during the American Civil War.  It was right after his son was severely injured in a battle, and the recent tragic death of his wife in a fire.

Then from each black, accursed mouth
The cannon thundered in the South,
And with the sound
The carols drowned
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

It was as if an earthquake rent
The hearth-stones of a continent
And made forlorn
The households born

Of peace on earth, good-will to men!
And in despair I bowed my head;
"There is no peace on earth," I said;
"For hate is strong,
And mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!"

In the midst of war, and sorrow, he felt all Christianity had been drowned out by the sound of cannons, and the cries of families, now husband and fatherless.  But then the music of the bells ring a message of eternal truth, piercing to the soul.

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep;
"God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;
The Wrong shall fail,
The Right prevail,
With peace on earth, good-will to men"

Longfellow knew, as all good Christians must, that Christmas cannot ever be destroyed.  It cannot be destroyed, because the Savior came.  He was born, he lived!!  He lived a perfect life, of charity, of peace, of sacrifice.  He sacrificed himself for all of us, and he was murdered, betrayed by his own.  But not even death could hold him.  After three days, our Lord and Savior, rose again.  He was resurrected.  He lives!!!  He conquered pain, sin, sadness, and death.  He returned in all His glory, and we all love and worship Him, most especially on Christmas.

We don't need any of the fun traditions, colors, gifts, music, movies, or frills that come with Christmas, to celebrate it's meaning.

"And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow,
stood puzzling and puzzling.  How could it be so?
It came without ribbons!  It came without tags!
It came without packages, boxes or bags! 

And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before.
What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store?
What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more?"

Christmas means so much more.  Christmas is the meaning behind why we are here, our purpose in life, and where we are going after this.  Christmas is about the Savior, and following Him.  No amount of sad circumstances or loss can take away the miracle of Jesus Christ.  Not war, not poverty, not absence of loved ones, or even lack of faith or believing, can ever do that.  Christmas cannot be destroyed.

"God is not dead, nor doth He sleep!"

The gift of our Savior is free to everyone and anyone who will take upon themselves His name, and try to live like Him.  His gift is perfect, eternal, and will be denied to no one who comes to Him.

Good Christians try to reach out to friends and neighbors during Christmastime, and the love shared during this season is beautiful and inspiring.  But we are not saving Christmas when we share with the needy and less fortunate.  Because there is nothing to save.  The saving has already been done.

Even the forgotten, or those out of our reach, suppressed and imprisoned by tyrants, warlords, and other evil people who attempt to hurt, abuse, and destroy, can still be touched by the gift the Savior has given us.  While we cannot help them, the Savior can, and has.  There is nothing any being can do to deny the gifts of our Savior.  

To quote a great Easter hymn, He is Risen:

He is risen! He is risen!
Tell it out with joyful voice.
He has burst his three days' prison;
Let the whole wide earth rejoice.
Death is conquered; man is free.
Christ has won the victory. 

This year my family celebrated Christmas.  We couldn't all be together in the same room, but we celebrated just the same.  We were happy.  We found peace in the gift of our Savior.  We felt the eternal bonds of our family stretch across the world, keeping us together.  Christmas was not destroyed because someone was missing.  Our tiny family celebrated the gift our Savior, that began on a silent, sacred, holy night.  We are grateful for His love and sacrifice.  We know He loves our family.  We understand that our joy and blessings come through Him.  We were able to see, on that sacred day, that those blessings are precious, and are many.

So from our home to yours, may we quote the words of Santa Claus, who understands more than the movies of our time give him credit, "Merry Christmas to ALL, and to ALL, a goodnight."

May you find joy and peace in the gift that was yours before you were born, 2,013 years ago.
    

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How I can do it

"I don't know how you do it."

I hear that phrase so often when others hear how frequently my husband has to deploy.  They are being kind, and I know that.  Perhaps they are imagining me standing at the doorway, watching as he rolls his bags down the driveway to a taxi, or maybe they can picture too many tender goodbyes he's made to our kids.  They too may know something of loneliness, or the exhaustion that comes from doing things day after day, without help or relief.

How can I do this over and over?  How do I stay happy, raise babies, and keep our house a home, when I so often have to do it alone?  I can do it because of my faith.  I believe in Christ.  I believe that I am a daughter of God, who loves me, and I love Him.  I feel strength when I read the scriptures.  I feel peace when I read them to my children.

I love my husband.  I worry about his safety, and the idea that he may not make it home is ever present in my mind.  While I would never welcome that possibility, I do not fear it.  I know that I am not forgotten.  I know my life matters to God.  He loves my family, and he is there, watching, and helping us everyday.  When I pray about these things, I can feel it in my heart, with a strength I cannot question.

Every year I include a scripture that has special meaning to me in our Christmas card.  This year the choice was very easy.

John 16:33

These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace.  In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

This year, as we face another holiday season apart, I will have moments of weakness, grief, and loneliness.  But I believe in Jesus Christ, and He overcame the world.  If he overcame the world, what are my small trials in comparison?  He has helped me, and still will, come what may.