Hippie Night

Monday evenings are in a way just as sacred as the sabbath to LDS families.  However instead of forgetting all worldly cares, and dedicating ourselves to a day of rest and worship as we do on Sundays, we set all else aside, and focus on our families.  Church buildings are locked and dark, and our temples are closed.  We are discouraged from holding parties, receptions, showers, and other get togethers that would distract from family time, or pull someone away from home.  We're even discouraged from signing up our children with sports teams, music groups, or anything else that would regularly meet on a Monday evening.  Monday nights are for the family, and what could possibly be more important than a consistent, regular family meeting time?

We call these special weekly meetings Family Home Evening, or FHE for short.  I was privileged to grow up in a family that never missed a single FHE.  Occasionally my dad's job would keep him working late or out of town, but my mom then directed our family evenings herself.  We sang songs, read from the scriptures, had gospel lessons, ate treats, and enjoyed being together.  Sometimes we'd go out to the movies as a family, or play flashlight games outside.  Parents, brothers, and sisters became an audience to preform dance routines, a new song learned on a musical instrument, or a poem memorized at school.  We also used that time to discuss important events, and make family decisions.  Some of my most treasured childhood memories are from a common Monday night practice in our home, where during "treat time" at the end of FHE, my Dad read aloud stories or chapters from funny books.  We'd laugh until we were at risk of choking or spitting out chocolate brownie, and were always sad when the story or chapter was over, and we had to get ready for bed.  Even as a moody teenager, I looked forward to Monday nights.  It was an oasis of happiness, strategically placed at the start of a long and difficult week of high school. 

I remember when I was twelve, I had an opportunity to join an elite children's orchestra.  My violin teacher highly recommended the group, and my mother, being a music teacher herself, knew the experience would be a good opportunity for me.  However when we learned the group met on Monday evenings, there was no argument or pause.  I didn't have to fight with my mother, I simply knew, this wasn't something I would participate in.  She really wanted me to be a part of this group, but despite this disappointment, she didn't hesitate for a second, or rationalize that maybe we could switch the nights for family night.  We both knew right away, Monday nights are family nights, and being a great musician comes second to being together as a family. I didn't join the group. 

At the time that experience wasn't significant, because it was consistent with training I'd had all my life.  It didn't stand out as extraordinary to me.  I see now that it was.  I've realized it's my parents unfailing attitude and dedication to our family that has taught me where my priorities should be, and how to run my own family now.  The confidence I have in my family relationships has so much to do with that family night.  Our schedule of activities molded around family night, and not the reverse.  Tuesday through Saturday the world had claim on our time.  Nothing touched Monday nights, because there never was something else more important.   

I do not think there is a better way to demonstrate love to your family.  There are naturally other important things not to be neglected, such as kind words, patience, hard work, a listening ear, providing for essential needs, teaching discipline and moderation, keeping a clean and healthy home, the list goes on.  However I have witnessed the blessings of a regular family time that comes second to nothing else.  I was reminded every single Monday of the first eighteen years of my life that I was loved, and that being together as a family mattered.  Nothing shook our resolve.  Come what may, we'd be together that night.  I was never bitter or unhappy about that.  No one in my family was.  We wanted to be together.  What more could you want from life than to be together with your family? 

After that lengthy and slightly heavy description of a topic of obvious importance to me, you're probably wondering what on earth gave me the inclination to name this entry "hippie night"?  Well I can answer that!!!  My husband and I do hold FHE with our family.  After a perfect legacy and example set by my parents, how can we not?!!!  With Daddy's frequent deployments, its obvious to anyone how important a regular family meeting time would be.  Now, admittedly while Daddy is away and the girls are so little, holding FHE does feel a bit redundant, since we're together all day anyway.  However routine and memories start early, and I don't really have an excuse not to do something special on Mondays with my little sweeties.  Last night the girls and I had a "hippie night" together for our FHE.  Not really, but we did make homemade granola.  Then we formed a drum circle, sang "kum bi ya" . . . just kidding.  I'm much too conservative, and would probably offend most hippies by applying the term to myself.  We did make the granola though, and it was fun!!! 

We'd had a late lunch, and not having a hungry Daddy coming home from work to cook for makes our dinner routine a little more flexible.  Emma, my fabulous friend, who is a great mom, and a former professional chef, recommended this recipe for homemade granola.  As our "optional ingredients" we added dried cranberries and mini chocolate chips, half a cup each, and enjoyed bowls of freshly made granola for supper.  Both my girls, who are picky eaters, especially at supper time, gobbled it right up!!  It's of course tasty with fruit, or on ice cream or yogurt (so I hear anyway) but we ate it by itself like dry cereal.  We had so much fun making it and of course eating it together, I had to share both the experience and recipe.  A healthy, kid-friendly snack, that contains whole grains, fruit, protein, and no preservatives (since we made it at home ourselves!) is a rare find!! 

So- go start up a family night, and make some granola!!!  If you ever need ideas on what to do together, I'm your girl, as I've had a lifetime of experience on the subject.  Don't feel intimidated or tell yourself it's too late, your kids are too old, your lives too busy... because the way to make something like this work, is to set aside all excuses, get started, and don't stop.  You'll never truly have something better to do in place of this time, and you'll never miss what you sacrificed to be together.  Think about what in your heart is most important to you, and you'll know I'm right.  Not that I can take credit.  FHE wasn't my idea after all...

Little Brothers

Although the title may suggest otherwise, we did not recently find out we're expecting twin boys. I have had a "feeling" we're expecting a son. Usually my maternal instincts are wrong though, so we'll see.

This post is dedicated to not the future brothers of Anny and Merrylee, but rather to my little brothers, Peter and Joseph. The holidays came and went with the number one man in our lives overseas. Daddy's in the Air Force, so as Merrylee often says these days in her cute little toddler voice, "it happens".

Instead of moping around the house in FL, we were graciously invited to spend Christmas and New Years with my family in VA. I have to admit there wasn't a complete lack of moping there on my part, but my little brothers, who are both taller than me now and much much cooler, were awesome, fun, hilarious, friendly, cute, witty, charming, chivalrous, and tremendously adored by their little nieces. They truly made that visit special for us. I started making a list of some of the things they did to make our visit great, but the list seemed so incomplete and didn't clearly illustrate how extraordinary my brothers really are. From cleaning dirty diapers and throw-up (a lot of both) to demonstrating an endless supply of patience for chatter and princess games, they did it all and then some. They made me laugh when I was lonely, smile and forget I was nauseous . . . I'm afraid I'm at a loss in how to describe my gratitude to them. Perhaps my feelings are best demonstrated in song.



Uncle Joe and Uncle Pete, we love you both so so much, and miss you already. I feel very much like Candice in the video, the silly and obnoxious big sister who's only claim to fame is being related to and older than Phineas and Pherb. How am I related to such incredible guys as you two??!! Just lucky I guess!!

A humble two year old

We have an advent calendar the girls enjoy using at Christmastime.  It's the same calendar I used as a little girl.  The tradition is to fill each of the little pockets with York Peppermint Patties.  Each day of December before Christmas, the little mouse gets moved to a new pocket, and the peppermint pattie is split between participating siblings.  Anny actually remembered the calendar this year.  She had a fun time filling each of the pockets with peppermint patties as we got out our decorations, and had a bit of a tearful moment when one bag of mints only filled 22 of the pockets.  Thankfully she has an experienced mother, who plans ahead for these things.  I showed her the second bag I had bought, and she smiled, wiped the tears off her cheeks, and finished filling the pockets.  The extra mints lasted just a couple tasty days in our candy dish. 

Anny looks forward to her daily special duty of taking out the mint, splitting it with her sister, and moving the mouse into his new pocket.  Merrylee of course looks forward to this too, and doesn't seem to notice when her half of the mint is somehow a bit smaller than her sisters. 

This afternoon I was busy procrastinating some much needed house cleaning (still am as I write this post!) and doing some last minute online shopping.  Merrylee had dragged a stool into the pantry, and was trying to find herself a snack.  After refusing her various requests for christmas tree cakes and cookies, I finally just told her to stay out of the pantry.  A few minutes passed, and it got a little too quiet in the kitchen- usually a time when the "mommy sensors" go off.  I called for Merrylee, and recieved no response.  I got up to see what she was up to, and found her sitting at the kitchen table, taking a bite out of a peppermint pattie she had snuck out of the advent calendar.  She immediately looked up at me with a very guilty face.  Obviously no "she's too little to understand" excuse could be applied.  I told her "no" and reminded her those were special candies for our calendar.  She made a very humble and sad face, and looked at her toes.  A little hand containing the half eaten mint was rasied up towards me as she softly replied, "here Mama.  I don't want it anymore."

My heart melted, and not not wanting to ruin a perfect parenting moment, instead of smothering her with the huge snuggle I instantly craved, I took the candy, and wiped the chocolate off her fingers. 

I think we'll keep her. 

Anny of course wandered into the kitchen to see what was going on.  When I explained what had happened, Anny looked at Merrylee shocked and said incredulously, "How did she open it?!!" 

Anny has a bit of trouble opening candies, and even resorts to scissors on occasion.  I responded simply that Merrylee doesn't seem to have those same challenges.

Here's a photo of the little sweetheart, expressing the latest fashions for toddlers.  Looking at that little face, I wonder how we manage any sort of discipline at all.

Daughters in the Wilderness

When I am at my worst, I find strength through reading the scriptures.  I feel stronger at the core, and similar to the sensation of Tylenol after a fever, that strength spreads to the rest of me, and things seem easier.  Much of this is because spiritual feelings affect us physically.  Physically one can feel lighter, less lonely, and peaceful after reading the words of God and his prophets.

It is also no secret that blessings come from study and learning.  While studying biology, a better understanding of life is gained, as well as an appreciation for the world, it's beauty, creation, and our place in it's vast existence.  The mind is opened as the function of organisms is broken down to a cellular level.  Wonderment of the intricacy of a tiny plant, and all that goes on for it to survive, broadens how we view everything else.  New knowledge changes us, and how we think. 

The same phenomenon occurs through studying and searching the scriptures.  We gain a clearer understanding of God, and his will for us.  The scriptures provide examples of people who had trials, sorrow, and pain of their own.  Some of these people through their trials turned cold, bitter, and set a legacy of hatred, killing, and ignorance for generations of posterity.  Others faithfully and steadfastly turned to God throughout their trials.  They were hungry, and prayed for where to find food.  In danger from enemies, they prayed for where to flee to safety, or how to fight and save their families and freedom.  They made boats, crossed oceans and vast wildernesses, started new civilizations, created new governments, and built temples.

I study the scriptures, and feel physical blessings from the spiritual connection I feel with God.  I also feel the knowledge from the scriptures change how I think.  Compassion replaces frustration, as I think on experiences with my children during the day.  Patience replaces weariness when I look at the examples of other steadfast saints, with trials much greater than mine.

Such was the case as I stumbled upon a poster online, of a group of women who knew real trials, much greater than what I've had to bear.

Ancient prophet, Lehi, was warned by God of the impending destruction of his home city, Jerusalem.  God told him to take his family, and flee into the wilderness.  Lehi was a wealthy man, and years of travel without what were his "modern conveniences" that came with city living, I imagine was no small difficulty.  However he unquestioningly heeded God's warning.  His family left, and had a long and difficult journey.  That family included Lehi's sons and their families.  Children were conceived and born on that trek, yet they carried on.  Lehi had a copy of the scriptures.  He read to his family, and I know it gave them strength and direction.

The poster I found online is of the women of Lehi's family.  Daughters and wives, with babies on their hips, walking forward, steadfast with faith in their God shining in their eyes.  In the corner of the poster is a scripture, describing the experience of these women.

1 Nephi 17:1-3

1 ... And we did travel and wade through much affliction in the wilderness; and our women did bear children in the wilderness.

2 And so great were the blessings of the Lord upon us, that while we did live upon raw meat in the wilderness, our women did give plenty of suck for their children, and were strong, yea, even like unto the men; and they began to bear their journeyings without murmurings.

3 And thus we see that the commandments of God must be fulfilled. And if it so be that the children of men keep the commandments of God he doth nourish them, and strengthen them, and provide means whereby they can accomplish the thing which he has commanded them; wherefore, he did provide means for us while we did sojourn in the wilderness.

I read of these women, look in their eyes in the poster, and feel some of their strength pass to me.  These women loved their families.  They needed strength beyond what they were born with, so they could complete the great task before them.  Turning to God blessed them with what I know they desperately prayed for.  When we are on our knees with our most desperate prayers, aren't those prayers always about our families?  I imagine those women on their knees and in tears, pleading with God saying, "Please, help me feed my babies.  Help me wake up tomorrow, and keep moving.  Please give me strength to carry on, when on my own, I have none left".

God answered their prayers.  He gave them strength like men.  These city women, with soft, unchallenged bodies used to easy living and wealth, discovered they could live off of raw meat, travel while pregnant, give birth in the wilderness, and feed their children.

If God answered their prayers, is he not even more capable of helping me?  When I come to him through prayer, knowing my own strength has left, I know he can help me, just as he helped these women.  I do not need the same blessings.  Thankfully I do not need to learn to survive on raw meat, and live for years in a wilderness.  My trials are different, and the blessings personal to me.  I see them everyday.  After a long tiring day, I find I still have the energy to stay up with a sick baby.  A friend will call or stop by, and give me support I didn't even realize I so desperately needed.  A broken internet connection will fix itself, so we can still talk to Daddy.  I have hot water, plenty of food, a working car, good health, a washing machine, air conditioner, and internet camera.  I can talk to and see my husband who is on the other side of the world.  I am blessed and made stronger, by being able to see my many blessings, and appreciate and focus on them.  Reading the scriptures changes the way I think, and better allows me to find happiness at a difficult time. 

The women of Lehi's family didn't pray, and wake up in the comfort of their homes in Jerusalem.  I'm sure on weaker days they noticed they were still in the dirty wilderness, still tired, still had to live off raw meat, and had little ones who always needed them.  I have no doubt there were mornings where they looked around and thought, "I really hate this."

If I'm not careful it's too easy to hate my circumstances too.  I notice my dirty house I never seem to keep up with, the large stack of calendar days my husband is still away, how yucky and tired I feel, and how early my children wake up every day, not to mention that never ending list of tasks I need to complete no matter how I'm feeling.  I wouldn't trade with the women of Lehi's family though!  They found strength in God, and so can I.  They eventually reached a promised land.  They set a legacy of faith, and their posterity turned to their examples again and again, as do I.

    
Granted, the poster is romanticized a bit.  The girl in the front is beautiful, and they're in formation doing a "power walk" like in the movies.  I don't think it's necessarily meant to be realistic, but more to paint a feeling of strength and inner beauty I'm sure they had.  So what would my romantic poster look like?  If I could paint it myself, my hair would be gracefully swept back, blowing in the breeze perhaps, with Merrylee on my hip, and Anny standing by holding my hand and looking trustingly up at me.  I'd be gazing towards the sky, watching airplanes, and seeing beyond the clouds with thoughtful determination, and hope glowing from my eyes. 

We all should have motivating posters of ourselves, don't you think?  Posters that through their artwork speak the words, "I am a daughter of God.  I am daily blessed with divine strength, and can conquer any trial, just as those before me."

Nephi, son of Lehi, probably said it best when describing how God helped his family:

"...And if it so be that the children of men keep the commandments of God he doth nourish them, and strengthen them, and provide means whereby they can accomplish the thing which he has commanded them..."

Represet the Four Year Old . . .

I added photos from Anny's gymnastics class today to our slideshow from the last post.  Check it out again, they're great pictures, and I caught several of her catching some air!  Her coach said she's really impressed by Anny, and can't believe this is her first gymnastics class!  Do we see a possible star in the 2020 Summer Olympics?  Nah, we wouldn't do that to her.  Anny really loves gymnastics, why ruin that for her?!!  We have to agree with her coach though, she's pretty impressive!! (and in more than just gymnastics!)

Little Pink Leotards, and a Little Pink Tree

Missing Daddy is just no fun.  Merrylee, Anny, and I have to do something to keep our morale up while Daddy's away for the holidays!!!  So what do we do?  We embrace our femininity. 

Watching chick flicks is way more common than college football, and there's lots of dancing while the soccer ball is lonely in the corner.  Jim Rome's radio show is replaced with princess songs in the car, and evidence of crafts, sewing, and art projects can be found in every room of the house.  Shopping trips are as long as we want them to be (and so are the receipts!).  Each of us understands and agrees there are appropriate times for crying, whether it be at the end of Toy Story 3, or because the tin of Danish Christmas butter cookies is empty, and you were so looking forward to eating one!!!  The estrogen flows freely, as does the chocolate.  We're survivors, taking on life one pinkalicious day at a time. 

Today's girly events revolved around pink things (they often do).  Both girls are in gymnastics classes this month, and today I found a little pink leotard a friend gave to us- size 2T.  Needless to say it was worn by a very cute two year old girl to her toddler gymnastics class today.  Of course Anny has a darling pink leotard of her own too!! 

On our way home we decided to pick up our Christmas tree, rather than fight Thanksgiving crowds next week.  I'm usually a "real tree" kind of girl, but with Daddy out for the holidays, much of my decorating motivation went with him.  Buying a fake tree just seemed simpler, not to mention it will last as long as we want it to, so we can leave it up for Daddy to see after he gets back. 

"That's all fine and well" you say, "but what does that have to do with pink things?"

Great question- one I didn't think I'd be answering today.  While looking at my different options of plastic trees, the girls spotted a three foot high little pink one, and fell in love.  I love my girls, and found I completely lacked the will to say no.  Of course if you're going to buy a little pink tree, you also need a pink Christmas tree skirt, pink garland, pink ornaments, and a pink star to put on top!  The girls were so happy and excited to set up their little tree in their bedroom.  Traditionally we wait until after Thanksgiving to put up the Christmas decorations, but for an occasion like this, would you have waited?!! 

Anny summed up the entire experience with the words, "I think I'm gonna cry a happy cry because our pink tree is so beautiful!!!!"

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This slideshow is dedicated to the Prince Charming of our hearts, we're all looking forward to that special "someday" you come home!

5 points if you know the classic girly movie the original version of the song in our slideshow comes from!! (this is a fun country version of the original)

$10 well spent

My lifelong friend and first college roommate, Dana, has a heart of gold.  She's friends with a family in Utah, and sadly the father of this family has cancer, and it doesn't look like he's going to make it.  She wants to do all she can to help with their situation, so she's completed a few handmade crafts, and is selling them as a small fundraiser.  You can read about this family's story, and what she's selling here.  One of the items are these darling little flower clips, with accompanying headband for babies or toddlers with slowly growing locks, like my little sweetie, Merrylee.  Dana is asking for $10 for a set of flower clips and a headband, and that includes shipping.  Photos of the different sets are in the above link.  My girls love these little clips, it was money very well spent.  Check out Dana's blog, read about this family, and think about supporting this great cause.  I'd probably spend $10 for these cute clips as it is, the girls love them!!!  Knowing I helped make a small difference for a family in need made the purchase even sweeter.     

By the way, the girls are only modeling two of the flower clips, a full set comes with more!

A little bit more

My hubbie had a late flight tonight.  By late, I mean it's past midnight, and it'll still be a few hours before he's home.  A good mother will have had her kids sound asleep for hours, a tidy house, dishwasher running, and getting some beauty sleep herself.  I'm 0 for 4.  Bad score, I know.   

Right at about dinner time I felt my energy crash.  I talked myself into taking a tiny cat nap.  With no husband to have dinner ready for tonight, I figured a twenty minute delay in our evening ritual wouldn't be a big deal. 

It wasn't twenty minutes. 

I was slightly aware of the girls coming up to me at different times with complaints about each other.  When consciousness fully hit me, it was 8:00pm.  With this afternoons' craft project still spread out on the kitchen table, a very messy playroom that had spread to the rest of the house and sink full of dirty dishes, I sighed. 

I really had no other choice.  I knew what I had to do.   

I made dinner, laid out a picnic blanket in the living room, and turned on a princess movie.  We ate several helpings of spaghetti and meat sauce, too much garlic bread, and cupcakes.  Merrylee giggled through the funny scenes of the movie, Anny questioned the meanings of the sad parts, and they both snuggled during the scary moments.  We all (even Merrylee- it was cute) cooed at the romantic lines.  My babies got to bed after 10:30.

Now it's after midnight, and I still have crafts on the kitchen table, a sink full of dirty dishes, and a messy playroom that has spread to the rest of the house.

I really had no other choice.  I knew what I had to do... and you're reading it! 

Happy blogging my friends.  Here's to cleaner houses, hours of sleep, and all the other good things we should be doing right now.  That can all can wait so I can share my thoughts with you.  I'm so glad I broke the rules.  Tonight was all about me and my girls, and I wouldn't have traded it for the world. 

And the mom, with her mom-feet in flip flops of pink,

stood puzzling and puzzling, knew not what to think!

It came without planning.  It came without nags. 

It came without makeup, cellphones, or scrubbing with rags!

And she puzzled and puzzled 'till her puzzler was sore.   

Then the Mom thought of something she hadn't before.  

Good parenting, perhaps, isn't about keeping score. 

Maybe parenting, she thought,

is a little bit more.  

 

Western Beauty

Nine years ago my mom and I flew 2000 miles away from our home, and after a few tearful hugs, she left me in a very different and foreign place- the west!  It wasn't at all like the lush, green, and busy metropolis I was used to in the east, yet I grew to adore the large open skies and grand towering mountains of my new home on the college campus of BYU, in Provo, Utah. 

A few weeks ago we drove back to my first home-away-from-home to visit my sister, who has also left her native east coast land, and made the west her own.  She just had her first baby, and we were anxious to meet little Ryan. 

I felt a nostalgic thrill as we entered the Provo valley, again experiencing a bit of the excitement that comes from leaving home, and experiencing life on your own.  I loved my years spent out west.  So much has happened to me since I first flew over those mountains.  Being there again, I felt like I was introducing my old home to the new me, and my now growing family. 

We didn't get to do half the things we'd planned to do on our visit- but we did get to see lots of friends and family, and enjoy some beautiful sites and detours on our long drive.  It was a lot of car time, but that also meant a lot of family time, and with Daddy gone a lot, we can never have too much of that. 

Our little car has made several cross-country trips, and it drove smoothly for this one too!  The views were perfect, weather beautiful, family precious, and our girls amazingly tolerant of all the carseat time.  Thanks to my incredible husband who spent hours planning every mile so things would run smoothly- they did! I'm sad it's all over.  After 4000 miles of driving, that says a lot! 

To my dear friend, the west, 'till we meet again, and may we have many happy returns! 

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Oh What do you Do

My baby is no longer so.  Merry little Merrylee turned two, and I'm a little behind in posting sweet photos of her special day. 

Both my little ones have their favorite songs they like me to sing to them when they need snuggles in the rocking chair.  Anny's has always been, "Daisy, Daisy".  I know you know it-

"Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do. I'm half crazy, all for the love of you . . ."

Merrylee's favorite song is Oh What Do You Do in the Summer Time? It's a song in our church children's songbook.  She fondly refers to it as "Oh What Do you Do".  You can listen to the original version here.  Click on the "words and music" dot on the left, and then hit play.

Inside Out, an acapella band I like, sings a cute version of the song.  I listened to it today on Itunes, and Merrylee ran out of the playroom and said, "Oh! I like that song!" and immediately started hopping around and dancing.  It only seems appropriate that I set her birthday slideshow to said song.

I don't think a little toddler could possibly be more loved than this one!   

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My Guitar Hero

Coming home from a deployment seems to suppress my husband's usual very frugal attitude. After the last deployment he decided we needed smart phones, and the accompanying data plans. He's not the type of guy to say I'm a stay at home mom and therefore have no need for such up to date technology. He's a true gentleman, and said if he's going to have a cool phone, then so am I.

Just before coming home this time, he decided it's time he bought a guitar. What's the only thing sexier than a good lookin' guy with an acoustic guitar? A good lookin' guy with an acoustic guitar, showing it off to his two baby girls. My guitar hero. Welcome home babe, we missed you like crazy, and everything is better with you here!

No Air

I heard the Jordin Sparks/Chris Brown song No Air on the radio the other day, and was reminded of this SYTYCD routine I saw about a year ago.  It's a beautiful dance, if you're brave enough to respect contemporary styles.  I tend to appreciate the more classical dance routines, my favorite being the ballroom waltzes, as long as the costumes are decent enough.  (What's with the new idea that to present a routine you have to be practically naked?!!)  However this dance caught me by surprise, I really love every bit of it, and have watched it over and over and over again.  Even now, a year later, it still makes me cry.   

Want to know what it feels like the first few moments after saying goodbye to a spouse leaving for a deployment?  If you do you're crazy, because as you can imagine, it's miserable.  This song and routine give a glimpse though.  For me at least, it literally does feel like I'm trying to breathe with no air.  Many of my faithful readers know all too well these feelings.  Those who don't, can imagine.  It's worse than what you imagine.  The anguish, fear, heartache, anxiety, and tears- it's just not something I can even begin to describe. 

I love the arts.  I love that we can express what we can't explain in words, through music, painting, sculpture, and dance.  The choreographers who made this dance seemed to know me!


Now that you've seen the dance, I want to end on the happy note that I'm grateful for my life support team when I'm out of air.  There are times when I know I couldn't breathe on my own if it weren't for my family, devoted friends, and my faith.  I'm looking forward to breathing well again soon, very soon.