Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Of Bikini Season, and Why I Wont be Wearing One

As the snow melts, and cool mornings change to warm afternoons, it seems everyone's minds are on summer.  With that has come many advertisements for diet programs and gym memberships, urging women to get their bodies ready for bikini season, while there's still time.  I've read a few blog posts and articles in response to this, mostly saying women shouldn't feel pressured by the world to look a certain way. It's wrong to objectify women, and it's terrible to suggest unhealthy ideas of beauty.  I've agreed with all these brave authors, making a positive stand with their words.  But there is something missing from all these articles.

Why the bikini at all?

Why has this become the accepted trend?  They aren't comfortable.  They slip and slide into all the wrong places.  Women are constantly at risk of having something fall out, or showing more than she intended to, despite there being little left to show.  They aren't pretty either, in that they really aren't much of anything.  It's a few strings, and 4 triangles of fabric.  It's not the bikini that people are looking at anyway.  It's the naked body.  Wearing a bikini is about as close to walking around naked as you can get without being charged with indecent exposure.

Maybe it makes a woman feel sexy.  After all, the term "sexy" is alluding to being ready for sex.  Sex is traditionally an activity done in the nude.  A bikini is nearly nude.  So yeah, I can see why it would make a woman, or man looking at her, feel ready for sex.

We live in a day where sex is everywhere.  We walk, talk, dress, and sing that it's ok to look and feel sexy.  It's ok for everyone to look at you, and want sex.  It's desirable, it's empowering.

Call me prude, or weird, or even old fashioned, but I don't like that.  I don't want men or women to look at me, and think of calisthenics in the bedroom.  I don't feel empowered if I find out someone had dirty thoughts about me.  I'm confident in my sexuality.  I enjoy that part of my life.  But only with my husband.  It's not something I wish to share with anyone else.  I don't even want to suggest the idea to someone else.

Now, of course I can't control the thoughts of everyone around me.  Someone could have a dirty fantasy of a very modestly dressed man or woman.  But I'm not going to encourage or suggest it with what I wear.  That's not a goal of mine- to provoke sexual feelings in those that look at me.  I find no sense of accomplishment in that.

So let's replace "sexy" with "beautiful".  Some would argue a woman's body is very beautiful, and she has every right to display it to anyone she wants to.  I don't agree with this.  I do think every woman is beautiful.  And while we are all given the freedom to choose what we do with our bodies, and that may be her right, I do not think it is right for a woman to display it to everyone.  This is because I do not believe our bodies are our own.  I believe they are a gift from God.  When someone has trusted me with something precious, I am careful with it, because I want it returned in good condition.

Let's make a simple analogy, to illustrate this idea.  Say a good, trusting friend loans me her car.  I am not going to take unnecessary risks with it, like speeding or breaking traffic laws.  I will do my best to keep it clean, both inside and out.  I will keep it well maintained until she needs it back.  Most importantly, I will closely follow the instructions she gave me.  If she specifically asked me not to eat in the car, I wont.  I wont even rationalize that I'd be safe drinking a smoothie in it, as long as I'm careful.  She gave me the car, I am grateful, so I will do as she has asked.  When I give those keys back, I want our friendship to be even better than it was before.  I love her for being so kind and generous to me, and she is impressed with the care I took with something valuable of hers.  Our trust in each other has grown, and therefore so has the strength in our relationship.

Now let's compare this to our relationship with God.  He has given me this body.  I try to treat it with great care.  I do not put harmful things in it.  I keep it maintained with exercise and healthy living.  I also keep it appropriately covered.  I believe God communicates with us.  He has given us specific, set rules on how to take care of this gift he has given us.  I wont wear a bikini, because he has asked me not to.  There are more modest choices for swimwear, and he has asked me to dress modestly.  He wants me to protect and keep covered what is beautiful, and doesn't want me to share every inch of that beauty with just anyone.  Specific instruction has been given to share all of my body with just one person, my spouse.  A bikini isn't quite baring all, but it's close.  It's like drinking the smoothie in my friends car, when she told me not to eat in it.  I don't plan to rationalize that line, even if it's a close technicality.

Now, a nasty rumor has gone around that women use modesty as an excuse to hide fat.  Some will say that if a woman is thin, and in good shape, she has no reason to stay covered, and wouldn't, therefore if someone is dressing modestly, she's really just lazy, and doesn't have anything to show off.  Let's put a stop to that right now, because that is a shameful lie, so obviously created by shallow men, looking to guilt women into taking off more layers.  Covering up a little more does not mean you are less attractive, or have something to hide.  Allow me to be a walking example of that.  I'm a skinny girl.  I'm one of those rare, obnoxious women who stays thin no matter what I eat, or how many babies I have.  I do try to exercise and eat well, but I'll admit my physique is not due to my efforts.  It just is.  I can no more control it than I can control the shape of my nose.  I have no fat to hide, and probably never will.  And yet still I feel no more beautiful in a string bikini than I would in a modest dress.

I feel beautiful without showing too much skin.  I feel a glowing sense of who I am, and a pride in the blessing of my body, without everyone within eyesight seeing nearly every inch of me.  I feel confident knowing I am abiding by the rules the maker of my body has set, and displaying only what he has said is modest.  My relationship with God is strengthened when I take good care of this gift he has given me.

Don't let the world tell you what is beautiful.  Remember who made the world, and who made you.  His relationship, his guidance, and his ideas, are always the best, and I have never regretted following them, no matter what the trends and ideas around me are.

See ya'll at the pool, and if I'm lucky this summer, the beach.  I'll be the one in a pink swim top that covers my torso, and white shorts that completely hide my butt from the sun, surrounded by three pretty little blondes plastered in sunscreen.  You can't miss us.    

From our cruise last year, not with the kids. 


  1. Well done, my beautiful daughter!

    1. Thank you, Mom. And thank you for teaching me about modesty, even though I was a silly teenager, and it took awhile for me to understand. I understand now, and am so grateful you prevented me from dressing or acting less than a lady.

  2. You always have the cutest clothes-and they are always modest. I never liked wearing bikinis for the very reasons you listed, abd for the vulgar comments I received while wearing one. I just ordered my first one-piece, and I have to say it will be the cutest swimsuit I've ever owned. It will serve me well for a casual pool trip, or a triathlon. I will feel beautiful and comfortable in it without feeling naked. Thanks for this post.

    1. Rachel, I'm so proud of you, and can't wait to see that cute swimsuit! We'll have some fun times at the pool this summer!

  3. I agree 100% It's empowering to feel confident about yourself and to wear modest clothing. I can't even imagine how uncomfortable a bikini would be while chasing kids at the pool.

  4. Thanks for posting! Love this, very well written and well said (as always). Completely agree. You're awesome! <3

  5. No bikini here.I feel the same just as you posted, never been comfortable with people looking at me like that. Unfortunaly my parents didnt teach me this but I have a wonderful hubby and great friends who do.