the sigh of the weary

I find myself occasionally living days where I hum the chorus of the folk song Hard Times.  You can find the full text here.  The lyrics are sadly beautiful.  It's a song I think all human beings at some point in their lives find they can relate to.  Here's the chorus:

Tis the song, the sigh of the weary,
Hard Times, hard times, come again no more,
Many days you have lingered around my cabin door;
Oh hard times come again no more. 

You can listen to an arrangement of this song in my playlist.  My favorite version is sung acapella by Eclipse, but I don't know how to post that on my blog.  Anyone who knows how to post a specific song not found on playlist.com, I'd love to hear your instruction!

I haven't had days filled with hunger.  I've always had shelter, food, clothing, and my physical needs met, as most people fortunate enough to live in this country can say.  I have however had my weary days.  Everyone at some point I think experiences deep and thorough weariness, with no obvious or close end in sight.  My Christian brothers and sisters however, know and have faith in happier times to come, because that's what faith in the Savior brings.



After watching this very moving video, I felt a little cheated.  I wanted to know what happened to the family!  What happened to that poor father, his wife and small children?  Then I read more about the video, and realized Elder Holland is telling his own story.  Obviously, he kept his faith and things worked out. 

Have you ever wondered, if the "future you" could visit and give you advice, what it would be?  I'd expect the future Liz would say the same things I'd say now, if I had the chance to advise the struggling seventeen-year-old I was 10 years ago.    

"Hold to your faith.  Believe in the Savior, Jesus Christ.  He never will and cannot fail you, and your life, while not always perfect nor easy, is beautiful and happy.  Hold to your faith.  Your efforts are worth it."

Oh Deer!

I was on the phone this morning, and heard Anny call out while eating her breakfast, "Mommy, there are animals in our yard!" 

I replied with "Ok Anny". 

Anny regularly "sees" whales and sharks everytime we drive over the bay bridge to Pensacola, so I didn't put much stock in her animal sighting in our backyard.  Until I actually turned around and looked that is . . . .

Bye-bye Bambi, thanks for the visit, you made our morning very exciting!!  Sting rays in the water, deer in our backyard, perhaps I should be watching for sharks and whales as we drive over the bay...

blue crayon day

It's actually more of a blue crayon week than day. 

A nice, bright, royal blue crayon got left in the car today, on the front passenger seat of our van.  Add to this pretty mixture, the greenhouse effect of the Florida sunshine.  No further description needed. 

We dropped off Scott again at the airport for another deployment.  The same now sadly familiar feelings of emotional pain shot through my body, as I tried and failed to contain the screaming tears, and tried yet failed to pretend I was strong, and ok with saying goodbye.  Why do we try to pretend?  Here's a few reasons I suppose:

1- it scares my little girls to see me sobbing
2- if I can somewhat contain my emotions, perhaps the girls wont fully realize what's going on.  Innocence is bliss they say . . .
3. I don't want Scott to feel guilty for doing his job and fighting for his country.  At least I think I don't. 
4. It's not safe to drive with blurred vision
5. Pleading, "please don't leave me, please don't go, I love you, don't leave . . ." doesn't change the fact that he still has to

Forcing me to pull out of my own selfish wallowing, I received the news that a dear friend of mine had a tragedy in her family.  My pain that has become as regular as Scott's deployment schedule, is minuscule compared to what she is and will be going through over the next few weeks and months. 

So what next?  I turn my pain into action.  Comfort and love my friend - scrub melted blue crayon.  Blue crayon does not totally come out.  Heartache never completely washes away.

So what next?  We keep scrubbing, and keep comforting and loving each other.  A very wise woman told me on the phone today, "Virtually anything is possible if you don't have to do it alone." 

Thank you to all my devoted family and friends, who are always there for me when blue crayon days come around.  I love you and am so very grateful.  Way more than a silly blog entry can describe . . .

The front passenger seat- after an hour of scrubbing, soaking up the excess wax with an iron and brown paper, and several different solvents and cleaners . . . and to think when I was little, the blue crayon was my favorite!

Bind my wandering heart to thee . . .

Any of you who keep your speakers on while visiting my blog, may have noticed a change in my music playlist. Inspired by a friend, I decided to choose songs that convey sweet feelings of nostalgia, love, and simple pleasures. Peaceful tunes that inspire thought, or calm the heart. These songs all do that for me.

One tune in particular is special to me, and I have three different versions of it on my list, all instrumental. The American folk tune, Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing, inspires and uplifts me every time I hear it. Here are the words to this classic and much loved Christian hymn written in 1757 by Robert Robinson, more recently arranged by Mack Wilberg for the Mormon Tabernacle Chior.

Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia:
"1. Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.

2. Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Hither by Thy help I’ve come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it;
Seal it for Thy courts above.

3. Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it;
Seal it for Thy courts above.

4. O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee:
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it;
Seal it for Thy courts above."

How often have I felt sad, lonely, tired from the scars of life, and prayed to my Heavenly Father to simply save me, heal me, have mercy on my imperfect life, and bring me back to him? Bind my wandering heart to thee . . .

We are all prone to wander, make mistakes, feel sorrow, and pain of our own making. I'm eternally grateful for the healing sacrifice of our Savior, Jesus Christ. With his scars, we are healed. All he asks, is for us to come unto Him, and live like Him; follow his perfect example in every way that we can. When we fall short, as we all so often do, He is there waiting to pick us up, and help us try again. I hear this song, and am reminded of his amazing grace and love for me. It brings me inner peace, and encourages me to be a little more patient, kind, and enduring, to work harder, and give more of myself. I want my life to be worthy of the prayer in this song, "and I hope by, Thy good pleasure, safely to arrive at home."