the Patience

The cute but seemingly clueless Italian admirer of Jennifer Lopez in The Wedding Planner gave her a surprising bit of wisdom that I found myself repeatedly quoting in my head tonight.  He said to her, "You need to learn the patience.  Sometimes love, is just love"

I'm not sure exactly what the "love is just love" part meant, but over and over I've been repeating in my head, "you need to learn the patience".

The phrase "parenthood requires patience" is sort of a burned out phrase.  We all hear it, and think, "well yes, of course it does."

However I always imagined that meant being patient when your toddler wakes up with nightmares, being patient when milk is spilled on the floor, patiently teaching your kids to clean up their toys, or not argue.  Those occasions do require patience, it's true, and yet they don't even begin to describe the word.

There are many "Patience is . . . . stories we all can tell about our kids.  Here's mine for tonight.

Patience is when your daughter is Reading Hop on Pop, and on every 8 word page, she pauses to analyze the picture for 30 seconds, reads the words, comments on the picture,"Look!  They're hopping on his tummy!!!  That's so silly!"
and then asks a question about it, with the expectation of a fully drawn out answer.

Anny:"Why are they hopping on their Dad?"
Me:"I don't know, to be silly I guess"
Anny: "Don't they know it can hurt?"
Me: "Maybe they didn't think about that"
Anny: "Why wouldn't they think about that?"
Me: "I'm not sure.  Maybe they're naughty kids"
Anny: "Why are they naughty kids?"
Me: "I don't know Anny, it's just a story"
Anny: "Don't they love their Daddy?  Jumping on him is not nice..."

At this point I have turned the page, looking at the remaining 30 or so pages left, and thinking over and over, "the patience, the patience, you need to learn the patience...."

I didn't start the book with this attitude.  I opened it with anticipation, thinking "I'm pretty sure she can read this, I love my daughter, she's so smart, this is going to be so fun hearing her read the bedtime story all by herself!"

On the first page as she scans the picture I think, "Look at her analyzing the scene, that's a sign of great reading comprehension, and something I should encourage!"

However by page 32, we've gone through a similar routine 32 times, varied occasionally by her fixing her hair for a minute, and then pausing to scratch her foot.  Then she'll begin again to analyze the picture, read the words, and have an in depth conversation about it.  If Merrylee interrupts her we sometimes get to go through the routine twice per page, because she gets distracted and feels she must begin again.  No need to remind her she's already scanned this picture, after all- this is a sign of great reading comprehension, and something I should encourage, right??? 

There are 64 pages in that book.

I love Dr. Seuss, but what was he thinking?!!!  Obviously he never had kids.  Ten pages would have been generous.

I could create an entire new blog dedicated to Patience is ... parenting moments.  Perhaps I could do one about how a short blog entry takes two hours to write because every five minutes my baby starts fussing and wants to be held, and typing with one hand is hard.

Sometimes being a mother is delightful, and blissfully sweet.

Sometimes blissfully sweet takes too long, it's an hour past bedtime, and Mom's exhausted.

Someday I will learn "the patience".  Maybe.

my personal trainers

While doing my postpartum workout today, I realized something funny I consistently do.  I make friends with my DVD workout trainers.  Obviously we don't go out for sodas or have playdates with our kids (although that'd be so cool if we could!)  However while pulling my knees to my chest, completing the last stretch in today's workout, Erin O'Brien grinned and said, "You did it!" and I replied with my own smile, and said with a sigh, "thanks Erin!"

I didn't say it just to be cute.  There was no one else in the room, who would I be sounding cute for?  I felt sincere gratitude for Erin coaching me through the workout, and found myself thinking, "That Erin, I really like her.  She's cool. She's my friend."

In my defense we do see each other almost every day - every day I find time to workout anyway.  She gives me advice, tells me a bit about her life, and motivates me to be a better person.  That's what friends do, right?  It just so happens she says and does the same things every time we're together.  That and I paid $13.99 for her friendship.   

I'm not crazy.  Not yet anyway, although with the extreme shortage of sleep that comes with raising two little girls and a newborn, I'm probably close.  I can't blame this behavior on that though, because I've felt the same way about my other DVD trainers, who I knew and worked with back in the days I used to get plenty of sleep.  Denise Austin was my girl during my last pregnancy, as we did low impact aerobics, and she coached me through special workouts for the second and third trimesters.  Erin O'Brien is my new friend now.  I used to use the Wii Active Personal Trainer program, and I even felt grateful for the motivation given by the animated digital trainers.  They'd respond to my motions with pre-recorded phrases like, "way to go!" or "I can tell you've been working on that" and "I know you can do this!", and I'd nod my head and say, "Yeah!  You're right, I can do this!"

Perhaps this is a sign I need to get out of the house more often.  I probably would enjoy an aerobics class with real people, and adults to converse with.  Classes cost money though, and don't answer the question of what to do with the kiddos.  With my DVD and Wii workouts, I can nurse Benjamin, put the girls down for naps, cram a bologna sandwich, and then pop in a DVD before everyone wakes up and needs me again.  I can exercise on my schedule (or lack of) without leaving the house.  The convenience is too immense to attempt anything else.   

Exercising releases positive hormones, and that bit of time dedicated to just me feels so great!  I'm happier on the days I workout, and have more patience with my messy house and noisy kids.  Can I help it if gratitude for my improved mood goes to the friendly TV image of a trainer who is guiding me down the path of a healthier, stronger, more energetic me?

So thanks guys.  Thanks Denise, thank you Erin, and thank you Wii digital person who has no name!  This post is dedicated to you.  You guys are #1 in my book, even though you don't know me, or don't really exist.